The Big O

For those of you who have just googled orgasm or Oprah. This is the wrong blog. My big O is for the oncologist. Ok this still sounds dirty but soooo not! This is the first time I have had to enter the actual Cancer Centre of the hospital. I have skirted all around the hallways but never graced the entry way..until now. Again the usual setup, take a number ..wait for your number..but wait…there was an unfamiliar scent in the air. I turned to see two students begin to pick through a variety of cabinets and begin to make freshly brewed tea and coffee.  My first thought was this must be for people having chemo. Then as they filled their trolley with tea, coffee, juice and cookies I thought something doesn’t seem right. Then they began offering it to people waiting in the waiting area. The CANCER waiting area…wait are we in the WestJet lounge, am I being punked? Seriously, you have to have cancer to get a free cup of coffee…..ding..oops that’s my number.

I register with all of the basics, name of family doctor, where is your nearest drugstore, referring physician, name, did you get your cancer package in the mail? Yes and it wasn’t like the day the wish book arrives.  Then I go back to the “lounge” area to see what happens next. I could use a bowl of soup….  Not so lucky, my name is called and we are taken down a hallway where we are introduced to Nurse H. Right away I wonder about our relationship status as she asks me to step on the scale…ahh Nurse H we are in a hallway and have just met…at least the students offered me cookies! Hmmm can I blame my weight on the digestives I didn’t take? Sigh..step on the scale.

B and I are then escorted to a room which actually looks freshly painted <which we find out later was because two days prior the pipe in the ceiling leaked>. Nurse H asked a couple of general questions and wanted to know what I had found out..in other words “what did you find on the internet that I am now going to have to discredit”. Honest injun’ I have been good and haven’t looked up much. I learned that lesson early on!

She explained the process…we would be visited by three ghosts…nah wrong story….she explained that Dr R our oncologist was great. Everybody loved him <no pressure> and that he would always be late! Well Nurse H you are honest so we will get along well.

Out steps Nurse H …15 mins later in  steps Intern N..Intern N, I quickly discover, has lost his sense of humor prior to med school. Frankly B and I were like a comedy act full of shifty eye movements and subtle glances and offhanded remarks. But Intern N was very matter of fact and asked a variety of medical history..some of which even we had forgotten about…oh yeah the goiter <not really, but a fluid cyst near my thyroid 2 years prior>. He did a quick exam of the incision as well as the “good” breast said he would go find Dr R and be back.

Well Dr R must have been on his way back from China because it took him 45 mins to find him. In walks a Dr who is around 50 and looks like he is trying to impersonate someone from Grays Anatomy...and has the hair to match. He speaks softly and a bit slowly and B can see my annoyance…GET ON WITH IT MAN…all I want to know is how long…..as he thoroughly explains what I have, the pathology report and then begins a diagram. I don’t think many people have a sense of humor about their cancer…go figure…as he wasn’t sure what to make of mine and B’s comedy duo but at least he began to laugh…finally… we’ll have to remember those jokes. The diagram is broken into two parts followed by what looked like hugs.

F-E-C  D-D-D  XXXxx

-----------HER2--------???

FEC were the names of the first drugs I would receive for the first three rounds and D was the second round of drugs I would get for a total of 6 treatments. Once every three weeks.  The X’s represented the rounds of radiation I would be looking at which would be decided by yet another doctor. It would be somewhere between 3-5 weeks every day. One of my tests had not come back yet on whether or not I would receive the HER2 injection, if so I would receive this injection for the next year, but that did not affect my current treatment. Any questions?

I looked sheepishly at the paper and then at Dr R and asked....”and when will I lose my hair”. He pointed to the first round of chemo…”14 days after your first chemo”…then I asked...”and when will it grow back”…..he pointed to after the x’s. Sigh

Comedy duo signoff.

It's a race

Long before my diagnosis, our company decided to enter a team in the CIBC's Run for the Cure. It just pushed home the point when I announced my diagnosis. Our team spent weeks having brewery tours, bake sales and flat out begging for money, to which we raised over $2500.

My husband also had a team (immediate family and friends)on the go and by casually mentioning it to people, and not spending every Thursday baking up a storm, ended up raising over $2000. (Final tally not yet had as his company is matching his donation).

We are very pleased by our results..slightly competitive as I figured that since I have breast cancer therefore, I should at least win this race, but sadly he has kicked my ass...next year though will be a different story.

The weather has been great up to this point and it was looking good, until a hurricane decided to change its course slightly and decided to hit our run site. The race started at 10 am and our teams were meeting in the same spot which we thought was a clever spot. Until we discovered everyone else had the same idea as it was the registration spot.

As we are standing under an over hang the light misty rain started to turn to actual rain drops. While we were waiting for the last of B's team to arrive I looked out over the sea of people and I am suddenly confused. (I actually have a reason for this...so wait for it) I turn to B and say "Is that your dad?". Side note: His dad lives 16 hours away. B..looking just as confused...says "Ahh yeah". He and his wife had joined B's team but were suppose to run in their home town..or so we thought. We soon learned that the plan from the beginning was to join us at our location as a surprise...well you did it! It was a surprise..

I immediately called my parents and guilted them into driving down an hour for an after run bbq. I figured one hour vs 16 hours would probably go in my favour.

We lined up, like cattle. I think there was a warm up involved, but by this point the rains had picked up and we were huddling under the largest umbrella I have ever seen. A smart car would have been protected under this thing.  B's team went to the front of the pack since they were all running, while my work team hung back and were debating whether we were going to walk the 1km or 5km. Hey, don't judge us!

