Over the past month a lot of decisions have been made and my brain power has been maxed out. While my personal life has been in turmoil with my emotions stuck on the biggest roller coaster with way too many loops for me to hold my cookies, my work life has also been chaotic. Wondering whether or not I will be able to afford to keep working at my place of employment or will I have to find a job that pays more. On top of it all work was very busy and longer hours were needed.
I spent most nights coming home, walking my dog (who is always happy to see me) shoving in some food to stop the growlies and going to bed. I felt like I was in a constant state of zombie. Until I woke up one day and thought "alright you" decisions need to be made. I started making small decisions everyday to lead up to the bigger ones, like where was I going to live...kind of important. Stressing out over getting a mortgage on my own and attempting to move on with my life as a single took more courage than facing cancer. With cancer the decisions were really made for me. The decisions I now needed to make were not about life or death but about survival of my mental state.
The first big decision I made was about my body. What did I want it to look like? I stood one day in front of a full length mirror..NAKED! Which any woman knows is intimating on its own. I looked side to side. Tightened and loosened skin and thought what did I want to do about my boob job and what would be best for me. I decided a "lift kit" on the left side would bring the poor tired lonely one back to it rightful place. Right beside her new perky implant friend. Who would be constructed from my back muscle. I would say "so long" to my nubin' and just like that ...one major decision down.
Next I started bringing home boxes to pack up some things of my husbands and asked him to move out the piano that was a bone of contention for the past several years. After that, the decisions just kept rolling.
I woke up one morning, made a cup of coffee and sat on the couch. I started looking around at bare spots where possessions once were lovingly placed and thought..."they are just things". What really matters is that I am going to be alright.
