I was a little worried about my trip and all of the walking I would be doing. Would I be able to keep up, how would my energy level be by the end of the day and was I taking on too much and should have just sat on a beach somewhere instead?
It is funny how some of the smallest things are the things that never cross your mind and then cause you sudden panic. For instance. I was more worried about the walking and dragging others back and never even thought about wearing my wig on a plane ...overnight! I have taken naps wearing it and it did not look pretty when I woke up. It was twisted and all messed up. I realized this fact somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean. Which is probably why I didn't sleep a whole lot as I was worried that I would freak out those around me...thankfully an older gentleman did this for me when he thew up his dinner and red wine all over himself. I was trying to not gag and throw up while my husband kept asking me to look to see what was going on...from now on I get the window seat!~
Another instance came when I went through airport security and was randomly selected to be either patted down or go through the machine. Even though the customs agent comforted me that the machine does not emit regular radiation rays, I figured I had had enough radiation and opted for the pat down. Before she began I explained my wig, prosthetic and that I was still healing from radiation. She was wonderful and if I didn't know better I would say she gave me a massage and sent me on my way.
All in all, I did well at the walking...and there are A LOT of steps to climb. I took my time and stopped when I got out of breath. I was happy to find that others in my party felt the same on some of the climbs. I noticed an increase in my ability each day and by the end of the trip I found the steps easier to climb..not easy..just eas-ier. And when I thought I had no energy left I would look behind me, see the Asian bus tour pull up and know that I had better move my butt fast! It is amazing that energy suddenly finds you.
I even discovered that I never have to worry about drowning if I am wearing my prosthetic. My friend and I were trying to touch the bottom of the pool and she was able to touch with her tippy toe, but I could never get down far enough. Then I stopped and realized I was floating without needing to tread...I then went and showed my husband my new pool trick. hmmm..."squeeze the water out" he said ...I then sunk like a rock!
I am so glad that I took this trip to relax, enjoy and see a beautiful country. One more cross off on my bucket list. I also met a women <working at a spa of all places> who had had breast cancer and was now 10 years past her diagnosis. She gave me hope, knowledge and security in my future. It is great to find wonder it the most unusual of places.
Showing posts with label what to expect. Show all posts
Showing posts with label what to expect. Show all posts
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Feeling Up
My skin is almost back to normal and has a lovely smooth feeling with a side of tan-ish. Let's face it, I am a VERY white girl and the radiation has caused me to have the darkest tan I have ever had, even if it is in one square foot and I had to have cancer to get it.
I have also gone to get my prosthetic as well. It was a bit weird when the lady who made it was explaining how to care for it. She squeezed it, showed me how to wash it, apply it <yes it can stick to you for 5 days with medical adhesive> and remove it. All the while I am thinking-sick as I am- am I being felt up from a distance? It is awkward, to say the least, watching someone manipulate a replication of your breast.
While it doesn't feel natural it is a pretty good replication and what I expect an implant to feel like. The colour and nipple came out well and the form is good in my regular bras. I have also begun wearing it for a couple of hours each day to get used to it. It is not heavy but it is heavier than the "sock" I have been wearing and I am still healing on my scar line...and not to mention that new skin is itchy!
The true test was when I went to dinner at my parents last weekend and my mother told me that my left side was hanging down a bit...I looked down and then back at her and said..."But that's my real one" to which my lovely endearing mother replied "Maybe they can give you a lift".
Ahh I can feel the love.
I have also gone to get my prosthetic as well. It was a bit weird when the lady who made it was explaining how to care for it. She squeezed it, showed me how to wash it, apply it <yes it can stick to you for 5 days with medical adhesive> and remove it. All the while I am thinking-sick as I am- am I being felt up from a distance? It is awkward, to say the least, watching someone manipulate a replication of your breast.
While it doesn't feel natural it is a pretty good replication and what I expect an implant to feel like. The colour and nipple came out well and the form is good in my regular bras. I have also begun wearing it for a couple of hours each day to get used to it. It is not heavy but it is heavier than the "sock" I have been wearing and I am still healing on my scar line...and not to mention that new skin is itchy!
The true test was when I went to dinner at my parents last weekend and my mother told me that my left side was hanging down a bit...I looked down and then back at her and said..."But that's my real one" to which my lovely endearing mother replied "Maybe they can give you a lift".
Ahh I can feel the love.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Hell hath no fury
I may not be a woman scorned but I am definitely now a woman who is scorched!
I have to keep reminding myself why I chose this path..oh yeah... to survive. Up until last week the burn did not bother me much. It was to the point where I wanted to claw it out but some hydro cortisone cream ..and time.. took that away. I am burnt to the colour of embers in a fire now and the worst part is under my armpit. Along my scar and in my armpit a blister formed and broke open ..and formed..and broke open. It is quite nasty looking and the front of my chest is very sensitive.
I am giving a stripper a run for their money, as the moment I walk through the door I am whipping my bra off and flinging it as fast as it will go. The relief felt is unbelievable. I thought about going out the other day without one on. I had on a t-shirt and baggy sweatshirt and I asked my husband...does it look obvious. I got a raised eyebrow look followed by..ahh yeah! So while I am far from Dolly Pardon I guess it would be better to be smaller, as being the one boob wonder will not pass in public. Mind you if Dolly lost one boob she could still use the first one to reconstruct the second one and still have ample amounts. My cup does not runneth over so much.
Right now though, to sleep on my side causes the skin to crinkle and be painful, so sleeping on my back with my arm propped up is the most comfortable. Not so good for my husband as I do admit to snoring ..a little bit...while on my back. While standing I feel like I am in model pose as it is most comfortable to ``air my armpit out``. So having my hand on my hip suddenly makes you sashay around looking all cool....well not really but it is more comfortable.
I keep reminding myself, only three more treatments until the finish line. All I have to say is that there better be a lollipop at the end instead of a hot flash!
I have to keep reminding myself why I chose this path..oh yeah... to survive. Up until last week the burn did not bother me much. It was to the point where I wanted to claw it out but some hydro cortisone cream ..and time.. took that away. I am burnt to the colour of embers in a fire now and the worst part is under my armpit. Along my scar and in my armpit a blister formed and broke open ..and formed..and broke open. It is quite nasty looking and the front of my chest is very sensitive.
I am giving a stripper a run for their money, as the moment I walk through the door I am whipping my bra off and flinging it as fast as it will go. The relief felt is unbelievable. I thought about going out the other day without one on. I had on a t-shirt and baggy sweatshirt and I asked my husband...does it look obvious. I got a raised eyebrow look followed by..ahh yeah! So while I am far from Dolly Pardon I guess it would be better to be smaller, as being the one boob wonder will not pass in public. Mind you if Dolly lost one boob she could still use the first one to reconstruct the second one and still have ample amounts. My cup does not runneth over so much.
Right now though, to sleep on my side causes the skin to crinkle and be painful, so sleeping on my back with my arm propped up is the most comfortable. Not so good for my husband as I do admit to snoring ..a little bit...while on my back. While standing I feel like I am in model pose as it is most comfortable to ``air my armpit out``. So having my hand on my hip suddenly makes you sashay around looking all cool....well not really but it is more comfortable.
I keep reminding myself, only three more treatments until the finish line. All I have to say is that there better be a lollipop at the end instead of a hot flash!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Call me Flasher
Well radiation has begun and I am a whole 4 days in and already feel like a veteran at the process. The first day was a little intimidating as I didn't know what to expect. I registered at reception and changed into a Johnny shirt <ties to the back> and robe. Attempted to put my clothes in a locker which were all filled and then decided to stuff them in a bag I had brought instead. Sat in the waiting room for what felt like forever and then my name was called.
I followed Technician A into a doorway that had a control room on the left and then rounded around a hallway to reveal the radiation room. I took off my robe and undid the ties of my Johnny shirt and laid on the "bed". It is actually a hard plastic slab with another hard plastic piece on top of it. There is a metal curve pillow to put your head, comfort is obviously their main concern. I took my arm out of the Johnny shirt and rested it above on what looked like two stirrup holders. From there it actually felt like I was getting a pap test with the move up, move down scenario playing out. <sorry to the men who have never had this lovely experience>
Once I was lined up, out came the fancy measuring tools..yup a ruler. The lights were turned off and I realized there was a laser level above and beside me. The table moved up and down until the markings matched. Then they marked where my tattoos were. The second technician talked throughout the process to let me know what was going on. I felt like a flasher as every two seconds as the constantly whipped my shirt open and closed to ensure I hadn't moved. Then they left the room.
A machine that looks like the bottom part of a microscope started to rotate over my head and position itself above my chest with a paddle looking piece moving to my back. The one over my head/chest had a orb hat contained a series of metal bars which started shifting into a programmed pattern which for me consisted of two dashes and something that looked like half a mouse followed by two dashes. Two buzzing nosies went off <which I later learnt were the xrays> then both technicians came back in made sure I was still lined up and left the room again. Again more buzzing noises and the machine moved sideways. In came the technicians and told me I was doing great...ahhh I am just lying here.
On and off with the lights..yup still lined up...trust me I wasn't moving. Hell, I was barely breathing. They told me the radiation therapy would now begin and what felt like about a minute later I was being told to relax my arm and the table was being lowered. I was finished. It took about half an hour from start to finish but it felt like about 10 minutes. I got changed and went home and that was that. One down 24 more to go.
Day 2 was a little different. I had one of the same technicians and one new one <well..new to me>. I was told that every second day I would have this rubber pad placed on me as it brings the radiation closer to the surface. In order to keep the pad in place they used this advance technology...called masking tape to tape me down. I literally looked like I was in Gulliver's travels with long strips of masking tape from one side of me to the other. I joked that these pictures had better not show up on facebook....I am not sure they got the joke..I guess that is more of a day 10 joke.
It didn't feel any different and I was in and out in 20 minutes, but I realized that the wait time to get into this room could be long as they were a half hour behind schedule. The good part <if it can be called that> is that when you register it tells you how far behind each of the rooms are. Kind of like the wait times being posted a Disney..except the group of people is less and the lineup isn't as entertaining. A room filled with people in Johnny shirts..some of which need to be longer (much) and bigger is not something you want to see at anytime of the day.
I kept hearing people say they had one more treatment or were finished today ...sigh...but hey, I am at the point where I only have 21 more to go.
I followed Technician A into a doorway that had a control room on the left and then rounded around a hallway to reveal the radiation room. I took off my robe and undid the ties of my Johnny shirt and laid on the "bed". It is actually a hard plastic slab with another hard plastic piece on top of it. There is a metal curve pillow to put your head, comfort is obviously their main concern. I took my arm out of the Johnny shirt and rested it above on what looked like two stirrup holders. From there it actually felt like I was getting a pap test with the move up, move down scenario playing out. <sorry to the men who have never had this lovely experience>
Once I was lined up, out came the fancy measuring tools..yup a ruler. The lights were turned off and I realized there was a laser level above and beside me. The table moved up and down until the markings matched. Then they marked where my tattoos were. The second technician talked throughout the process to let me know what was going on. I felt like a flasher as every two seconds as the constantly whipped my shirt open and closed to ensure I hadn't moved. Then they left the room.
