Time flies when you are having fun, or just not at the hospital constantly...I guess those are both the same thing. My much anticipated appointment with my radiation oncologist came and went..yup..you heard me.
I had waited for quite awhile for this appointment. Only to have it moved another 2 weeks. The day finally came to see what my future appointments held. I sat looking at the waiting room I looked at all of the people around me who were in various stages of their treatment and one who was filling out the initial paperwork. I thought..this chapter is closing and I am a better person for it. I do appreciate things more, I attempt to have more patience and try to enjoy each day as it comes.
Oh wait the nurse just called my name..off we go.
Nurse M: How are you feeling
Me: Still have the hot flashes..about 4-5 a day
Nurse: Anything else?
Me: Nope
Nurse: How are your bowels
<why does everyone want to discuss my poop..ok let's just get it out there...I fart and they are not always "gentle whispers"..I poop and yes sometimes it smells more than others..I can tell when I have had corn..THERE...it's all out there in cyber land now!>
Me: Normal <evil glare at husband just in case he decides to speak up..aka makes a smart ass remark>
Nurse: Any questions before I get Dr. R?
Me: Reconstruction?
Nurse: I will look and make sure the paperwork has been sent in. Change and Dr. R will be in shortly
And with that she disappeared...enter Dr. R
He does a quick exam feeling under each armpit. He mentioned I have scar tissue under my left arm pit...ahh Dr. R are you drinking? My surgery was on the right? No scar tissue just tight tendons. Still do my arm exercises each day to keep up the mobility.
He checks my lungs by me breathing in and out. Asks how my energy level was and tells me a couple things
1. I should be having 1000 mg of vitamin D daily <ok apparently me outside is not enough>
2. Walking is good so long as I am slightly winded by the end of the walk..ok I guess I need to pick up the pace
3. Eat a diet rich in fruits and vegetables...easy peasey
and that's it.
What do you mean that is it?
No blood work, no cat scans?
What if it comes back?
Basically he said he didn't want to see me until his retirement party.
Dr R just broke up with me and I am not sure how I feel about it.
I am elated that I am no longer considered a cancer patient but I have spent the past year of my life with these people and now they are onto someone who needs their attention more than a "healthy" person.BUT..on the flip side...I now feel a bit lost, sad and confused. Every book, person you talk to and movie always has a follow up after chemo and radiation. I know I was a superstar but......sniff
bye bye cancer centre you were great to me..but I have to go now...and celebrate!
Showing posts with label radiation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label radiation. Show all posts
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
To hell and back
When people talk about having been through cancer they talk about the war they have been through. While I cannot relate to our troops I can relate to a war on my body and I have the battle scars to prove it. It is one week since the end of my radiation and my skin still continues to peel. Some in new spots, some in old spots. Under my armpit it has peeled down to what looks like the dermis layer -very gross- and was all weepy and not pretty smelling after the day.
I am back to having showers and find the water running down the front is soothing. I am also soaking the skin at night aka taking a bath and find that each day that my skin is not as painful as the day before. I can wear a bra for the day but have developed an appeal for the freedom of not wearing one. I think I might have been a nudist in a former life...although I am sure my neighbours appreciate my clothed self...not to mention my family and friends.
I think I am close to the end of the peeling stage and still slap a mixture of flamazine, hydro cortisone and lubriderm on various areas as my chest and armpit as they are all at various stages.
As I look at my hands, I wonder where my pretty nails have gone. Instead I am left with `tiger lines`` and what looks like I have slammed several of my fingers in a car door. It looks like my nails are going to peel off in layers as they grow out but at least it doesn`t look like they are going to fall off...my toes are another story.
I have been watching my toes, as a chemo side effect is loosing nails...as opposed to being THAT bored. I am sad to say that one of my big toes is not going to win. While the other one might not look so pretty it is nothing that some nail polish cannot disguise. I am just hoping the other one will hang on until after my pedicure and trip..else my sandal days may cause some unusual foot staring.
