I have been back to work for just over two weeks and I am thankful when Friday roles around. I feel like I am 8, where I want to stay up past 9:30pm but my eyes and body work against me. I am tired at the end of each day and some night it is an effort to change into my pjs. The other night I stayed up until 11pm on a Saturday night and paid for it the next day. I spent the whole day in a fog and realized that I am still in need of my beauty sleep.
I went to see my oncologist today for what I thought would be my next schedule of appointments, only to learn that he is signing off on me. Since the radiation oncologist was the last to see me, he is the lucky winner of my future appointments. I feel kind of sad to leave Dr. R and Nurse H, but realize there are <unfortunately> many more to care for behind me. While my treatment is over my care is not. They both think I am crazy for going back to work so soon and not to push it....ahh did I mention how many steps I climbed in Greece??? Plus, let's face it..I am stubborn and didn't see the need to hang around the house when I could be at work earning money!
I am taking care of myself and attempting to exercise <shhh don't tell my body> and eat well. I cannot believe it has been almost a year since I found a lump. When I was being diagnosed I thought the journey would take forever. Now when I look back it feels like it was a flash...almost..not real...almost. My eyelashes are growing and so is my hair. While neither is growing at any quick rate, I see changes for the good every day.
While waiting to see the doctor today I was getting frustrated with how late he was running. Then I discovered that he was late because a woman who is 36 years old, and has had breast cancer, both breasts removed and the cancer has returned to her lungs and liver, is now receiving more bad news; which she will have to go home and tell her 4 year old daughter. I thought to myself, relax, no need to rush, time is something I am lucky to have on my side. Tomorrow I get to wake up, knowing my body is getting better each day. I am loved beyond words from a large support network and feel blessed for everything I have. Others are not so lucky, but today...luck is on my side. I feel like a girl who has won the lottery...called LIFE!
Friday, May 18, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
It's worth the climb
I was a little worried about my trip and all of the walking I would be doing. Would I be able to keep up, how would my energy level be by the end of the day and was I taking on too much and should have just sat on a beach somewhere instead?
It is funny how some of the smallest things are the things that never cross your mind and then cause you sudden panic. For instance. I was more worried about the walking and dragging others back and never even thought about wearing my wig on a plane ...overnight! I have taken naps wearing it and it did not look pretty when I woke up. It was twisted and all messed up. I realized this fact somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean. Which is probably why I didn't sleep a whole lot as I was worried that I would freak out those around me...thankfully an older gentleman did this for me when he thew up his dinner and red wine all over himself. I was trying to not gag and throw up while my husband kept asking me to look to see what was going on...from now on I get the window seat!~
Another instance came when I went through airport security and was randomly selected to be either patted down or go through the machine. Even though the customs agent comforted me that the machine does not emit regular radiation rays, I figured I had had enough radiation and opted for the pat down. Before she began I explained my wig, prosthetic and that I was still healing from radiation. She was wonderful and if I didn't know better I would say she gave me a massage and sent me on my way.
All in all, I did well at the walking...and there are A LOT of steps to climb. I took my time and stopped when I got out of breath. I was happy to find that others in my party felt the same on some of the climbs. I noticed an increase in my ability each day and by the end of the trip I found the steps easier to climb..not easy..just eas-ier. And when I thought I had no energy left I would look behind me, see the Asian bus tour pull up and know that I had better move my butt fast! It is amazing that energy suddenly finds you.
I even discovered that I never have to worry about drowning if I am wearing my prosthetic. My friend and I were trying to touch the bottom of the pool and she was able to touch with her tippy toe, but I could never get down far enough. Then I stopped and realized I was floating without needing to tread...I then went and showed my husband my new pool trick. hmmm..."squeeze the water out" he said ...I then sunk like a rock!
I am so glad that I took this trip to relax, enjoy and see a beautiful country. One more cross off on my bucket list. I also met a women <working at a spa of all places> who had had breast cancer and was now 10 years past her diagnosis. She gave me hope, knowledge and security in my future. It is great to find wonder it the most unusual of places.
It is funny how some of the smallest things are the things that never cross your mind and then cause you sudden panic. For instance. I was more worried about the walking and dragging others back and never even thought about wearing my wig on a plane ...overnight! I have taken naps wearing it and it did not look pretty when I woke up. It was twisted and all messed up. I realized this fact somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean. Which is probably why I didn't sleep a whole lot as I was worried that I would freak out those around me...thankfully an older gentleman did this for me when he thew up his dinner and red wine all over himself. I was trying to not gag and throw up while my husband kept asking me to look to see what was going on...from now on I get the window seat!~
Another instance came when I went through airport security and was randomly selected to be either patted down or go through the machine. Even though the customs agent comforted me that the machine does not emit regular radiation rays, I figured I had had enough radiation and opted for the pat down. Before she began I explained my wig, prosthetic and that I was still healing from radiation. She was wonderful and if I didn't know better I would say she gave me a massage and sent me on my way.
All in all, I did well at the walking...and there are A LOT of steps to climb. I took my time and stopped when I got out of breath. I was happy to find that others in my party felt the same on some of the climbs. I noticed an increase in my ability each day and by the end of the trip I found the steps easier to climb..not easy..just eas-ier. And when I thought I had no energy left I would look behind me, see the Asian bus tour pull up and know that I had better move my butt fast! It is amazing that energy suddenly finds you.
I even discovered that I never have to worry about drowning if I am wearing my prosthetic. My friend and I were trying to touch the bottom of the pool and she was able to touch with her tippy toe, but I could never get down far enough. Then I stopped and realized I was floating without needing to tread...I then went and showed my husband my new pool trick. hmmm..."squeeze the water out" he said ...I then sunk like a rock!
I am so glad that I took this trip to relax, enjoy and see a beautiful country. One more cross off on my bucket list. I also met a women <working at a spa of all places> who had had breast cancer and was now 10 years past her diagnosis. She gave me hope, knowledge and security in my future. It is great to find wonder it the most unusual of places.
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