A machine that looks like the bottom part of a microscope started to rotate over my head and position itself above my chest with a paddle looking piece moving to my back. The one over my head/chest had a orb hat contained a series of metal bars which started shifting into a programmed pattern which for me consisted of two dashes and something that looked like half a mouse followed by two dashes. Two buzzing nosies went off <which I later learnt were the xrays> then both technicians came back in made sure I was still lined up and left the room again. Again more buzzing noises and the machine moved sideways. In came the technicians and told me I was doing great...ahhh I am just lying here.
On and off with the lights..yup still lined up...trust me I wasn't moving. Hell, I was barely breathing. They told me the radiation therapy would now begin and what felt like about a minute later I was being told to relax my arm and the table was being lowered. I was finished. It took about half an hour from start to finish but it felt like about 10 minutes. I got changed and went home and that was that. One down 24 more to go.
Day 2 was a little different. I had one of the same technicians and one new one <well..new to me>. I was told that every second day I would have this rubber pad placed on me as it brings the radiation closer to the surface. In order to keep the pad in place they used this advance technology...called masking tape to tape me down. I literally looked like I was in Gulliver's travels with long strips of masking tape from one side of me to the other. I joked that these pictures had better not show up on facebook....I am not sure they got the joke..I guess that is more of a day 10 joke.
It didn't feel any different and I was in and out in 20 minutes, but I realized that the wait time to get into this room could be long as they were a half hour behind schedule. The good part <if it can be called that> is that when you register it tells you how far behind each of the rooms are. Kind of like the wait times being posted a Disney..except the group of people is less and the lineup isn't as entertaining. A room filled with people in Johnny shirts..some of which need to be longer (much) and bigger is not something you want to see at anytime of the day.
I kept hearing people say they had one more treatment or were finished today ...sigh...but hey, I am at the point where I only have 21 more to go.
Monday, February 13, 2012
The war rages on
I have been finished my last chemo treatment for almost two weeks now. I continued with my "cocktail" of continuous drugs, massage and laying low; which worked and again I didn't have nearly as much discomfort as I did the first time on this drug. What I did have more this this time was complete exhaustion. I was so tired, but each time I went to lay down my brain started to get up and running, to the point where I was about ready to bang it against the headboard....shut up I need sleep!
The stupidest things would pop into my head; like, how many Spanish words do I know...let's just say you know it is going to be a short conversation when it starts with quesadilla. So I must admit that ativan and I have occasionally gotten acquainted as it doesn't put me to sleep, but it does make the gears in my brain turn off.
I did not come through this round unscathed. My skin is peeling off like a snakes second skin. I have a red spot where my vein is rejecting the drug, my right hand is swollen-but no more and no less than the past times...and I lost my taste for almost two weeks. For a girl who enjoys cooking and food this was the hardest part. Watermelon is my friend- going in anyways.
I have also noticed some odd things that I didn't before. My nails are extremely dry and actually have bands on them like tree growth. One band for each chemo round. I have also noticed that people notice me crying but didn't know that I had no eyelashes or eyebrows...good to have long wig bangs and wear glasses. Although right now my body is in a state or not knowing if chemo is coming again or not as my face has suddenly started to break out. Seriously...3 pimples in one day...my mouth is still splitting from dryness and I am still wondering if I will loose a couple toenails. But I guess if that is the worst I come out of this with, then I guess I am doing OK.
My energy level is up and I can walk more that to the fridge without getting winded. I try to get out for daily walks but the sometimes frigid weather makes me shrink back inside the house in hopes that Spring will suddenly appear...but one long look from my dog makes me bundle up like the abominal snowman and off I go.
So while the battle between the chemo drugs and my body rages on, I at least feel now like I am on the winning side and can see the end in sight...right before they burn me!
The stupidest things would pop into my head; like, how many Spanish words do I know...let's just say you know it is going to be a short conversation when it starts with quesadilla. So I must admit that ativan and I have occasionally gotten acquainted as it doesn't put me to sleep, but it does make the gears in my brain turn off.
I did not come through this round unscathed. My skin is peeling off like a snakes second skin. I have a red spot where my vein is rejecting the drug, my right hand is swollen-but no more and no less than the past times...and I lost my taste for almost two weeks. For a girl who enjoys cooking and food this was the hardest part. Watermelon is my friend- going in anyways.
I have also noticed some odd things that I didn't before. My nails are extremely dry and actually have bands on them like tree growth. One band for each chemo round. I have also noticed that people notice me crying but didn't know that I had no eyelashes or eyebrows...good to have long wig bangs and wear glasses. Although right now my body is in a state or not knowing if chemo is coming again or not as my face has suddenly started to break out. Seriously...3 pimples in one day...my mouth is still splitting from dryness and I am still wondering if I will loose a couple toenails. But I guess if that is the worst I come out of this with, then I guess I am doing OK.
My energy level is up and I can walk more that to the fridge without getting winded. I try to get out for daily walks but the sometimes frigid weather makes me shrink back inside the house in hopes that Spring will suddenly appear...but one long look from my dog makes me bundle up like the abominal snowman and off I go.
So while the battle between the chemo drugs and my body rages on, I at least feel now like I am on the winning side and can see the end in sight...right before they burn me!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Tattin' it up
So the first tattoo I ever had was two dots from my core biopsy; which they cut off. My second tattoo is four dots, about the size of a pen tip...sad I KNOW!
How did I get these four dots? Well these are my radiation markers to be used to line me up for the process..wish I could say I got them in a more exciting way..but ..sigh..not so much.
I was quite surprised that I got in to an appointment so soon after my first meeting with the radiation oncologist, but I figured they had a space and I was there to fill it. As per normal, I was slightly late for my appointment, as I spent about 10 minutes roaming around our lovely hospital parking lot with a bunch of other cars before I decided...screw this and found a spot on the street. My tardiness was ok as the doctors/therapists were running behind as well.
I registered at the desk and then waited...what?...it is the first place that I didn't have to take a number first. I sat in a room half filled with people in Johnny shirts and the other half must have been "supporters".
BUT...I did wait 20 minutes before my name was called, and sadly I was the first person to leave the room in that period. I thought, well they are just going to get me changed and then back out I will go...but I was incorrect and was lead to a room down the hallway by one of the therapists. Now I should point out this is a radiation therapist as opposed to one who you lay down on the couch for and tell them all your woes. These therapists lay you on a machine and zap you!
She explained the process which I was about to go through, told me about discounted parking and left the room while I got changed into a johnny shirt..actually 2 -one on with ties in the back and one with ties in the front..guess this department doesn't have robes. As I was finished changing in comes Dr R who is wondering how I am doing and if I have any questions. Nope, let's get this party started.
I am led across the hallway with all of my clothes bundled in my arms and wearing my johnny shirt, knee high socks and dress shoes...maybe I should have thought about this part when getting dressed this morning as this was not the fashion statement I was going for. In the room there are three people <women> all of whom are busy getting the cat scan machine ready for me. They ask me to lay down on the bed...ahh...I am holding a bunch of clothes, my jacket and my purse...oh yeah...just put those over there....I assumed she meant the ledge as opposed to a machine which looked semi important. Then I took off my shoes and laid on the bed.
They asked if I wanted a hot blanket as the room is freezing! Yes please for my legs. This is when Therapist A says..oh I should have told you that you could have left your pants on...NOW YOU TELL ME. I disrobe and take my arms out of the johnny shirt. All three survey the scar and decide how they are going to go about this. The oldest of the three states "When I used to do this we would mark it here" WAIT...what is that word "used to"? I got the impression really quickly that they are not used to seeing breast patients who have had lymph nodes removed as they debated quite some time over how to include that part of the scar. They made a plan of attack and measured me up, made some markings and placed on the wire tape <which had a series of triangle cutouts which looked like arrows>. They eyed up my one breast and "matched" it to the other side. Then outlined the scar...needless to say there was a lot of this tape on me. I looked like a package that said "This way up".
Dr. R came in to survey the outline and ended up ripping half of it off and making the area bigger...ahh...my original breast was not that big..but thanks?! They then attempted to align me...but it was easier when I just said "I'm not aligned...let me just move"..sometimes it is easier to just do it yourself. Then they pressed the magic button and sent me through the cat scan a couple of times. Once they were satisfied with the line up, they came out with transparencies. Two in fact, and drew the outline of the tape and the scar. Is is sad that your scar doesn't fit on one 8.5x11 sheet?
After they were satisfied with their "template" they took off the tape, injected me with a needle filled with ink in four spots and I was done. They left the big room and went into the little room while I got changed..and then came out and took my picture. Apparently I will get an ID tag to let the therapists know that they have the right person. Ok I am sure there are not lots of people out there willing to take my spot but do what you need to do. They told me that my radiation was scheduled to begin in three weeks...ahh ...issue. I still have one more chemo. "You do?" ...did I mention I am not feeling very confident right now? They went out of the room and came back...ok we've rescheduled you until Feb 23rd...that makes more sense.
So the bad news in all of this is that my second tattoo is four little dots and the good news is that I will be finished this phase two weeks earlier than anticipated. That I can handle!
How did I get these four dots? Well these are my radiation markers to be used to line me up for the process..wish I could say I got them in a more exciting way..but ..sigh..not so much.
I was quite surprised that I got in to an appointment so soon after my first meeting with the radiation oncologist, but I figured they had a space and I was there to fill it. As per normal, I was slightly late for my appointment, as I spent about 10 minutes roaming around our lovely hospital parking lot with a bunch of other cars before I decided...screw this and found a spot on the street. My tardiness was ok as the doctors/therapists were running behind as well.
I registered at the desk and then waited...what?...it is the first place that I didn't have to take a number first. I sat in a room half filled with people in Johnny shirts and the other half must have been "supporters".
BUT...I did wait 20 minutes before my name was called, and sadly I was the first person to leave the room in that period. I thought, well they are just going to get me changed and then back out I will go...but I was incorrect and was lead to a room down the hallway by one of the therapists. Now I should point out this is a radiation therapist as opposed to one who you lay down on the couch for and tell them all your woes. These therapists lay you on a machine and zap you!
She explained the process which I was about to go through, told me about discounted parking and left the room while I got changed into a johnny shirt..actually 2 -one on with ties in the back and one with ties in the front..guess this department doesn't have robes. As I was finished changing in comes Dr R who is wondering how I am doing and if I have any questions. Nope, let's get this party started.
I am led across the hallway with all of my clothes bundled in my arms and wearing my johnny shirt, knee high socks and dress shoes...maybe I should have thought about this part when getting dressed this morning as this was not the fashion statement I was going for. In the room there are three people <women> all of whom are busy getting the cat scan machine ready for me. They ask me to lay down on the bed...ahh...I am holding a bunch of clothes, my jacket and my purse...oh yeah...just put those over there....I assumed she meant the ledge as opposed to a machine which looked semi important. Then I took off my shoes and laid on the bed.
They asked if I wanted a hot blanket as the room is freezing! Yes please for my legs. This is when Therapist A says..oh I should have told you that you could have left your pants on...NOW YOU TELL ME. I disrobe and take my arms out of the johnny shirt. All three survey the scar and decide how they are going to go about this. The oldest of the three states "When I used to do this we would mark it here" WAIT...what is that word "used to"? I got the impression really quickly that they are not used to seeing breast patients who have had lymph nodes removed as they debated quite some time over how to include that part of the scar. They made a plan of attack and measured me up, made some markings and placed on the wire tape <which had a series of triangle cutouts which looked like arrows>. They eyed up my one breast and "matched" it to the other side. Then outlined the scar...needless to say there was a lot of this tape on me. I looked like a package that said "This way up".