The start was announced and about 20mins later we were finally going under the start sign. We walk about 500m and start to see the first of the runners coming across the finish...ok this could be a long walk. Just after we passed the 1km mark, we decided the umbrella was too heavy and ditched as we passed one of our cars.

The rain let up, we took off our jackets and were walking happily along. We passed several cars who obliviously didn't know that the run was on as they were stuck in their cars waiting for 1000's of people to go by. I think we were suppose to stick to the side walk, but when you are a large mass you kind of take over. One lady was stuck in the middle of an intersection and decided to roll down her window and smoke...I wish I was joking. Justice was the that she was still there as we rounded back.

But by the time we reached 4km the rains were getting heavier and then the heavens opened up. It poured down in sheets so heavy that it became "white rain". By the time we got to the finish line we were all drenched and the finish line was like a giant mud pool with 1000 of your closest friends. We looked at each other and said..err Bye. I think we all jumped in a puddle at some point back to the cars as we were not going to get any wetter but cleaner would be good.

Afterwards we had our friends and family back for a bbq. It was great to see everyone laughing and telling stories and all I could think is that I am one lucky girl. Present condition excluded.

The Path Ahead

So the next big day in our adventure was hearing what the pathology report had to say. I was actually looking forward to what the report might NOT say. I know I am backwards but trust me.. this side of the fence is just as crowded.

Today the waiting room was not a ghost town, but I was put in a room quickly and did the change into the Johnny shirt <ties facing forward>. A new Dr came in....and explained that sometimes he and Dr. T help each other out and that way they get to learn each others areas as well. I guess he dealt more with the bottom half of woman than the top half.

He did an examination on me to see how I was healing and then flipped open the report. I felt like I was in a drama show and had to keep waiting past the commercial break to see the next segment. He reviewed the results:

Tumor size: 7.5 cm ...holy shit!
Margin around tumor: they want 5 mm as a clear zone and I had 8...ok lets keep the good news going
Lymph nodes: in 1 of 9 ...yeahhh only thing better would have been 0
Grade: 3 ..well kind of expected that one considering the size
CAT scan: all clear..meaning nothing else anywhere in my body
Wall Motion study: strong heart


That was the basic story of it. There were other parts such as my tumor was negative for estrogen cells which means drugs like Tamoxofin won't work, but really the news was great.  It meant that from a cellular level technically I was cancer free.BUT he explained this did not get me out of chemo...damn!

He went out of the room and discussed my report with Dr T and in comes Dr T who did a quick check and was thoroughly disappointed that he had to take all the lymph nodes when only one was positive... I was ok with this scenario. If they had a chance of being infected...take them, I don't want them. Then he basically signed my release form and said...see you in a year! Wow....but then again this is not a department you want to be a repeat visitor in.

I did ask if he had any idea what my chemo rounds would be. He didn't want to guess at all as he said...because of the size of your tumor you will have chemo probably followed by radiation but as for anything else...I have not idea. Well that makes two of us.

At this moment the reality of my original appointment hits me. If I hadn't pushed for an earlier mammogram I cannot image the size my tumor would have been. Dr T was bang on when he said "if you had waited until October there would be nothing I could do for you". He was right as the tumor has grown .5 cm just in the week and a half from the core biopsy to my surgery. Again I say BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE. My story could be very different had I not been. I shudder at this thought.

As we wave good buy to Dr T and Dr. ? ..enter Nurse L. Who asks how I am feeling...this becomes a very common question asked by everyone..and has nothing to do with my physical health but rather my emotional stability.

I was great. As far as things that could have been in that report I had come out well. She did admit that she was very surprised I didn't have to come back in after I got the drains out. She took them out only because of my persistence but she did say to the other nurse "I really expect her to be back for drainage". Oh no...you see, once you let me get out the door....I am not so good at coming back....until you make me....I guess that means I would be a bad psych patient.

Hi Ho.....Hi Ho

Most people think I was crazy to go back to work two weeks after my surgery, but I think I would go crazy if I didn't. I do not recommend this venture for everyone but I have a desk job where I do not move around a whole lot. Unless I put on my headphones and start chair dancing. I did look up the average healing time which turned out to be 6 weeks...6 weeks with me at home not allowed to do anything would have not been good for anyone within a 100km radius. I am not good at not working!

One thing I was not prepared for were the questions I was asked as I left very abruptly two weeks ago. So the main story that went around was that I went on vacation. Not really a holiday if you ask me, but I tried to play along until I said...screw this...people I have cancer. I must admit a perverse side of me did get enjoyment from the jaw dropping. When you go from thinking I was on vacation to having cancer...it is a long distance for the brain workings to have to travel. I debated on telling not telling people but eventually when I go off for chemo I figured...they are going to know...so what difference did it make if they knew sooner?

It was quite liberating to tell people. This way, if my boobs were not in proper alignment at least there was a valid reason. Not sure what another reason would be though??? What was a little uncomfortable was that the second day I was back we started talking about the CIBC Run for the Cure. We had planned to put a team in before my diagnosis but now it seemed awkward. Some people did know...some people didn't know. Plus let's face it...this was a cause that was pretty near and dear now.

All in all my return to work was smooth. I did stop when I got tired but only went home early one day. And the true testament to my appearance came when one of the sales people came up to me a couple of weeks ago and said:

KS: So when is your next appointment
Me: Not until the first of October
KS: So will they discuss what they are going to do then
Me: I hope so
KS: So do you know if you are going to have a mastectomy or not?
Me: <dumbfounded look> ahhh I already had that
KS: <looking at my breast(s)> WHAT!

Damn...I guess the stuffing does work!