My ``root`` vein is still hanging around like an unwanted friend but it is not as apparent as it use to be and the blown out vein lines are fading each day. They now look the colour of a week old bruise.
In all of this it is sometimes hard to see the silver lining but there are some: my real hair is growing in...even in the bald patches. Mind you some of it looks like pubic hair but I guess beggars can`t be choosers. I now have one eyelash on its way in and if you look reallllly close you can see some eyebrows too. But the biggest news is that the hot flashes have started to decrease...whoot whoot! I have gone from having 15-20 a day -so basically soaked the whole day and feeling like I peed myself- to 6-10 a day and only slightly damp!
I went out last night and had a glass of wine with dinner, only had one hot flash during the concert and came home with energy to spare...watch out world...I`M COMING BACK!
I am back to having showers and find the water running down the front is soothing. I am also soaking the skin at night aka taking a bath and find that each day that my skin is not as painful as the day before. I can wear a bra for the day but have developed an appeal for the freedom of not wearing one. I think I might have been a nudist in a former life...although I am sure my neighbours appreciate my clothed self...not to mention my family and friends.
I think I am close to the end of the peeling stage and still slap a mixture of flamazine, hydro cortisone and lubriderm on various areas as my chest and armpit as they are all at various stages.
As I look at my hands, I wonder where my pretty nails have gone. Instead I am left with `tiger lines`` and what looks like I have slammed several of my fingers in a car door. It looks like my nails are going to peel off in layers as they grow out but at least it doesn`t look like they are going to fall off...my toes are another story.
I have been watching my toes, as a chemo side effect is loosing nails...as opposed to being THAT bored. I am sad to say that one of my big toes is not going to win. While the other one might not look so pretty it is nothing that some nail polish cannot disguise. I am just hoping the other one will hang on until after my pedicure and trip..else my sandal days may cause some unusual foot staring.
My ``root`` vein is still hanging around like an unwanted friend but it is not as apparent as it use to be and the blown out vein lines are fading each day. They now look the colour of a week old bruise.
In all of this it is sometimes hard to see the silver lining but there are some: my real hair is growing in...even in the bald patches. Mind you some of it looks like pubic hair but I guess beggars can`t be choosers. I now have one eyelash on its way in and if you look reallllly close you can see some eyebrows too. But the biggest news is that the hot flashes have started to decrease...whoot whoot! I have gone from having 15-20 a day -so basically soaked the whole day and feeling like I peed myself- to 6-10 a day and only slightly damp!
I went out last night and had a glass of wine with dinner, only had one hot flash during the concert and came home with energy to spare...watch out world...I`M COMING BACK!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Doin` the jig
So...yesterday should have been the final hurrah but due to a broken down machine, I have been extended by one day. I realize it is only one day -which I did try to get out of- but mentally that one extra day was draining. I had set my sights on being done on a particular day and when that day came and went it was hard to swallow. But today is the day and if the machine breaks down today it better be really broken, else I may have a baseball bat in hand to make sure it doesn`t come back up. I am done and mentally checked out from this whole cancer thing.
My skin is also crying ``uncle`` as it is peeling, weeping and not so pretty looking. I have flamazine to put on it has gone past the top layers of skin. You know it looks bad when the doctor shrinks back going ohhh.
My husband and I have decided that after I am finished this last treatment that we will end this ordeal the same way we started. Having dinner at a really nice restaurant. Only this time I will have a drink and no tears. Only big happy smiles and maybe a jig. Cheers!
My skin is also crying ``uncle`` as it is peeling, weeping and not so pretty looking. I have flamazine to put on it has gone past the top layers of skin. You know it looks bad when the doctor shrinks back going ohhh.
My husband and I have decided that after I am finished this last treatment that we will end this ordeal the same way we started. Having dinner at a really nice restaurant. Only this time I will have a drink and no tears. Only big happy smiles and maybe a jig. Cheers!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Hell hath no fury
I may not be a woman scorned but I am definitely now a woman who is scorched!