Dr. R came in to survey the outline and ended up ripping half of it off and making the area bigger...ahh...my original breast was not that big..but thanks?! They then attempted to align me...but it was easier when I just said "I'm not aligned...let me just move"..sometimes it is easier to just do it yourself. Then they pressed the magic button and sent me through the cat scan a couple of times. Once they were satisfied with the line up, they came out with transparencies. Two in fact, and drew the outline of the tape and the scar. Is is sad that your scar doesn't fit on one 8.5x11 sheet?
After they were satisfied with their "template" they took off the tape, injected me with a needle filled with ink in four spots and I was done. They left the big room and went into the little room while I got changed..and then came out and took my picture. Apparently I will get an ID tag to let the therapists know that they have the right person. Ok I am sure there are not lots of people out there willing to take my spot but do what you need to do. They told me that my radiation was scheduled to begin in three weeks...ahh ...issue. I still have one more chemo. "You do?" ...did I mention I am not feeling very confident right now? They went out of the room and came back...ok we've rescheduled you until Feb 23rd...that makes more sense.
So the bad news in all of this is that my second tattoo is four little dots and the good news is that I will be finished this phase two weeks earlier than anticipated. That I can handle!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Holy Hot Flash Batman
I have always know what hot flashes were. As early as I can remember I can picture my mother standing outside in her nightgown in the middle of winter. Thinking my mother was fortunate to have periods where she was warm was apparently a grave misunderstanding on my part.
I am one of "those people" who in the middle of summer will have a blanket over me just to take the chill off; while others around me are in shorts and a tank top. So when I was told that a possible side effect was hot flashes I thought "bring them on"...finally I will be warm. What I was not anticipating was the degree in which they occur.
When you go to a Thai restaurant they forewarn you that dishes are one chili hot (mild) up to four chilies hot (bum burner)...well hot flashes kind of work the same way. Sometimes I just get a mild wave..just to warm you and other times I feel like I need to strip off and dance naked in the snow. I wonder what the neighbours would say?
I also wish there was a way to gauge when they came on and to what "chili" level they would be. I have discovered dressing in layers is probably the way to go and I am glad it is winter as the 4 chili ones would be brutal in the summer.
Here is my hot flash guide:
One Chili- This is just a mild wave of heat. It causes a slight perspiration line on the top of your lip and only warms your face. These tend to come in waves of three or four and are just enough to annoy you as opposed to warm you.
Two Chilies- I tend to get these after eating spicy food or while all bundled up waiting for my husband to still put on his shoes. Not only does the perspiration line occur but you feel like to want to lift your wig up a bit just to let some of the steam out. This one often causes sweat along your brow and lip line..sometimes extending to the back of your neck. These can be cooled down quickly with a couple of quick pulls to your shirt acting as a body fan or a cool cloth to the back of your neck.
Three Chilies- When I first started getting these it was usually the day or so after chemo but "oh lucky me" <sarcasm> kept having them. These usually occur when I am cuddled up with the hot water bottle, cat and dog in bed. This requires a quick pull down of the covers, flipping the cat off the bed and sending the dog into a barking fit. My face gets flushed as though I have drank one too many bottles of wine and my back is sweating. After flinging the hot water bottle off the bed and flapping the sheets like I am trying to take off, some relief of cool air usually sets in and all goes back to normal.
Four Chilies- This one is red hot and I feel sorry for anyone with in a 50' radius of me. These are brutal and I normally experience these day 3 and 4 after chemo and always in the middle of the night when I am/was sound asleep. This is full out war! To conquer this battle..flip all sheets off the bed...sorry to my poor husband..turn the ceiling fan onto high.
As you know animals usually sense a natural disaster and are gone way before the sheets go flying. Once Arctic temperatures are sufficiently felt, you realize you are soaked completely through your pajamas and then you begin to freeze. You cannot get the fan off and sheets up fast enough. You think about changing the wet pajamas but begin to shiver and try to curl into your husband to steal any heat that maybe remaining on him. Only he moves away as your are ice cold and wet and not to mention ...trying to sleep. You find the semi-warm hot water bottle and sheepishly look at your husband only to have him grab the bottle, grumble and go refresh it. This one takes a good half hour until the rest of the night to recover as does all things surrounding. The cat comes back after an hour or so but treads lightly...the dog decides that his bed is a safer, and a less disturbing option and the husband, as wonderful as he is...is probably thinking about the spare room bed.
I am one of "those people" who in the middle of summer will have a blanket over me just to take the chill off; while others around me are in shorts and a tank top. So when I was told that a possible side effect was hot flashes I thought "bring them on"...finally I will be warm. What I was not anticipating was the degree in which they occur.
When you go to a Thai restaurant they forewarn you that dishes are one chili hot (mild) up to four chilies hot (bum burner)...well hot flashes kind of work the same way. Sometimes I just get a mild wave..just to warm you and other times I feel like I need to strip off and dance naked in the snow. I wonder what the neighbours would say?
I also wish there was a way to gauge when they came on and to what "chili" level they would be. I have discovered dressing in layers is probably the way to go and I am glad it is winter as the 4 chili ones would be brutal in the summer.
Here is my hot flash guide:
One Chili- This is just a mild wave of heat. It causes a slight perspiration line on the top of your lip and only warms your face. These tend to come in waves of three or four and are just enough to annoy you as opposed to warm you.
Two Chilies- I tend to get these after eating spicy food or while all bundled up waiting for my husband to still put on his shoes. Not only does the perspiration line occur but you feel like to want to lift your wig up a bit just to let some of the steam out. This one often causes sweat along your brow and lip line..sometimes extending to the back of your neck. These can be cooled down quickly with a couple of quick pulls to your shirt acting as a body fan or a cool cloth to the back of your neck.
Three Chilies- When I first started getting these it was usually the day or so after chemo but "oh lucky me" <sarcasm> kept having them. These usually occur when I am cuddled up with the hot water bottle, cat and dog in bed. This requires a quick pull down of the covers, flipping the cat off the bed and sending the dog into a barking fit. My face gets flushed as though I have drank one too many bottles of wine and my back is sweating. After flinging the hot water bottle off the bed and flapping the sheets like I am trying to take off, some relief of cool air usually sets in and all goes back to normal.
Four Chilies- This one is red hot and I feel sorry for anyone with in a 50' radius of me. These are brutal and I normally experience these day 3 and 4 after chemo and always in the middle of the night when I am/was sound asleep. This is full out war! To conquer this battle..flip all sheets off the bed...sorry to my poor husband..turn the ceiling fan onto high.
As you know animals usually sense a natural disaster and are gone way before the sheets go flying. Once Arctic temperatures are sufficiently felt, you realize you are soaked completely through your pajamas and then you begin to freeze. You cannot get the fan off and sheets up fast enough. You think about changing the wet pajamas but begin to shiver and try to curl into your husband to steal any heat that maybe remaining on him. Only he moves away as your are ice cold and wet and not to mention ...trying to sleep. You find the semi-warm hot water bottle and sheepishly look at your husband only to have him grab the bottle, grumble and go refresh it. This one takes a good half hour until the rest of the night to recover as does all things surrounding. The cat comes back after an hour or so but treads lightly...the dog decides that his bed is a safer, and a less disturbing option and the husband, as wonderful as he is...is probably thinking about the spare room bed.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Beam me up
The next phase in this lovely process for me is radiation. I went to my consultation appointment with hopes of 3 weeks of radiation but in my mind, I knew that it was probably going to be 5 weeks. I was told to arrive at 10:15am but my appointment was at 10:45am and to expect to be in the appointment for an hour.
There were not may questions I had at this point as I have been thinking after surgery and chemo, radiation has to be the "easy part". After all, all I have to do is lay there, I can do that! So we showed up, grabbed a number, checked in and sat and waited...and waited...and waited. At about 10:45am we were called, again the first time meeting Nurse M and she makes me stand on a scale..seriously...these people are not going out for congeniality awards. She then escorts us to a room in some serious need of an update and asks about my current ailments. I am thinking how much time is this appointment?
I run through the latest issues I have has with this chemo, aching muscles <not joints>, loss of taste, diarrhea, peeling skin and swollen right hand, loss of most of my eyelashes and eyebrows....it's been a daily joy ride. Nurse M has a sense of humor <yeah> and we laugh the whole way through..really at this point it has become a daily laughter on what will happen tomorrow....
She says Dr R will be by in about 15 minutes...45 minutes later in walks Dr R. Who then asks if I have any immediate questions..nope...am I on any medication besides the chemo drugs..nope...ok exam time. Put the Johnny shirt on with ties to the back....everyone wants this thing on a different way.
He checks my neck, and I breathe in and out while he checks my lungs...then does and inspection of my scar as well as my left breast. He asks "are you having reconstruction?"...yes..."hmmm..that changes my approach" ...????
Apparently my wanting reconstruction means he will have to zap me with a lower dose over a longer period. I will have 25 rounds on my chest wall and 16 rounds on my lymphnodes above my chest wall. It will be sessions of 10mins over 5 weeks. This is a large commitment but it takes my risk of recurrence from 20% to 5% and I like those odds...95% of it never coming back sounds much better than 80%.
He seemed a little pensive and then said "You seem very relaxed". I am thinking...what is the appropriate response because I think "Hey man, I have found out I had cancer, had a breast taken off and am going through chemotherapy...I am thinking not much more can phase me"..but reply politely <how strange> with it is what it is....then he turns to B and asks him how he is doing..."fine, I see this stuff all the time in my profession".
On a side note, this doctor started several positive support groups and I think he was disappointed that we were not going to be his latest participants. Don't get me wrong, I think support groups are useful but there are times when I get tired of talking about myself <hard to believe> so the last thing I want to do is hear other stories...let me get through this and then maybe....
Dr R left after he said he would see me back in about a month for a run through and final consultation before the radiation began <4-5 weeks after my last chemo>.
Nurse M returned with a consent form for me to sign explaining that I was aware of the side effects..
-Scarring on the lung <permanent>
-Sun burn <temporary>
-Aching of ribs <temporary>
-Fatigue <temporary>
She handed me some reading material and we were off. I spent more time waiting for something to happen than I did in the actual appointment but I think this is how my radiation is going to go as well.
There were not may questions I had at this point as I have been thinking after surgery and chemo, radiation has to be the "easy part". After all, all I have to do is lay there, I can do that! So we showed up, grabbed a number, checked in and sat and waited...and waited...and waited. At about 10:45am we were called, again the first time meeting Nurse M and she makes me stand on a scale..seriously...these people are not going out for congeniality awards. She then escorts us to a room in some serious need of an update and asks about my current ailments. I am thinking how much time is this appointment?
I run through the latest issues I have has with this chemo, aching muscles <not joints>, loss of taste, diarrhea, peeling skin and swollen right hand, loss of most of my eyelashes and eyebrows....it's been a daily joy ride. Nurse M has a sense of humor <yeah> and we laugh the whole way through..really at this point it has become a daily laughter on what will happen tomorrow....
She says Dr R will be by in about 15 minutes...45 minutes later in walks Dr R. Who then asks if I have any immediate questions..nope...am I on any medication besides the chemo drugs..nope...ok exam time. Put the Johnny shirt on with ties to the back....everyone wants this thing on a different way.
