As a celebration to end cancer and to get away from it all, we have booked a trip to GREECE. It is at the top of my bucket list and can't wait to head out to see the crystal blue waters and white and blue buildings...not to mention that we are looking forward to eating <and drinking> our way through the mainland and islands. So needless to say this will be my last post for a couple of weeks.
Packing up is quite the challenge. Normally, we are throw everything in a bag and hope for the best kind of people. BUT this time I had to
1. rifle through my clothes to see what would work- this can be depressing on the best of days but now realize I will need to buy some new work wardrobe pieces
2. Buy new bathing suits that hide the prosthetic- most women want to bear their breasts while sun bathing..me ..not so much..I am more trying to hide my nubbin'
3.Think about how to wash "cindy", bring "molly" as backup just is case Cindy gets caught on fire from the flaming cheese-note to self do not order anything saganaki
4. Pack the back up boob in case the prosthetic bothers me- that should be fun at customs should they question it...do I whip out the prosthetic or whip off the wig?
5. Then there is the regular packing for hot and cold- and hot flashes -
6. And lastly print tickets, bring all current electronics <how do people with babies do it> oh yeah and remember our clothes- ahh the small details
To everyone...we love you, but don't miss us too much:) We'll be having a great time, will email when we can and lastly OPA!
Monday, April 16, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Feeling Up
My skin is almost back to normal and has a lovely smooth feeling with a side of tan-ish. Let's face it, I am a VERY white girl and the radiation has caused me to have the darkest tan I have ever had, even if it is in one square foot and I had to have cancer to get it.
I have also gone to get my prosthetic as well. It was a bit weird when the lady who made it was explaining how to care for it. She squeezed it, showed me how to wash it, apply it <yes it can stick to you for 5 days with medical adhesive> and remove it. All the while I am thinking-sick as I am- am I being felt up from a distance? It is awkward, to say the least, watching someone manipulate a replication of your breast.
While it doesn't feel natural it is a pretty good replication and what I expect an implant to feel like. The colour and nipple came out well and the form is good in my regular bras. I have also begun wearing it for a couple of hours each day to get used to it. It is not heavy but it is heavier than the "sock" I have been wearing and I am still healing on my scar line...and not to mention that new skin is itchy!
The true test was when I went to dinner at my parents last weekend and my mother told me that my left side was hanging down a bit...I looked down and then back at her and said..."But that's my real one" to which my lovely endearing mother replied "Maybe they can give you a lift".
Ahh I can feel the love.
I have also gone to get my prosthetic as well. It was a bit weird when the lady who made it was explaining how to care for it. She squeezed it, showed me how to wash it, apply it <yes it can stick to you for 5 days with medical adhesive> and remove it. All the while I am thinking-sick as I am- am I being felt up from a distance? It is awkward, to say the least, watching someone manipulate a replication of your breast.
While it doesn't feel natural it is a pretty good replication and what I expect an implant to feel like. The colour and nipple came out well and the form is good in my regular bras. I have also begun wearing it for a couple of hours each day to get used to it. It is not heavy but it is heavier than the "sock" I have been wearing and I am still healing on my scar line...and not to mention that new skin is itchy!
The true test was when I went to dinner at my parents last weekend and my mother told me that my left side was hanging down a bit...I looked down and then back at her and said..."But that's my real one" to which my lovely endearing mother replied "Maybe they can give you a lift".
Ahh I can feel the love.
Friday, April 6, 2012
To hell and back
When people talk about having been through cancer they talk about the war they have been through. While I cannot relate to our troops I can relate to a war on my body and I have the battle scars to prove it. It is one week since the end of my radiation and my skin still continues to peel. Some in new spots, some in old spots. Under my armpit it has peeled down to what looks like the dermis layer -very gross- and was all weepy and not pretty smelling after the day.
I am back to having showers and find the water running down the front is soothing. I am also soaking the skin at night aka taking a bath and find that each day that my skin is not as painful as the day before. I can wear a bra for the day but have developed an appeal for the freedom of not wearing one. I think I might have been a nudist in a former life...although I am sure my neighbours appreciate my clothed self...not to mention my family and friends.
I think I am close to the end of the peeling stage and still slap a mixture of flamazine, hydro cortisone and lubriderm on various areas as my chest and armpit as they are all at various stages.
As I look at my hands, I wonder where my pretty nails have gone. Instead I am left with `tiger lines`` and what looks like I have slammed several of my fingers in a car door. It looks like my nails are going to peel off in layers as they grow out but at least it doesn`t look like they are going to fall off...my toes are another story.
I have been watching my toes, as a chemo side effect is loosing nails...as opposed to being THAT bored. I am sad to say that one of my big toes is not going to win. While the other one might not look so pretty it is nothing that some nail polish cannot disguise. I am just hoping the other one will hang on until after my pedicure and trip..else my sandal days may cause some unusual foot staring.
My ``root`` vein is still hanging around like an unwanted friend but it is not as apparent as it use to be and the blown out vein lines are fading each day. They now look the colour of a week old bruise.
In all of this it is sometimes hard to see the silver lining but there are some: my real hair is growing in...even in the bald patches. Mind you some of it looks like pubic hair but I guess beggars can`t be choosers. I now have one eyelash on its way in and if you look reallllly close you can see some eyebrows too. But the biggest news is that the hot flashes have started to decrease...whoot whoot! I have gone from having 15-20 a day -so basically soaked the whole day and feeling like I peed myself- to 6-10 a day and only slightly damp!
I went out last night and had a glass of wine with dinner, only had one hot flash during the concert and came home with energy to spare...watch out world...I`M COMING BACK!
I am back to having showers and find the water running down the front is soothing. I am also soaking the skin at night aka taking a bath and find that each day that my skin is not as painful as the day before. I can wear a bra for the day but have developed an appeal for the freedom of not wearing one. I think I might have been a nudist in a former life...although I am sure my neighbours appreciate my clothed self...not to mention my family and friends.
I think I am close to the end of the peeling stage and still slap a mixture of flamazine, hydro cortisone and lubriderm on various areas as my chest and armpit as they are all at various stages.
As I look at my hands, I wonder where my pretty nails have gone. Instead I am left with `tiger lines`` and what looks like I have slammed several of my fingers in a car door. It looks like my nails are going to peel off in layers as they grow out but at least it doesn`t look like they are going to fall off...my toes are another story.
I have been watching my toes, as a chemo side effect is loosing nails...as opposed to being THAT bored. I am sad to say that one of my big toes is not going to win. While the other one might not look so pretty it is nothing that some nail polish cannot disguise. I am just hoping the other one will hang on until after my pedicure and trip..else my sandal days may cause some unusual foot staring.
My ``root`` vein is still hanging around like an unwanted friend but it is not as apparent as it use to be and the blown out vein lines are fading each day. They now look the colour of a week old bruise.
In all of this it is sometimes hard to see the silver lining but there are some: my real hair is growing in...even in the bald patches. Mind you some of it looks like pubic hair but I guess beggars can`t be choosers. I now have one eyelash on its way in and if you look reallllly close you can see some eyebrows too. But the biggest news is that the hot flashes have started to decrease...whoot whoot! I have gone from having 15-20 a day -so basically soaked the whole day and feeling like I peed myself- to 6-10 a day and only slightly damp!
I went out last night and had a glass of wine with dinner, only had one hot flash during the concert and came home with energy to spare...watch out world...I`M COMING BACK!
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