I have to keep reminding myself why I chose this path..oh yeah... to survive. Up until last week the burn did not bother me much. It was to the point where I wanted to claw it out but some hydro cortisone cream ..and time.. took that away. I am burnt to the colour of embers in a fire now and the worst part is under my armpit. Along my scar and in my armpit a blister formed and broke open ..and formed..and broke open. It is quite nasty looking and the front of my chest is very sensitive.
I am giving a stripper a run for their money, as the moment I walk through the door I am whipping my bra off and flinging it as fast as it will go. The relief felt is unbelievable. I thought about going out the other day without one on. I had on a t-shirt and baggy sweatshirt and I asked my husband...does it look obvious. I got a raised eyebrow look followed by..ahh yeah! So while I am far from Dolly Pardon I guess it would be better to be smaller, as being the one boob wonder will not pass in public. Mind you if Dolly lost one boob she could still use the first one to reconstruct the second one and still have ample amounts. My cup does not runneth over so much.
Right now though, to sleep on my side causes the skin to crinkle and be painful, so sleeping on my back with my arm propped up is the most comfortable. Not so good for my husband as I do admit to snoring ..a little bit...while on my back. While standing I feel like I am in model pose as it is most comfortable to ``air my armpit out``. So having my hand on my hip suddenly makes you sashay around looking all cool....well not really but it is more comfortable.
I keep reminding myself, only three more treatments until the finish line. All I have to say is that there better be a lollipop at the end instead of a hot flash!
I have to keep reminding myself why I chose this path..oh yeah... to survive. Up until last week the burn did not bother me much. It was to the point where I wanted to claw it out but some hydro cortisone cream ..and time.. took that away. I am burnt to the colour of embers in a fire now and the worst part is under my armpit. Along my scar and in my armpit a blister formed and broke open ..and formed..and broke open. It is quite nasty looking and the front of my chest is very sensitive.
I am giving a stripper a run for their money, as the moment I walk through the door I am whipping my bra off and flinging it as fast as it will go. The relief felt is unbelievable. I thought about going out the other day without one on. I had on a t-shirt and baggy sweatshirt and I asked my husband...does it look obvious. I got a raised eyebrow look followed by..ahh yeah! So while I am far from Dolly Pardon I guess it would be better to be smaller, as being the one boob wonder will not pass in public. Mind you if Dolly lost one boob she could still use the first one to reconstruct the second one and still have ample amounts. My cup does not runneth over so much.
Right now though, to sleep on my side causes the skin to crinkle and be painful, so sleeping on my back with my arm propped up is the most comfortable. Not so good for my husband as I do admit to snoring ..a little bit...while on my back. While standing I feel like I am in model pose as it is most comfortable to ``air my armpit out``. So having my hand on my hip suddenly makes you sashay around looking all cool....well not really but it is more comfortable.
I keep reminding myself, only three more treatments until the finish line. All I have to say is that there better be a lollipop at the end instead of a hot flash!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Time Flies
I cannot believe I only have 4 more treatments of radiation left; unfortunately, my skin may say otherwise. I think going everyday <and trying to find the best parking spot> has made the time fly by. I am thankful that I am a short drive to the hospital as I am sure anyone living further out may not feel the same way.
While I have the countdown on, the technicians seem to want to hold on. My doctor checkup days are every Tuesday, but occasionally, if nothing changes, I can fore go the additional wait and skip out. This week I decided to skip the visit as nothing has really changed. Yes my skin is red, yes the hot flashes are still going but nothing "new" that makes me want to wait an additional 30 minutes in a waiting room to wait 20 more minutes in another room to see a doctor for 5 minutes.
Yesterday <Wednesday> the technicians agreed that they should call the doctor in to see my skin as they thought maybe due to its redness that he would stop the pad treatment....got news for them...I knew the answer. It was more burn baby burn. My skin is VERY red and beginning to flake and I have a couple spots on my scar which have deteriorated <Blistered and broke open> but I keep thinking about the daily shrinking treatments.
Our bathroom could rival a drugstore for creams and ointments as I have bought a lot of them..nothing really works. Yes the hydro cortisone takes away the itch but it is my burnt armpit and peeling back that are bothering me. My skin is sensitive and in a sick way I am surprised it is not worse than it is.