He checks my neck, and I breathe in and out while he checks my lungs...then does and inspection of my scar as well as my left breast. He asks "are you having reconstruction?"...yes..."hmmm..that changes my approach" ...????
Apparently my wanting reconstruction means he will have to zap me with a lower dose over a longer period. I will have 25 rounds on my chest wall and 16 rounds on my lymphnodes above my chest wall. It will be sessions of 10mins over 5 weeks. This is a large commitment but it takes my risk of recurrence from 20% to 5% and I like those odds...95% of it never coming back sounds much better than 80%.
He seemed a little pensive and then said "You seem very relaxed". I am thinking...what is the appropriate response because I think "Hey man, I have found out I had cancer, had a breast taken off and am going through chemotherapy...I am thinking not much more can phase me"..but reply politely <how strange> with it is what it is....then he turns to B and asks him how he is doing..."fine, I see this stuff all the time in my profession".
On a side note, this doctor started several positive support groups and I think he was disappointed that we were not going to be his latest participants. Don't get me wrong, I think support groups are useful but there are times when I get tired of talking about myself <hard to believe> so the last thing I want to do is hear other stories...let me get through this and then maybe....
Dr R left after he said he would see me back in about a month for a run through and final consultation before the radiation began <4-5 weeks after my last chemo>.
Nurse M returned with a consent form for me to sign explaining that I was aware of the side effects..
-Scarring on the lung <permanent>
-Sun burn <temporary>
-Aching of ribs <temporary>
-Fatigue <temporary>
She handed me some reading material and we were off. I spent more time waiting for something to happen than I did in the actual appointment but I think this is how my radiation is going to go as well.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
The Thunder Rolls
My family has never shied away from any conversation, least of all the topic of poop. It never seems to fail that at every dinner someone brings up the topic of poop in some manner. Just once I wish this wasn't the case but I can't control it...which leads me to today's blog.
During this time I felt like my bowels were being controlled by someone else. I was beginning to think an army had taken over my internal workings and were directing the flow. There must have been a renegade General in there as he was pushing everything through..I could just imagine him yelling "Everybody out..move it move it"...'cause that is what was going on. Literally. I would eat and then that was it...to the bathroom I would run. As for the drug running through my system I am sure the General had the lower ranks scrubbing every part of me as half my face was numb. From below my right eye to the bottom of my chin had no feeling. I had sharp pains in my lower abdomen which I wish were from too many sit ups but sooooo not the case.
To add insult to injury I developed a red irritation on a 2" spot on my right hand and a couple of spots on my left which had small blisters on them. My right hand was swollen so I took a couple of ibuprofen to try to get the swelling down and watched as the skin dried out and began to peel...did I mention my face beginning to peel?
After a couple of days my taste buds started to return as I was getting pretty tired of grapes, smoothies, watermelon and tomatoes...but at least I could taste those. It felt like I had pieces of oatmeal in my mouth which I can only imagine were pieces of skin cells sloughing off...yeah me!
The bright side? If I must come up with something I guess I can look at the skin peeling as exfoliation and the fact that I could taste some things was better than not tasting anything. Plus I was able to get in for several massages and have already booked some for after the next chemo....but really....I would rather wallow in my own self pity, bitch about the "guess what happened today" and crawl under the covers and not come out until mid February when this chemo shit <see there I go talking about it> is over...come on February!
During this time I felt like my bowels were being controlled by someone else. I was beginning to think an army had taken over my internal workings and were directing the flow. There must have been a renegade General in there as he was pushing everything through..I could just imagine him yelling "Everybody out..move it move it"...'cause that is what was going on. Literally. I would eat and then that was it...to the bathroom I would run. As for the drug running through my system I am sure the General had the lower ranks scrubbing every part of me as half my face was numb. From below my right eye to the bottom of my chin had no feeling. I had sharp pains in my lower abdomen which I wish were from too many sit ups but sooooo not the case.
To add insult to injury I developed a red irritation on a 2" spot on my right hand and a couple of spots on my left which had small blisters on them. My right hand was swollen so I took a couple of ibuprofen to try to get the swelling down and watched as the skin dried out and began to peel...did I mention my face beginning to peel?
After a couple of days my taste buds started to return as I was getting pretty tired of grapes, smoothies, watermelon and tomatoes...but at least I could taste those. It felt like I had pieces of oatmeal in my mouth which I can only imagine were pieces of skin cells sloughing off...yeah me!
The bright side? If I must come up with something I guess I can look at the skin peeling as exfoliation and the fact that I could taste some things was better than not tasting anything. Plus I was able to get in for several massages and have already booked some for after the next chemo....but really....I would rather wallow in my own self pity, bitch about the "guess what happened today" and crawl under the covers and not come out until mid February when this chemo shit <see there I go talking about it> is over...come on February!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
D is for DAMN!
Docetaxel is my latest drug in the cocktail elixir of round 4. It is the only drip for the next three rounds. I had been prepared for the many side effects of this one but thought I would hold off judgement as I had gone through the first ones without many side effects. Chemo takes place on a Wednesday and then within 24-36 hours after the fact I was to get an injection of Neulasta. It is meant to help increase your immune system but can also cause muscle and joint pain.
So in I go for chemo with my "tree root" vein which they are unable to use. They heat up my hand with a warm blanket and then go searching for another vein source. Nurse K thinks she has one, but doesn't get in...then tries again on the underside of my arm...ok THAT hurts...but does not succeed. She calls over Nurse W <as they only poke you 2x before getting someone else...they are kind like that>. Nurse W searches all over, heats me up again and then goes in...nope...sigh..but the 4th time is a charm and we're off. Sometimes this drug can cause an allergic reaction when then inject it so they sit with you for a bit to ensure everything is all good. And for once I am doing well..no coughing fits, no numbness in fingers and toes all good. I sit quietly observing all around me while my husband is up observing a gentlemen next to us get injected through a port. Sick husband!
After an hour they do the flush and off I go. Well that was nothing! The next morning I wake up a little tired but I am pleased that I am not hitting the 1/2 hour wall like the first three rounds. I am a bit tired but I can push through this one. Then comes the injection, you have the option of having VON come into do this but my husband is a trained professional so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and let him inject me. I have never used any type of illegal drug in my life and now I am being injected with a $2000 legal drug...kind of seems off..maybe I should have tried some cheaper stuff first..but I am a girl with expensive taste. The needle was like a skin scratch and I felt some fluid move but within a minute you would never have known it was done. <Injected into my side stomach...lots of fat layers to hide the pain> Unlike my arm, which now looked like a pin cushion full of bruises and injection sites. Good job hunny!
I did start taking the ibuprofen and got the prescription done up for the Tylenol 3s but wasn't sure I needed them as this chemo seemed to be going well. Then I woke up the next morning and felt like I was getting the flu. Every muscle in my body felt like it was seizing and it felt like my cough was coming back. Although it was hard to tell as the acid reflux came back with a vengeance during the night and felt like it had burned my throat. Maybe I was getting the flu...I took a shower and massaged my muscles and felt good..I then got out of the shower and all things seized again..oh..ooh..did I mention this was Christmas Eve.
I went out and did some errands which turned out to be faster than anticipated, given the day, and came home. I started feeling really tired and decided to lay down..the only problem with this was that everywhere ached, so after an hour of fighting with positions I got up, took a bath and wrapped some presents. I tried to have a drink but it burnt my throat even more and I just gave up. Damn it ...it was Christmas and I was going to suck it up. We went out a friends house but after an hour of trying to move around to get comfortable and drinking water I thought..maybe we should go home...I walked through the door and went to bed with a hot water bottle. Not that this did any good as I flip flopped the whole night trying to find one place that was comfortable, only to discover there were none to be found. Although my husband did roll over to me and said..I'm a little cold...do you think you could have a hot flash right about now...seriously? Do you want the Christmas tree shoved up your ass? Actually I was a little chilled too but did not wish for the hot flashes.
The next day between the pill popping, a couple of baths massaging the pain, the acid reflux continuation and the hot flashes I was thinking MERRY F%^KING CHRISTMAS! I did manage to move around the house as small step walking seem to help..avoid stairs though..they hurt...got dressed..occasionally found myself staring at walls ...I made it to Christmas dinner. I was lucky as I only had to show up...not that I was much fun...two large hot flashes and tunnel vision later, my taste bud seem to have gone out of whack as well...I was only too happy to get home to bed....I think I got about an hours sleep as I had constant hot flashes that lasted almost 3 hours.
At one point I thought I should take my temperature but decided that would not get an accurate reading..then I thought..should I go to emergency as this is cannot be normal...but did I ...no...I laid there soaking through my pajamas, occasionally getting up to walk around but got cold...and went back to bed. The next two days I laid as low as I could. I was ready to have a full mental breakdown but kept thinking..this has to change at some point right? It can't last for three weeks..can it? I was due to go to a family function but decided this was not my best decision and family understands.
Also on day 5-6 my taste buds flared up to 3x their normal size and everything I ate had no flavour and tasted like sawdust...oh did I mention the insane diarrhea..yup...keeps getting better and better. I am one attractive lady!
On day 6 I decided I should get a massage. Someone rubbing me with heat and oil for an hour was a good thing. I was lucky to get in on such short notice and I took it as a good sign. The moment I got on the table and the large heating pad was put on was the first moment of relief I felt in 6 days. I have not gone for a massage since before my surgery as I wasn't sure how to approach the situation, but being in constant pain for 6 days makes you get over any inhibitions or embarrassment you have. I just flat out told L that I was going to take off my wig, I am in chemo, I only have one breast and please help me. L was great and she wasn't phased at all. She got the extra big heating pad, extra pillows to help prop me up so I laid flat and we laughed and giggled for an hour about our crazy dog stories. <She wins those ones>, Afterwards I got up and for the first time in many days I walked without pain. Why had I waited so long? How long will this last? When is the next available appointment?
And the good news is that I have found McDonald's banana-strawberry fruit smoothies are a relief to my mouth. I don't care if they have sugar in them...being able to "eat" something with flavour overrides this. I will try to make another massage appointment with in the next two days as L is booked, need to buy smoothie supplies...oh and did I mention that a hemroid has decided to flare up and the sides of my mouth have cracked...fun times....I think I should buy a pharamcy as I seem to be there often enough!
So in I go for chemo with my "tree root" vein which they are unable to use. They heat up my hand with a warm blanket and then go searching for another vein source. Nurse K thinks she has one, but doesn't get in...then tries again on the underside of my arm...ok THAT hurts...but does not succeed. She calls over Nurse W <as they only poke you 2x before getting someone else...they are kind like that>. Nurse W searches all over, heats me up again and then goes in...nope...sigh..but the 4th time is a charm and we're off. Sometimes this drug can cause an allergic reaction when then inject it so they sit with you for a bit to ensure everything is all good. And for once I am doing well..no coughing fits, no numbness in fingers and toes all good. I sit quietly observing all around me while my husband is up observing a gentlemen next to us get injected through a port. Sick husband!
After an hour they do the flush and off I go. Well that was nothing! The next morning I wake up a little tired but I am pleased that I am not hitting the 1/2 hour wall like the first three rounds. I am a bit tired but I can push through this one. Then comes the injection, you have the option of having VON come into do this but my husband is a trained professional so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and let him inject me. I have never used any type of illegal drug in my life and now I am being injected with a $2000 legal drug...kind of seems off..maybe I should have tried some cheaper stuff first..but I am a girl with expensive taste. The needle was like a skin scratch and I felt some fluid move but within a minute you would never have known it was done. <Injected into my side stomach...lots of fat layers to hide the pain> Unlike my arm, which now looked like a pin cushion full of bruises and injection sites. Good job hunny!
