It has been a long time since I felt the need to express myself through this blog, but once again I find myself drawn to the creative outlet. Why? So much is going on in the world that my issues seem small and selfish.
I'm not sure if it is my age or just the world we live in, but it feels like every time I look at the news or pick up the phone someone is affected by cancer. The last few months, especially December, hit really close to home, with many people close to myself and my family being diagnosed with aggressive forms of cancer or other medical issues. It has really hit me hard. I have realized I am a survivor...a "lucky one".
In my immediate family alone, three out of five of us have had cancer and survived. We have beaten the odds, and no offense universe but it WILL remain that way. We all had/have the moment of "will we live?" but I believe each of us truly believed we would. I'm not saying that there is never a feeling of wondering if it will return, there always is...but as time passes that question rarely comes to light.
How do you get through each day if you do not know what your future holds?
I have said this before and I mean it...I am surrounded by amazing people. For instance, W has been diagnosed with a metastasized cancer and has taken on aggressive radiation. He can feel parts of his body hurting him like it never did before. This is his second battle with cancer and he remains positive and upbeat. He has a beautiful wife, two great children and three grand babies he cherishes. His future is unknown and he lives each day taking baby steps. Others in his situation may be negative or give up, but not W. He was a teacher in professional career and it shows as he continues to teach us how to live while battling a disease. Many people told me I was brave but when I look at W and his challenges, I feel he is the one who is brave and when he doesn't want to be, he has built a support system around him who will take on the fight for him. This is the true testament to his generous nature.
Now I turn my focus to another beautiful soul in my life, L. I have know her for 15+ years. She may be my hairdresser but over the years I have been lucky enough to call her a friend. She has lost a husband in a tragic way, had several severe medical issues, separated from another husband bankrupted her and is a general scum of the earth, and now is awaiting a diagnoses from her biopsy. She is self employed, no children but has a mother who has been through cancer twice and survived. Her mother is her rock, but L is an amazing, giving person on her own. She is already a survivor for what she has been through. While she doesn't have any monetary wealth she has taken the time to know her clients, many of whom care for her as I do. No matter what her biopsy result is, L knows she is loved by many.
Unfortunately, my list of those around me could go on as above and maybe I will continue to share their stories in synopsis format but for now I need to take a step back and acknowledge their positive influences on my life. While I do not see them or have contact with either of them on a regular basis I hope they know how much I think of them.
I guess that is what gets you through each day, knowing that tomorrow is a day worth living for. I remember finding myself staring blankly off into space during my treatments and thinking I am more than a disease, I am strong, I am determined and most of all...I am loved.
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