So today was treatment 20 and while I am laying there all set up, staring at the ceiling I noticed the machine isn't going..hmm. Then the technician comes in and says "a door is open"? Then she walks back out and still no machine happenings...hmm. Both of the technicians came in to "play around" and then I was told the machine will take about 15 minutes to come back up. So I decided to lie there..what else is a girl to do...and contemplate life...nah...I just stared at the ceiling. So after 40 minutes I was finally out of there...wonder what final day 4 will bring?
While I have the countdown on, the technicians seem to want to hold on. My doctor checkup days are every Tuesday, but occasionally, if nothing changes, I can fore go the additional wait and skip out. This week I decided to skip the visit as nothing has really changed. Yes my skin is red, yes the hot flashes are still going but nothing "new" that makes me want to wait an additional 30 minutes in a waiting room to wait 20 more minutes in another room to see a doctor for 5 minutes.
Yesterday <Wednesday> the technicians agreed that they should call the doctor in to see my skin as they thought maybe due to its redness that he would stop the pad treatment....got news for them...I knew the answer. It was more burn baby burn. My skin is VERY red and beginning to flake and I have a couple spots on my scar which have deteriorated <Blistered and broke open> but I keep thinking about the daily shrinking treatments.
Our bathroom could rival a drugstore for creams and ointments as I have bought a lot of them..nothing really works. Yes the hydro cortisone takes away the itch but it is my burnt armpit and peeling back that are bothering me. My skin is sensitive and in a sick way I am surprised it is not worse than it is.
So today was treatment 20 and while I am laying there all set up, staring at the ceiling I noticed the machine isn't going..hmm. Then the technician comes in and says "a door is open"? Then she walks back out and still no machine happenings...hmm. Both of the technicians came in to "play around" and then I was told the machine will take about 15 minutes to come back up. So I decided to lie there..what else is a girl to do...and contemplate life...nah...I just stared at the ceiling. So after 40 minutes I was finally out of there...wonder what final day 4 will bring?
Monday, March 12, 2012
Itchy and Scratchy
I am 12 treatments in of radiation (half way) and have developed small water blisters on my upper part of my chest. I would love to scratch them to pieces but know this will only complicate things. I feel like a kid who has chicken pox and should tape oven mitts on my hands to prevent the scratching.
The urge sometimes to scratch is high. So instead I look like Napoleon and lay my hand over the area in hopes it will calm down. This is not an act to perform in public though..just sayin'.
I have been using Lubriderm for sensitive skin but I think it is time to move onto something with some medication in it as I still have 13 more treatments to go through. At the rate I am going, I will have weeping skin by the end of this..again did I mention how attractive this process is. Just when you think, this isn't so bad..whammo!
I see the doctor tomorrow..supposedly.. as up until now I haven't had any reason to actually see him so he has not come out to play. They forewarned me that it would be around my third week before anything would happen and boy are they right. One day my skin was slightly tanned with a ting of red and the next it had little bumps on it. Then those bumps became itchy ..I am blaming it on the rubber pad days which brings the radiation to the surface and causes my skin to get more red on those days.
I have to keep reminding myself that I am half way through this cycle and I would rather do this than the last three cycles of chemo any day. So wish me luck as I go through the next two weeks looking like I have scabies with my hand in my shirt and hoping my husband doesn't buy a shirt which reads "I'm NOT with Scratchy".
The urge sometimes to scratch is high. So instead I look like Napoleon and lay my hand over the area in hopes it will calm down. This is not an act to perform in public though..just sayin'.
I have been using Lubriderm for sensitive skin but I think it is time to move onto something with some medication in it as I still have 13 more treatments to go through. At the rate I am going, I will have weeping skin by the end of this..again did I mention how attractive this process is. Just when you think, this isn't so bad..whammo!