I did start taking the ibuprofen and got the prescription done up for the Tylenol 3s but wasn't sure I needed them as this chemo seemed to be going well. Then I woke up the next morning and felt like I was getting the flu. Every muscle in my body felt like it was seizing and it felt like my cough was coming back. Although it was hard to tell as the acid reflux came back with a vengeance during the night and felt like it had burned my throat. Maybe I was getting the flu...I took a shower and massaged my muscles and felt good..I then got out of the shower and all things seized again..oh..ooh..did I mention this was Christmas Eve.
I went out and did some errands which turned out to be faster than anticipated, given the day, and came home. I started feeling really tired and decided to lay down..the only problem with this was that everywhere ached, so after an hour of fighting with positions I got up, took a bath and wrapped some presents. I tried to have a drink but it burnt my throat even more and I just gave up. Damn it ...it was Christmas and I was going to suck it up. We went out a friends house but after an hour of trying to move around to get comfortable and drinking water I thought..maybe we should go home...I walked through the door and went to bed with a hot water bottle. Not that this did any good as I flip flopped the whole night trying to find one place that was comfortable, only to discover there were none to be found. Although my husband did roll over to me and said..I'm a little cold...do you think you could have a hot flash right about now...seriously? Do you want the Christmas tree shoved up your ass? Actually I was a little chilled too but did not wish for the hot flashes.
The next day between the pill popping, a couple of baths massaging the pain, the acid reflux continuation and the hot flashes I was thinking MERRY F%^KING CHRISTMAS! I did manage to move around the house as small step walking seem to help..avoid stairs though..they hurt...got dressed..occasionally found myself staring at walls ...I made it to Christmas dinner. I was lucky as I only had to show up...not that I was much fun...two large hot flashes and tunnel vision later, my taste bud seem to have gone out of whack as well...I was only too happy to get home to bed....I think I got about an hours sleep as I had constant hot flashes that lasted almost 3 hours.
At one point I thought I should take my temperature but decided that would not get an accurate reading..then I thought..should I go to emergency as this is cannot be normal...but did I ...no...I laid there soaking through my pajamas, occasionally getting up to walk around but got cold...and went back to bed. The next two days I laid as low as I could. I was ready to have a full mental breakdown but kept thinking..this has to change at some point right? It can't last for three weeks..can it? I was due to go to a family function but decided this was not my best decision and family understands.
Also on day 5-6 my taste buds flared up to 3x their normal size and everything I ate had no flavour and tasted like sawdust...oh did I mention the insane diarrhea..yup...keeps getting better and better. I am one attractive lady!
On day 6 I decided I should get a massage. Someone rubbing me with heat and oil for an hour was a good thing. I was lucky to get in on such short notice and I took it as a good sign. The moment I got on the table and the large heating pad was put on was the first moment of relief I felt in 6 days. I have not gone for a massage since before my surgery as I wasn't sure how to approach the situation, but being in constant pain for 6 days makes you get over any inhibitions or embarrassment you have. I just flat out told L that I was going to take off my wig, I am in chemo, I only have one breast and please help me. L was great and she wasn't phased at all. She got the extra big heating pad, extra pillows to help prop me up so I laid flat and we laughed and giggled for an hour about our crazy dog stories. <She wins those ones>, Afterwards I got up and for the first time in many days I walked without pain. Why had I waited so long? How long will this last? When is the next available appointment?
And the good news is that I have found McDonald's banana-strawberry fruit smoothies are a relief to my mouth. I don't care if they have sugar in them...being able to "eat" something with flavour overrides this. I will try to make another massage appointment with in the next two days as L is booked, need to buy smoothie supplies...oh and did I mention that a hemroid has decided to flare up and the sides of my mouth have cracked...fun times....I think I should buy a pharamcy as I seem to be there often enough!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Who's the boss of you
Ok so I was all cocky thinking these first rounds were no big deal. Then chemo stuck me in the ass and made me realize whose boss in all of this ...and it is not me. After my third round the vein they had been using for the three rounds decided to become irritated. It all of a sudden got hard and felt like a "tree root". I couldn't straighten my arm or carry any weight in it. I could feel the vein from the point of where the injected me all the way to my armpit and it HURT to touch it. I called the cancer centre and they said this is common and to apply heat on a regular basis, take Tylenol <checking temp first> for 48 to 72 hrs. Well this was a bit difficult to do as we were on the road visiting family, but I did get a hold of a hot water bottle and attempt this as often as possible.
And to top it off the Saturday before my last chemo I did not follow my own chemo rules by keeping up with my snacking every two hours and staying away from grocery stores on the busiest day. I got a bit run down and a cold found its way into my system. So here I am visiting family with a constant running nose, a cough that sounded like I had emphysema and should be taken to emergency. Fun times.
Normally a cold for me takes about 3-5 days to get over but 4 weeks later I still have the occasional cough and the running nose took almost 3 weeks to go away. As for the vein, I can still feel it but at least I can only feel it in my lower arm portion as opposed to from my wrist to my armpit. I still put the occasional hot water bottle on it..but it just goes to show that I am not the boss of me! Who knew? Apparently everyone but me..lol.
And to top it off the Saturday before my last chemo I did not follow my own chemo rules by keeping up with my snacking every two hours and staying away from grocery stores on the busiest day. I got a bit run down and a cold found its way into my system. So here I am visiting family with a constant running nose, a cough that sounded like I had emphysema and should be taken to emergency. Fun times.
Normally a cold for me takes about 3-5 days to get over but 4 weeks later I still have the occasional cough and the running nose took almost 3 weeks to go away. As for the vein, I can still feel it but at least I can only feel it in my lower arm portion as opposed to from my wrist to my armpit. I still put the occasional hot water bottle on it..but it just goes to show that I am not the boss of me! Who knew? Apparently everyone but me..lol.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
2 for 1
I have been a little neglectful in filling you in on the last two rounds of chemo. I have just had #3 of 6 so I am half way through the chemo portion. Can I get a whoot whoot! Luckily these three rounds have been pretty much the same...lots of pee breaks, constant eating to control the awful acid reflux, chemo fog aka large mental blocks, and limiting activity in the first week to 1/2 hour stints.
In the grand scheme of things and compared to others stories...I blew right through these. I have heard other people talk about not being able to handle the downward elevator...which sucks because chemo is on the 11th floor! Others are having dramatic mood swings, I just call that me! Some have talked about extreme fatigue and severe nausea...thankful I have not had either.....NOW....having said that, my first three rounds were the same drug. The next three rounds will be different. Only one injection of Docetaxil. They mix things up a bit but having me take a steroid the day before and after. Currently I am only taking them for three days after...and so far no weight gain from them but I do swell up a bit..wearing rings or should I say getting them off has become challenging at times.
I am still had the coughing fits during the injection of the epirubicin which is apparently the first in the history of this hospital. Oh well..there is my claim to fame...although this round I drank 1.5L of water during the 1/2 hour it took to inject it and it still wasn't enough and needed more water...crazy really. If you told me I had to drink that much water in a short amount of time I would have said you were nuts but as it turns out it was easy and I didn't even notice that it was gone until I coughed...and coughed...and coughed. Where is that Popsicle for injection 2 when you need it.
Mind you, there are a couple guidelines I do recommend as I was a bit of a bad girl and went out after the 3rd round of chemo instead of going home to rest. The nurses were not worried so why should I be...but if you decide to do this, I do advise:
1. Not wearing so many layers...hot flashes came in plenty of waves..this might have something to do with the tank top, shirt, sweater and down jacket I decided to wear in +14 weather
2. Do not walk up hills, this is hard to avoid where I live but by the time we hit the top of the hill, I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest. this went away shortly but did not help with the hot flashes
3. Do not drink caffeine...it will not help with the heat
4. Do not dance for 2 hrs in a venue full of 10k ppl...sit occasionally
5. BUT I wouldn't have done any differently as it was a great way to say bye bye chemo round number 3
In the grand scheme of things and compared to others stories...I blew right through these. I have heard other people talk about not being able to handle the downward elevator...which sucks because chemo is on the 11th floor! Others are having dramatic mood swings, I just call that me! Some have talked about extreme fatigue and severe nausea...thankful I have not had either.....NOW....having said that, my first three rounds were the same drug. The next three rounds will be different. Only one injection of Docetaxil. They mix things up a bit but having me take a steroid the day before and after. Currently I am only taking them for three days after...and so far no weight gain from them but I do swell up a bit..wearing rings or should I say getting them off has become challenging at times.
I am still had the coughing fits during the injection of the epirubicin which is apparently the first in the history of this hospital. Oh well..there is my claim to fame...although this round I drank 1.5L of water during the 1/2 hour it took to inject it and it still wasn't enough and needed more water...crazy really. If you told me I had to drink that much water in a short amount of time I would have said you were nuts but as it turns out it was easy and I didn't even notice that it was gone until I coughed...and coughed...and coughed. Where is that Popsicle for injection 2 when you need it.
Mind you, there are a couple guidelines I do recommend as I was a bit of a bad girl and went out after the 3rd round of chemo instead of going home to rest. The nurses were not worried so why should I be...but if you decide to do this, I do advise:
1. Not wearing so many layers...hot flashes came in plenty of waves..this might have something to do with the tank top, shirt, sweater and down jacket I decided to wear in +14 weather
2. Do not walk up hills, this is hard to avoid where I live but by the time we hit the top of the hill, I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest. this went away shortly but did not help with the hot flashes
3. Do not drink caffeine...it will not help with the heat
4. Do not dance for 2 hrs in a venue full of 10k ppl...sit occasionally
5. BUT I wouldn't have done any differently as it was a great way to say bye bye chemo round number 3
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wigging Out
The loss of my hair has not only been emotionally painful but physically as well. I knew the day was inevitable but still shed many tears over what I would look like bald. Each day after chemo I pulled my fingers through my hair to see if today was the day. I was always overwhelmed with relief when I realized I was "safe" for another day.
I think <no expert here> that the hair loss portion of chemotherapy is more traumatic for women than men. Women make a ritual out of their hair and I am no exception. I love going to my hairdresser, curling up reading magazines by the fire in the winter with the best hot chocolate and a glass of wine in the summer. L and I would laugh and giggle for the whole two hours. When it came time for what both of us assumed would be my last appointment for awhile we were an emotional wreck. We even started with a glass of wine to get our emotions under control. I had decided to cut my hair short in anticipation of my future. My hair had not been long in a long time but I went from shoulder length to a pixie cut. I did love my new do but it was a constant reminder of what was to come.
After my first round of chemo I went to a wig consultant as I had heard it could take 7-10 days to get one in and you lose your hair approx 14 days after chemo so there was no time to waste. I called around and discovered there was a huge difference in what services were provided with the wig as well as the price. I choose a place that was more expensive but it offered a full consultation, the wig, stand, shampoo and conditioner and styling.
Now the real vs synthetic. I opted for synthetic only due to cost. I could not justify $1000-2000 for a real hair wig which I was hoping to have for only 6 months. There are different types of caps and this is where the wigs are separated, get what is most comfortable and you feel will not come off. I went for the "Cadillac" version of the cap. It is full mesh cap with rubber pads and tightens in the back. It fit my head and there was no chance that thing was coming off. Overall choosing a wig is pretty basic. Pick the cap, pick the length and pick the colour. Hence the reason choosing someone who can style it makes all the difference.
