Back in the saddle

I was determined that I was going to return to work within two weeks. Why? Because I am crazy and not a very good patient. Ok I suck at being a patient. Each day I made goals for myself and by the end of the two weeks the only thing standing in my way was driving my car.

I had talked it over with a friend who was willing to switch cars <hers is an automatic and mine is a standard> but I decided that sooner or later I was going to have to try to drive. I know I was told two weeks before I could drive but 1 week and 5 days is close enough.

It is strange that cleaning windows and vacuuming didn't scare me but driving my stick shift did. It might have something to do with the fact that if something happened I would be in a piece of metal hurling at possibly another car..vacuuming doesn't have those kind of consequences.

I decided I would start with driving around the block and then if all went well I would venture to the grocery store. I know..big plans...BIG. I breathed deeply and jumped in. I started the car up and played with the gears. So far so good...ok let's try motion.

I backed out of the driveway and felt no pain..hmmm. Drove around the block doing about 30kmph ..even old ladies were walking past me...but still no pain. I sped up...I was going to beat those walkers now...and headed out onto the open road...well more like a main artery but it felt like the three minutes I spent driving was like a get out of jail card had just been handed over. I was back in action!

Now this is not to say I didn't experience any pain and I probably would not have ventured too far on this day. I did make a couple of trips around town and even backed out <not into anything> of a spot. I did have to come home and rest my arm but all things considered I was on the mend. It is amazing how the thing you were most scared of turns out to be really nothing while something as simple as raising my right hand has been the biggest challenge. Mind you, this hasn't stopped me from asking a question or going to the bathroom...I am such a rebel.

Put a sock in it

Now that I am drain free I have to figure out how to stop all of my shirts from pulling to one side. Who knew that having one boob would make so much difference in how your shirts hang. The day after the drains came out I was quick to try to figure out how to make my breast<s> look au natural.

I took my regular bra and started stuffing...geez I must be back in high school. I just dealt with being flat then. No rosebuds now. Now I look back thinking...why did I want these things? Oh yeah...boys like them. Should have dated butt men...I still have lots of that.

So I put on a bra. Looked at the provided sock and thought...wait are there directions? How does this thing go, sideways or up and down.  You would think this would be an easy decision but I tried it both ways and neither was working. Plus I was still very tender and could only clip the bra loosely. After much playing with the sock I decided to ditch it and put in the "cutlets" I had from my wedding. Checked with B and he thought it looked good...then I stood up. On what universe this looked natural was beyond me. I had one boob looking National Geographic like and one shooting for the sun..can you guess which was which. Mental side note: only put a sock in it while standing up.

Let's try this again, adjust adjust adjust...ok I think I've got it! One sock + one cutlet =looking semi normal...who knew? Then I sat down and stood up....hmmm...one blew east and one blew west. Damn it! Who knew stuffing your bra was so difficult...I must admit I did look at the kleenex box wondering...do you think I can google how to stuff my bra?

I adjusted once again deciding that checking myself out was going to have to be a common occurrence. Hey baby..how you doin'. The 'rents showed up and my mother walks up the stairs and pronounces loudly...wow they look natural....blush...thanks mom.

So at the young age of 40...I know know how to stuff my bra....and I have had enough of that....Off to La vie en rose I went for the "Figure correcting bra". I may still have to stuff the bra to give it the proper curve until I get a prosthetic, but at least they have more weight and I do not have to adjust so often. So for all those late bloomers out there, throw out the kleenex box and get some bigger cutlets.

Out out damn drain

I was told at the beginning of this venture that only 20% of people get their drains out after a week I was aiming towards this goal. I did my exercises, ate well and watch as the drains changed from bright red, to stringy, to yellow with strings to finally yellow. I was 80% positive these drains were coming out, as I was tired of looking like a pregnant quasi modo.