The chemo school did forewarn me that when hair loss was about to occur it would feel like a too tight pony tail. What they didn't tell me is that it would feel like 500 too tight pony tails. On day 10 after chemo my head was really sensitive to the point where it hurt to wash it. Laying my head on a pillow was by no means soothing and I was thinking at this point a geisha pillow would come in handy.
I think this is your body's way of coming to terms with hair loss. By day 12, I was thinking we were going to need new plumbing. My hair, even as short as it was, was coming out in droves. Everywhere I looked there was hair on the floor around me. I took the dog for a walk and there were streams of hair coming out from my head. So much so that I checked my head a lot during this time to ensure no bald spots were occurring.
I called D to find out where my wig was and made an appointment for day 14. I have always had fine hair but a ton of it. You have over 100,000 hairs on your head and I was losing about 10 at a time. If I ran my fingers through my hair it looked like I had cut a chunk out. I figured at this rate I would be bald by day 14.
On day 13 I did not run my fingers through my hair as I was in conserve my hair mode. I didn't go anywhere but I did wash it but admittedly did not brush it. I started to, but I was brushing out more hair than I think was on my head. I then decided I was ready for my hair to be gone. I had come to terms with it and knew that <unfortunately> thousands of other woman had been in this same place before me.
Now I might talk the talk, but getting in the car to go to my wig appointment was a whole other ballgame. It was like going to meet my maker and the 50 steps from the car to the front door took many long deep breaths. B had come with me and I had already decided he would be the first to see my head shaved. I couldn't see it happen. D was awesome and when I told her I couldn't watch she understood.
She spun me around and began cutting <she cuts your hair to 1/8" long as the wig and a newly bald head would be too sensitive together>. She even took the effort to move any cut hair away from falling on the cape. When she was done B looked at me and said...you have good shaped head. D massaged my head with a tingly product which felt great and soothing. It was the least painful my head had been in days. It was a relief.
She left the room and B said..it doesn't look bad. I turned my head slightly to the mirror and did a quick peek...was he crazy! Quick, turn my head back. Won't be doing that again for awhile. Bravery is not my forte.
Once the wig was on D spun me back..well that looked pretty good. She parted it, shaped and styled it. Wow this thing actually looks like hair!
That night I took off "Molly" and stared in the mirror. I was more than hair. I had gone through so much in a short period of time and come through it in what I term as easily. This was one more hurdle that I had crossed over. It was <in my mind> the high jump of hurdles. From now on I am on the healing side of this crazy cancer thing. Now quick put a hat on because my head is freezing!
I think <no expert here> that the hair loss portion of chemotherapy is more traumatic for women than men. Women make a ritual out of their hair and I am no exception. I love going to my hairdresser, curling up reading magazines by the fire in the winter with the best hot chocolate and a glass of wine in the summer. L and I would laugh and giggle for the whole two hours. When it came time for what both of us assumed would be my last appointment for awhile we were an emotional wreck. We even started with a glass of wine to get our emotions under control. I had decided to cut my hair short in anticipation of my future. My hair had not been long in a long time but I went from shoulder length to a pixie cut. I did love my new do but it was a constant reminder of what was to come.
After my first round of chemo I went to a wig consultant as I had heard it could take 7-10 days to get one in and you lose your hair approx 14 days after chemo so there was no time to waste. I called around and discovered there was a huge difference in what services were provided with the wig as well as the price. I choose a place that was more expensive but it offered a full consultation, the wig, stand, shampoo and conditioner and styling.
Now the real vs synthetic. I opted for synthetic only due to cost. I could not justify $1000-2000 for a real hair wig which I was hoping to have for only 6 months. There are different types of caps and this is where the wigs are separated, get what is most comfortable and you feel will not come off. I went for the "Cadillac" version of the cap. It is full mesh cap with rubber pads and tightens in the back. It fit my head and there was no chance that thing was coming off. Overall choosing a wig is pretty basic. Pick the cap, pick the length and pick the colour. Hence the reason choosing someone who can style it makes all the difference.
The chemo school did forewarn me that when hair loss was about to occur it would feel like a too tight pony tail. What they didn't tell me is that it would feel like 500 too tight pony tails. On day 10 after chemo my head was really sensitive to the point where it hurt to wash it. Laying my head on a pillow was by no means soothing and I was thinking at this point a geisha pillow would come in handy.
I think this is your body's way of coming to terms with hair loss. By day 12, I was thinking we were going to need new plumbing. My hair, even as short as it was, was coming out in droves. Everywhere I looked there was hair on the floor around me. I took the dog for a walk and there were streams of hair coming out from my head. So much so that I checked my head a lot during this time to ensure no bald spots were occurring.
I called D to find out where my wig was and made an appointment for day 14. I have always had fine hair but a ton of it. You have over 100,000 hairs on your head and I was losing about 10 at a time. If I ran my fingers through my hair it looked like I had cut a chunk out. I figured at this rate I would be bald by day 14.
On day 13 I did not run my fingers through my hair as I was in conserve my hair mode. I didn't go anywhere but I did wash it but admittedly did not brush it. I started to, but I was brushing out more hair than I think was on my head. I then decided I was ready for my hair to be gone. I had come to terms with it and knew that <unfortunately> thousands of other woman had been in this same place before me.
Now I might talk the talk, but getting in the car to go to my wig appointment was a whole other ballgame. It was like going to meet my maker and the 50 steps from the car to the front door took many long deep breaths. B had come with me and I had already decided he would be the first to see my head shaved. I couldn't see it happen. D was awesome and when I told her I couldn't watch she understood.
She spun me around and began cutting <she cuts your hair to 1/8" long as the wig and a newly bald head would be too sensitive together>. She even took the effort to move any cut hair away from falling on the cape. When she was done B looked at me and said...you have good shaped head. D massaged my head with a tingly product which felt great and soothing. It was the least painful my head had been in days. It was a relief.
She left the room and B said..it doesn't look bad. I turned my head slightly to the mirror and did a quick peek...was he crazy! Quick, turn my head back. Won't be doing that again for awhile. Bravery is not my forte.
Once the wig was on D spun me back..well that looked pretty good. She parted it, shaped and styled it. Wow this thing actually looks like hair!
That night I took off "Molly" and stared in the mirror. I was more than hair. I had gone through so much in a short period of time and come through it in what I term as easily. This was one more hurdle that I had crossed over. It was <in my mind> the high jump of hurdles. From now on I am on the healing side of this crazy cancer thing. Now quick put a hat on because my head is freezing!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
The days following
Believe me when I say the "chemo fog" they talk about is true. The week following my first round of chemo, I could not put full sentences together. It was as if all the neurons were misfiring and making any life changing decisions during this period is not recommended. I got half way through making dinner and forgot what I was making...not good when dealing with open flames.
Napping is also recommended. Don't get me wrong I am a girl who has always loved her naps but things are different now. I felt like Wile. E. Coyote when he hits the wall, slides down it and decides...this is a good place to nap. I was good in half hour stints. Then I would hit the wall and have to sit down...I was good to go in about 10 minutes and this is when you realize...I guess something is definitely going on and my body is trying to cope.
To top it off, acid reflux has found its way to my body. I have never had any heartburn or acid reflux in my life...yes this keeps getting better. I have found that I am able to keep this under control with a slight amount of food..literally a couple pieces of carrot or a piece of cheese and it goes away. Although a piece of cheese is not overly appealing at 2am so I have opted for animal crackers during this time. Gotta keep the kid in me going after all. Plus water is your best friend....keep drinking it...the constant bathroom breaks suck but at least it keeps away the dryness in your mouth.
Then there are the drugs. I only have to take them for a couple of days which is good because one of the steroids makes me looked sunburned and alcohol during this time is meant to be eliminated...and this is probably when you want it the most. After the first week was over, my body, mind and spirit started coming back. The fog lifted and my energy level came back and for the next two weeks it was like nothing was going on.
I didn't get any mouth sores, but did find myself in the first week biting the inside of my mouth..but I blame that on the fog. I also didn't get the aching joints or some of the other side effects so all in all one week out of three to be down isn't so bad..right...?
I did check my hair each day to see if it was falling out. On the 12th day after chemo I started noticing strands of hair coming out...but that is another story for another day.
Stay tuned.
Napping is also recommended. Don't get me wrong I am a girl who has always loved her naps but things are different now. I felt like Wile. E. Coyote when he hits the wall, slides down it and decides...this is a good place to nap. I was good in half hour stints. Then I would hit the wall and have to sit down...I was good to go in about 10 minutes and this is when you realize...I guess something is definitely going on and my body is trying to cope.
To top it off, acid reflux has found its way to my body. I have never had any heartburn or acid reflux in my life...yes this keeps getting better. I have found that I am able to keep this under control with a slight amount of food..literally a couple pieces of carrot or a piece of cheese and it goes away. Although a piece of cheese is not overly appealing at 2am so I have opted for animal crackers during this time. Gotta keep the kid in me going after all. Plus water is your best friend....keep drinking it...the constant bathroom breaks suck but at least it keeps away the dryness in your mouth.
Then there are the drugs. I only have to take them for a couple of days which is good because one of the steroids makes me looked sunburned and alcohol during this time is meant to be eliminated...and this is probably when you want it the most. After the first week was over, my body, mind and spirit started coming back. The fog lifted and my energy level came back and for the next two weeks it was like nothing was going on.
I didn't get any mouth sores, but did find myself in the first week biting the inside of my mouth..but I blame that on the fog. I also didn't get the aching joints or some of the other side effects so all in all one week out of three to be down isn't so bad..right...?
I did check my hair each day to see if it was falling out. On the 12th day after chemo I started noticing strands of hair coming out...but that is another story for another day.
Stay tuned.
Friday, November 4, 2011
The New Kid in Town
I wasn't sure what to expect on chemo injection day. I had tried not to read anything about this as I realize everyone reacts differently to it. As previously forewarned I had planned a fairly bland menu for the next couple of days...aka things that if I did throw up wouldn't be so bad the second time around. Plus I had a basic lunch...just in case.
My husband, knowing the hospital a little too well, took us up the back elevators. We arrived outside of the surgery room and I thought...ahhh...been there, done that. But then noticed a small 'this way" sign to chemotherapy. After wandering through a series of hallways, past a great city view <for those who are not scared of heights> we arrived at the registration desk and then hung out in the waiting room.
Today it was filled with people with hair- no baldies today...hmmm..we must all be new or they are on a different chemo path. The room was filled with a mixture of men and women and the long term room was full, making the fact that I live in a province where 47% of people will develop cancer more prevalent.
My name was called and we were led down a hallway to one of the short term rooms where there were three recliner chairs. Don't think we are looking at la-zy boys..but more like typical hospital version recliners...but comfortable. My chair was all ready for me with a heated blanket already on it. Nurse V went over what was going to happen and what the injections consisted of. She would administer the first two and the third would happen by drip. She also explained that she would be watching for any signs of allergic reaction and I was to tell her if I felt anything off.
Nurse V then looked at my veins and sighed. Yes my veins are disappointing as they shrivel from fear and do not often make an appearance, she was not to take it personally as they are not always cooperative. She got a hot towel and "hot" water to soak my hand in to try to make my veins less shy. Well the towel was more luke warm than hot and I think my saliva was warmer than the "hot" water. But being a good patient, I did as I was told and she was able to get me on the first poke. Mind you she did hang my arm down and she sat on the floor to do the injection...but she got it. She did recommend a port being put in and I agreed to this.
She injected the first medication (Fluorouracil) which is red in colour. So red going in means red coming out. Shortly after she began, I started feeling a little flemmy <nothing out of the ordinary for me> so I got out my bottle of water and began drinking it. Nurse V looked a little concern and asked how I was feeling...I'm good. I felt like my nose was getting stuffy so I drank more water, only this time I swallowed it wrong and began a coughing fit. B was quite calm as this is a normal occurrence for me but Nurse V was looking very concerned and said "I have never seen this reaction before". Then B explained ..nah this is normal for her...and I nodded in agreement as I was still to busy coughing. The injection continued and before I knew it Nurse V was onto the second injection.(Epirubicin)
Nurse K came in a checked everything as well before the injection began and it was explained that everything is double checked from the nurses end and it was also checked against my chart as well. Good to know that they are very careful before injecting poision into me. Nurse V then checked everything as well, and by this point my coughing was under control. I did feel a bit of a flutter up in the top of my arm which is normal, but again this went smoothly with no issues and so far I didn't feel any different. So onto injection three. (Cyclophosphamide)
This was done by drip, and again the checking of medication <and me> happened. There was one other gentlemen in the room and when I was almost finished the drip, so was he....it was a race to the end. I know competitive, even in chemo. It turned out we were done at the same time and the machines started beeping like we were lottery winners. Nurse V called for Nurse K and we were unhooked and free to go. I was originally told to expect between 2.5 hrs -3hrs given it was my first go, but we were done in just over 2 hrs.
I did have to pee before I left to ensure the drugs were working..in other words they wanted to ensure I was peeing red. I walked into the washroom and there was a hose next to the toilet....I was thinking "do they have to spray this place down often enough to need a hose?". But then I thought it was better not to think about this fact. I did my business and when I got up..no red...but it was the colour of beep juice. I guess that is close enough. It was not as "pretty" as the turquoise pee from before though.
That night I did eat a bland diet and took the one pill that was prescribed. I felt a little tired but other than that I was all good. I went to bed a little early and had no problems sleeping. So first round of chemo down...only 5 more to go.
My husband, knowing the hospital a little too well, took us up the back elevators. We arrived outside of the surgery room and I thought...ahhh...been there, done that. But then noticed a small 'this way" sign to chemotherapy. After wandering through a series of hallways, past a great city view <for those who are not scared of heights> we arrived at the registration desk and then hung out in the waiting room.
Today it was filled with people with hair- no baldies today...hmmm..we must all be new or they are on a different chemo path. The room was filled with a mixture of men and women and the long term room was full, making the fact that I live in a province where 47% of people will develop cancer more prevalent.
My name was called and we were led down a hallway to one of the short term rooms where there were three recliner chairs. Don't think we are looking at la-zy boys..but more like typical hospital version recliners...but comfortable. My chair was all ready for me with a heated blanket already on it. Nurse V went over what was going to happen and what the injections consisted of. She would administer the first two and the third would happen by drip. She also explained that she would be watching for any signs of allergic reaction and I was to tell her if I felt anything off.
Nurse V then looked at my veins and sighed. Yes my veins are disappointing as they shrivel from fear and do not often make an appearance, she was not to take it personally as they are not always cooperative. She got a hot towel and "hot" water to soak my hand in to try to make my veins less shy. Well the towel was more luke warm than hot and I think my saliva was warmer than the "hot" water. But being a good patient, I did as I was told and she was able to get me on the first poke. Mind you she did hang my arm down and she sat on the floor to do the injection...but she got it. She did recommend a port being put in and I agreed to this.
She injected the first medication (Fluorouracil) which is red in colour. So red going in means red coming out. Shortly after she began, I started feeling a little flemmy <nothing out of the ordinary for me> so I got out my bottle of water and began drinking it. Nurse V looked a little concern and asked how I was feeling...I'm good. I felt like my nose was getting stuffy so I drank more water, only this time I swallowed it wrong and began a coughing fit. B was quite calm as this is a normal occurrence for me but Nurse V was looking very concerned and said "I have never seen this reaction before". Then B explained ..nah this is normal for her...and I nodded in agreement as I was still to busy coughing. The injection continued and before I knew it Nurse V was onto the second injection.(Epirubicin)
Nurse K came in a checked everything as well before the injection began and it was explained that everything is double checked from the nurses end and it was also checked against my chart as well. Good to know that they are very careful before injecting poision into me. Nurse V then checked everything as well, and by this point my coughing was under control. I did feel a bit of a flutter up in the top of my arm which is normal, but again this went smoothly with no issues and so far I didn't feel any different. So onto injection three. (Cyclophosphamide)
This was done by drip, and again the checking of medication <and me> happened. There was one other gentlemen in the room and when I was almost finished the drip, so was he....it was a race to the end. I know competitive, even in chemo. It turned out we were done at the same time and the machines started beeping like we were lottery winners. Nurse V called for Nurse K and we were unhooked and free to go. I was originally told to expect between 2.5 hrs -3hrs given it was my first go, but we were done in just over 2 hrs.
I did have to pee before I left to ensure the drugs were working..in other words they wanted to ensure I was peeing red. I walked into the washroom and there was a hose next to the toilet....I was thinking "do they have to spray this place down often enough to need a hose?". But then I thought it was better not to think about this fact. I did my business and when I got up..no red...but it was the colour of beep juice. I guess that is close enough. It was not as "pretty" as the turquoise pee from before though.
That night I did eat a bland diet and took the one pill that was prescribed. I felt a little tired but other than that I was all good. I went to bed a little early and had no problems sleeping. So first round of chemo down...only 5 more to go.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
The Big O
For those of you who have just googled orgasm or Oprah. This is the wrong blog. My big O is for the oncologist. Ok this still sounds dirty but soooo not! This is the first time I have had to enter the actual Cancer Centre of the hospital. I have skirted all around the hallways but never graced the entry way..until now. Again the usual setup, take a number ..wait for your number..but wait…there was an unfamiliar scent in the air. I turned to see two students begin to pick through a variety of cabinets and begin to make freshly brewed tea and coffee. My first thought was this must be for people having chemo. Then as they filled their trolley with tea, coffee, juice and cookies I thought something doesn’t seem right. Then they began offering it to people waiting in the waiting area. The CANCER waiting area…wait are we in the WestJet lounge, am I being punked? Seriously, you have to have cancer to get a free cup of coffee…..ding..oops that’s my number.
I register with all of the basics, name of family doctor, where is your nearest drugstore, referring physician, name, did you get your cancer package in the mail? Yes and it wasn’t like the day the wish book arrives. Then I go back to the “lounge” area to see what happens next. I could use a bowl of soup…. Not so lucky, my name is called and we are taken down a hallway where we are introduced to Nurse H. Right away I wonder about our relationship status as she asks me to step on the scale…ahh Nurse H we are in a hallway and have just met…at least the students offered me cookies! Hmmm can I blame my weight on the digestives I didn’t take? Sigh..step on the scale.
B and I are then escorted to a room which actually looks freshly painted <which we find out later was because two days prior the pipe in the ceiling leaked>. Nurse H asked a couple of general questions and wanted to know what I had found out..in other words “what did you find on the internet that I am now going to have to discredit”. Honest injun’ I have been good and haven’t looked up much. I learned that lesson early on!
She explained the process…we would be visited by three ghosts…nah wrong story….she explained that Dr R our oncologist was great. Everybody loved him <no pressure> and that he would always be late! Well Nurse H you are honest so we will get along well.
Out steps Nurse H …15 mins later in steps Intern N..Intern N, I quickly discover, has lost his sense of humor prior to med school. Frankly B and I were like a comedy act full of shifty eye movements and subtle glances and offhanded remarks. But Intern N was very matter of fact and asked a variety of medical history..some of which even we had forgotten about…oh yeah the goiter <not really, but a fluid cyst near my thyroid 2 years prior>. He did a quick exam of the incision as well as the “good” breast said he would go find Dr R and be back.
Well Dr R must have been on his way back from China because it took him 45 mins to find him. In walks a Dr who is around 50 and looks like he is trying to impersonate someone from Grays Anatomy...and has the hair to match. He speaks softly and a bit slowly and B can see my annoyance…GET ON WITH IT MAN…all I want to know is how long…..as he thoroughly explains what I have, the pathology report and then begins a diagram. I don’t think many people have a sense of humor about their cancer…go figure…as he wasn’t sure what to make of mine and B’s comedy duo but at least he began to laugh…finally… we’ll have to remember those jokes. The diagram is broken into two parts followed by what looked like hugs.
F-E-C D-D-D XXXxx
-----------HER2--------???
FEC were the names of the first drugs I would receive for the first three rounds and D was the second round of drugs I would get for a total of 6 treatments. Once every three weeks. The X’s represented the rounds of radiation I would be looking at which would be decided by yet another doctor. It would be somewhere between 3-5 weeks every day. One of my tests had not come back yet on whether or not I would receive the HER2 injection, if so I would receive this injection for the next year, but that did not affect my current treatment. Any questions?
I looked sheepishly at the paper and then at Dr R and asked....”and when will I lose my hair”. He pointed to the first round of chemo…”14 days after your first chemo”…then I asked...”and when will it grow back”…..he pointed to after the x’s. Sigh
Comedy duo signoff.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Day by day-Friday to Monday
I am making daily strides and set small goals for myself. Whether it is to move my arm up another inch, put on a T-shirt or make the bed, each brings me a feeling of accomplishment. I do sit there and look at the dust bunnies piling up, the sad look on the dogs face <wondering why I am not taking him for a walk> and the sun outside; but I do realize <while not enjoying having them> my limitations.
By this time B has gone back to work and I am <semi> able to wash my own hair and get out of bed by myself. These things are HUGE. I have read a lot and the gifts that have arrived rival my birthday this year. All I have to say is thank god for fruit!
My appetite is limited but I know it is important to eat, you just become more conscious of what goes in your mouth when you do not feel like eating. I sleep quite a bit and enjoy visits from friends and family to keep me entertained. Dance puppets...dance!
I have stopped peeing teal which is disappointing as it was such a pretty colour compared to the norm, and I am now down to only taking Tylenol 3s before I go to sleep. I am still sleeping on my back with my arm propped up on a special pillow but for the most part I sleep through the night.
I have to admit, the most exciting day was the day B had some errands to do and I decided to venture out in the car. While I might have only sat in the car, I now know what a dog feels like. If I could have physically stuck my head out the window and let the breeze blow through my hair, I would have. <future goal> We were only out for a short time, but being confined to home ground was getting tiresome and I didn't want the drive to end. B took the long way to the last errand as he could sense my "drive faster and further". I sighed when we got home but was excited for another venture if it was only down the street...sad but when they say it is about the little things....I now believe.
Biggest accomplishment: Venturing in public
Most thankful for: Turkey dinner
By this time B has gone back to work and I am <semi> able to wash my own hair and get out of bed by myself. These things are HUGE. I have read a lot and the gifts that have arrived rival my birthday this year. All I have to say is thank god for fruit!