We <B and I> arrived at the hospital with me holding my "pregnant belly". The drains were tucked up in my sweatshirt and I didn't trust them not to fall down; which might have given people a shock as they were in a light pink bag which kind of looked like testicles when they hung down. I figured holding a belly was less damaging to the psyche ...mine as well as passing strangers.

We were escorted into what looked like a supply closet with a bed. I did the change to the Johnny shirt <ties in front> and waited. Nurse L was the first to enter and checked over the dressing <which had all but one strip hanging off...I might have helped this along as the  bandage was driving my armpit crazy> and the drains. She said everything looked good...good as in out they come or good as in keep up the good work and we will see you in a couple of days.

We handed over our chart progress and she looked at it. Nurse J enters and reviews the chart, the dressings and the content in the drains. Nurse J is my all star today as she gave the go ahead to take out the drains. They started taking off the bandages around the drains and the room suddenly got very warm. I tried to take off my shoes and they decided I should lay down while they do this. Apply cold cloth to forehead.

As they pulled the first one I could feel it slide across my chest and out it came. There was some discomfort but I was happier to say good riddance. Then they began with the second one. I think this one was somewhere around my armpit as B's eyes got wide as they pulled and pulled and more kept coming out...finally I was drain free! I have the two holes below my chest to prove it...they were like badges of honour..my permanent "gold stars".

Side note: If you are interested in what the drains look like <click here> and remember I had two of these. yeah..I can say had:)

Dr. T then came to take a look. If I was shy about showing my breasts before this point, I now didn't care who saw them...you get over this amazingly quick. The incision was mostly flat with a bump between my breasts and a clump of skin underneath my arm pit<which I refer to as my nubbin'>. Yes my scar runs from the centre of my chest to the other side of my arm pit. At this point the scar is still covered with steri strips which will have to fall off in their own good time. BUT I was now allowed to get in a shower, stuff my bra with a provided "sock" form and get out of the house. Things were looking up.

Dr. T requested a MUGA scan <to ensure my heart was strong enough to withstand chemo> and they checked on the status of my CAT scan. My pathology report would be in on September 8th and we should know more about the tumors he took out then. After barely having time to comprehend the next step a month seems so far away.

Overall I felt like a kid who was just told they were better and could play outside. We hi-tailed it out of that hospital before they changed their minds and I spent the rest of the afternoon laying in the sunshine.

Day by day-Friday to Monday

I am making daily strides and set small goals for myself. Whether it is to move my arm up another inch, put on a T-shirt or make the bed, each brings me a feeling of accomplishment. I do sit there and look at the dust bunnies piling up, the sad look on the dogs face <wondering why I am not taking him for a walk> and the sun outside; but I do realize <while not enjoying having them> my limitations.

By this time B has gone back to work and I am <semi> able to wash my own hair and get out of bed by myself. These things are HUGE. I have read a lot and the gifts that have arrived rival my birthday this year. All I have to say is thank god for fruit!

My appetite is limited but I know it is important to eat, you just become more conscious of what goes in your mouth when you do not feel like eating. I sleep quite a bit and enjoy visits from friends and family to keep me entertained. Dance puppets...dance!

I have stopped peeing teal which is disappointing as it was such a pretty colour compared to the norm, and I am now down to only taking Tylenol 3s before I go to sleep. I am still sleeping on  my back with my arm propped up on a special pillow but for the most part I sleep through the night.

I have to admit, the most exciting day was the day B had some errands to do and I decided to venture out in the car. While I might have only sat in the car, I now know what a dog feels like. If I could have physically stuck my head out the window and let the breeze blow through my hair, I would have. <future goal> We were only out for a short time, but being confined to home ground was getting tiresome and I didn't want the drive to end. B took the long way to the last errand as he could sense my "drive faster and further". I sighed when we got home but was excited for another venture if it was only down the street...sad but when they say it is about the little things....I now believe.

Biggest accomplishment: Venturing in public
Most thankful for: Turkey dinner