My appetite is limited but I know it is important to eat, you just become more conscious of what goes in your mouth when you do not feel like eating. I sleep quite a bit and enjoy visits from friends and family to keep me entertained. Dance puppets...dance!
I have stopped peeing teal which is disappointing as it was such a pretty colour compared to the norm, and I am now down to only taking Tylenol 3s before I go to sleep. I am still sleeping on my back with my arm propped up on a special pillow but for the most part I sleep through the night.
I have to admit, the most exciting day was the day B had some errands to do and I decided to venture out in the car. While I might have only sat in the car, I now know what a dog feels like. If I could have physically stuck my head out the window and let the breeze blow through my hair, I would have. <future goal> We were only out for a short time, but being confined to home ground was getting tiresome and I didn't want the drive to end. B took the long way to the last errand as he could sense my "drive faster and further". I sighed when we got home but was excited for another venture if it was only down the street...sad but when they say it is about the little things....I now believe.
Biggest accomplishment: Venturing in public
Most thankful for: Turkey dinner
Monday, August 29, 2011
Day by day-Thursday
Day 2
OMG, today I don't feel like someone had a baseball bat....today someone ran over me and then backed up with an 18 wheeler. Ok let's try getting out of bed again...left arm under body, straighten arm...damn it just sunk 4" into the memory foam and now when it is bent I am barely off the pillow....think ...think...hmm the cat slept with me last night and he is not liking the look in my eyes ...I wonder if a cat can haul a lot....he quickly jumps off the bed.
Let's try the roll thing again...but I'll inch my way closer to the side of the bed....Do you know hard it is to inch yourself to the side of the bed when you cant move the top half of the right side of your body. I get almost to the edge and I hear B get out of bed....I lay there like I haven't been doing anything. He heaves me up and I wobble to the bathroom and then the chair...do the drain thing.
BUT today with the drains they are lighter in colour and stringy...I make the gagging motions and look away while B drains them and cleans them. The stringy stuff is actually coming out of the drain....I think the room is spinning.....close your eyes and go to your happy place.....
Today my goal is to dress myself....I get most of the way there with the exception of being able to put my arm all the way into the sweatshirt. Again I spend most of the day sleeping, reading and doing my exercises while having my husband fead me. Tonight we curled up in "my" bed and had movie night...why haven't we always done this...oh yeah...
Biggest accomplishment: Almost dressing myself completely
Most thankful for: Bath in a bag
OMG, today I don't feel like someone had a baseball bat....today someone ran over me and then backed up with an 18 wheeler. Ok let's try getting out of bed again...left arm under body, straighten arm...damn it just sunk 4" into the memory foam and now when it is bent I am barely off the pillow....think ...think...hmm the cat slept with me last night and he is not liking the look in my eyes ...I wonder if a cat can haul a lot....he quickly jumps off the bed.
Let's try the roll thing again...but I'll inch my way closer to the side of the bed....Do you know hard it is to inch yourself to the side of the bed when you cant move the top half of the right side of your body. I get almost to the edge and I hear B get out of bed....I lay there like I haven't been doing anything. He heaves me up and I wobble to the bathroom and then the chair...do the drain thing.
BUT today with the drains they are lighter in colour and stringy...I make the gagging motions and look away while B drains them and cleans them. The stringy stuff is actually coming out of the drain....I think the room is spinning.....close your eyes and go to your happy place.....
Today my goal is to dress myself....I get most of the way there with the exception of being able to put my arm all the way into the sweatshirt. Again I spend most of the day sleeping, reading and doing my exercises while having my husband fead me. Tonight we curled up in "my" bed and had movie night...why haven't we always done this...oh yeah...
Biggest accomplishment: Almost dressing myself completely
Most thankful for: Bath in a bag
Thursday, August 25, 2011
D-Day or should I say -B Day
I surprising slept very well the night before the surgery but I was a bundle of nerves once I woke up. What to wear? I decided on a heavy sweatshirt and easy to pull on shorts as I could be sleeping in this for a while. We showed up on time <kind of>, registered and I go changed into the infamous Johnny Shirt..this time strings on the back. I met with the nurse who took my blood pressure and who asked a series of questions, all of which I responded no to. She looked at me suspiciously ..."So except for the cancer you are healthy". Seems like a contradiction of terms..but yup!
B and I were led upstairs to another waiting room and the floor still had the lights turned off .<Hello, anybody home?> Apparently the hospital is in a cut back rotation....great...all the staff is on board today for my surgery right? We then get the Ok- the doctors are ready- we are off again. At this point B and I have to separate and I continue down the hallway to a stretcher. ahhhh ....mommy.....
I am asked to lie there while they finish getting the operating room ready. I get comfy, get a hot blanket put over me and the next thing I know there is a line up of people beside me. I feel like the Dali Lama and I have just opened my door for visitors.
Visitor #1 is Dr. T. Are you happy? <excuse me> You're not feeling depressed or anything? ahhh I see where you are going. No I am not depressed but let's just say this surgery will not make it on my highlight reel. This is the stage when I ask for drugs...I want a prescription because I am a wimp with pain! I don't deny it...give me drugs!
Visitor 2: The resident...who will give me the drugs.
Visitor 3 & 4: The anesthesiologists....real and student...student seems a little nervous...I hope I am not his first pin cushion
Visitor 5: The nurse liaison who then makes me repeat what visitors 2-4 have talked about and what I am here for
Once I pass the test, I am then brought into the chilly room and introduced to people 6-10...I hope I don't have to repeat names. I lay on the table and then gently pull my johnny shirt around my arm as to not expose my breasts. Seriously people? I know the moment I am out this thing is being whipped down to my knees. Why be modest now?
I lay back..watch the nervous anesthesiologist get an iv in my left hand ..a mask goes over my face and I do not remember the count down......
<time laspe 2 hrs and 20 mins>
Blink Blink....I gradually wake up and look around to see a large room full of about 10 spots. A nurse immediately comes over and asks me from 1-10 how much pain I am in...I say 7...before I know what is going on she is jabbing something into the IV drip and things get fuzzy and distant...my eyes close
This routine goes on for a little while <about 1hr> until I say I am ok to go to the next room where I will be sat up. I then notice I have two drains. I expected this but was still surprised to see them. This means my sentinel nodes are gone as well and I have had an axillary mastectomy. I am not surprised as I knew with the size of my tumors (3.4cm and 4cm) this was a high possibility but I was always hopeful that they wouldn't have to come out.
Side note: The day before I had radioactive material inserted into my nipple so they could literally use a metal detector<technical term geicometer-spelling not so sure of> to find the sentinel nodes,,,,sounds scarier than it actually was.
I stagger my way to the chair and I am wheeled off. Not really sure where I wheeled to as I was still quite drugged but I was delivered to a much smaller room with old fashion lazy boys and moved from the wheel chair over. Nurse 1 comes over to offer me liquid....yes please. Nurse 1 and 2 attempt to have a chat with me but I am happier to just fade in and out. After a while I decide ..ok...time to go home. Nurse 2 goes to get B and Nurse 1 attempts to get me dressed...this is the first time I see the bandage...wait..is the room suppose to spin like that. Cold cloth please.
2nd attempt at getting dressed goes much better and I get into the wheel chair. Now I have B, Nurse 1 & 2 asking me if I am sure I am ready to leave...get me the hell out of here! I am wheeled down to the front doors ever so cautiously by Porter G who is worried about my stomach turnings..and rightly so.
I do hang on and the breeze threw the front door feels like I am on the front of a sailboat,,,was going to say the Titanic..but that went down. Get in the car and we are off.
I lay in bed, needing help to do everything as I can barely move my arm or body, I am nauseous but never throw up. I am definitely not looking my best. VON comes in that night to check on me and then it is lights out. I only have to wake up B once during the night but sleep through most of it. Part 1 down. I wonder what tomorrow brings.
B and I were led upstairs to another waiting room and the floor still had the lights turned off .<Hello, anybody home?> Apparently the hospital is in a cut back rotation....great...all the staff is on board today for my surgery right? We then get the Ok- the doctors are ready- we are off again. At this point B and I have to separate and I continue down the hallway to a stretcher. ahhhh ....mommy.....
I am asked to lie there while they finish getting the operating room ready. I get comfy, get a hot blanket put over me and the next thing I know there is a line up of people beside me. I feel like the Dali Lama and I have just opened my door for visitors.
Visitor #1 is Dr. T. Are you happy? <excuse me> You're not feeling depressed or anything? ahhh I see where you are going. No I am not depressed but let's just say this surgery will not make it on my highlight reel. This is the stage when I ask for drugs...I want a prescription because I am a wimp with pain! I don't deny it...give me drugs!
Visitor 2: The resident...who will give me the drugs.
Visitor 3 & 4: The anesthesiologists....real and student...student seems a little nervous...I hope I am not his first pin cushion
Visitor 5: The nurse liaison who then makes me repeat what visitors 2-4 have talked about and what I am here for
Once I pass the test, I am then brought into the chilly room and introduced to people 6-10...I hope I don't have to repeat names. I lay on the table and then gently pull my johnny shirt around my arm as to not expose my breasts. Seriously people? I know the moment I am out this thing is being whipped down to my knees. Why be modest now?
I lay back..watch the nervous anesthesiologist get an iv in my left hand ..a mask goes over my face and I do not remember the count down......
<time laspe 2 hrs and 20 mins>
Blink Blink....I gradually wake up and look around to see a large room full of about 10 spots. A nurse immediately comes over and asks me from 1-10 how much pain I am in...I say 7...before I know what is going on she is jabbing something into the IV drip and things get fuzzy and distant...my eyes close
This routine goes on for a little while <about 1hr> until I say I am ok to go to the next room where I will be sat up. I then notice I have two drains. I expected this but was still surprised to see them. This means my sentinel nodes are gone as well and I have had an axillary mastectomy. I am not surprised as I knew with the size of my tumors (3.4cm and 4cm) this was a high possibility but I was always hopeful that they wouldn't have to come out.
Side note: The day before I had radioactive material inserted into my nipple so they could literally use a metal detector<technical term geicometer-spelling not so sure of> to find the sentinel nodes,,,,sounds scarier than it actually was.
I stagger my way to the chair and I am wheeled off. Not really sure where I wheeled to as I was still quite drugged but I was delivered to a much smaller room with old fashion lazy boys and moved from the wheel chair over. Nurse 1 comes over to offer me liquid....yes please. Nurse 1 and 2 attempt to have a chat with me but I am happier to just fade in and out. After a while I decide ..ok...time to go home. Nurse 2 goes to get B and Nurse 1 attempts to get me dressed...this is the first time I see the bandage...wait..is the room suppose to spin like that. Cold cloth please.
2nd attempt at getting dressed goes much better and I get into the wheel chair. Now I have B, Nurse 1 & 2 asking me if I am sure I am ready to leave...get me the hell out of here! I am wheeled down to the front doors ever so cautiously by Porter G who is worried about my stomach turnings..and rightly so.
I do hang on and the breeze threw the front door feels like I am on the front of a sailboat,,,was going to say the Titanic..but that went down. Get in the car and we are off.
I lay in bed, needing help to do everything as I can barely move my arm or body, I am nauseous but never throw up. I am definitely not looking my best. VON comes in that night to check on me and then it is lights out. I only have to wake up B once during the night but sleep through most of it. Part 1 down. I wonder what tomorrow brings.
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