I see the doctor tomorrow..supposedly.. as up until now I haven't had any reason to actually see him so he has not come out to play. They forewarned me that it would be around my third week before anything would happen and boy are they right. One day my skin was slightly tanned with a ting of red and the next it had little bumps on it. Then those bumps became itchy ..I am blaming it on the rubber pad days which brings the radiation to the surface and causes my skin to get more red on those days.
I have to keep reminding myself that I am half way through this cycle and I would rather do this than the last three cycles of chemo any day. So wish me luck as I go through the next two weeks looking like I have scabies with my hand in my shirt and hoping my husband doesn't buy a shirt which reads "I'm NOT with Scratchy".
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Call me Flasher
Well radiation has begun and I am a whole 4 days in and already feel like a veteran at the process. The first day was a little intimidating as I didn't know what to expect. I registered at reception and changed into a Johnny shirt <ties to the back> and robe. Attempted to put my clothes in a locker which were all filled and then decided to stuff them in a bag I had brought instead. Sat in the waiting room for what felt like forever and then my name was called.
I followed Technician A into a doorway that had a control room on the left and then rounded around a hallway to reveal the radiation room. I took off my robe and undid the ties of my Johnny shirt and laid on the "bed". It is actually a hard plastic slab with another hard plastic piece on top of it. There is a metal curve pillow to put your head, comfort is obviously their main concern. I took my arm out of the Johnny shirt and rested it above on what looked like two stirrup holders. From there it actually felt like I was getting a pap test with the move up, move down scenario playing out. <sorry to the men who have never had this lovely experience>
Once I was lined up, out came the fancy measuring tools..yup a ruler. The lights were turned off and I realized there was a laser level above and beside me. The table moved up and down until the markings matched. Then they marked where my tattoos were. The second technician talked throughout the process to let me know what was going on. I felt like a flasher as every two seconds as the constantly whipped my shirt open and closed to ensure I hadn't moved. Then they left the room.
A machine that looks like the bottom part of a microscope started to rotate over my head and position itself above my chest with a paddle looking piece moving to my back. The one over my head/chest had a orb hat contained a series of metal bars which started shifting into a programmed pattern which for me consisted of two dashes and something that looked like half a mouse followed by two dashes. Two buzzing nosies went off <which I later learnt were the xrays> then both technicians came back in made sure I was still lined up and left the room again. Again more buzzing noises and the machine moved sideways. In came the technicians and told me I was doing great...ahhh I am just lying here.
On and off with the lights..yup still lined up...trust me I wasn't moving. Hell, I was barely breathing. They told me the radiation therapy would now begin and what felt like about a minute later I was being told to relax my arm and the table was being lowered. I was finished. It took about half an hour from start to finish but it felt like about 10 minutes. I got changed and went home and that was that. One down 24 more to go.
Day 2 was a little different. I had one of the same technicians and one new one <well..new to me>. I was told that every second day I would have this rubber pad placed on me as it brings the radiation closer to the surface. In order to keep the pad in place they used this advance technology...called masking tape to tape me down. I literally looked like I was in Gulliver's travels with long strips of masking tape from one side of me to the other. I joked that these pictures had better not show up on facebook....I am not sure they got the joke..I guess that is more of a day 10 joke.
It didn't feel any different and I was in and out in 20 minutes, but I realized that the wait time to get into this room could be long as they were a half hour behind schedule. The good part <if it can be called that> is that when you register it tells you how far behind each of the rooms are. Kind of like the wait times being posted a Disney..except the group of people is less and the lineup isn't as entertaining. A room filled with people in Johnny shirts..some of which need to be longer (much) and bigger is not something you want to see at anytime of the day.
I kept hearing people say they had one more treatment or were finished today ...sigh...but hey, I am at the point where I only have 21 more to go.
I followed Technician A into a doorway that had a control room on the left and then rounded around a hallway to reveal the radiation room. I took off my robe and undid the ties of my Johnny shirt and laid on the "bed". It is actually a hard plastic slab with another hard plastic piece on top of it. There is a metal curve pillow to put your head, comfort is obviously their main concern. I took my arm out of the Johnny shirt and rested it above on what looked like two stirrup holders. From there it actually felt like I was getting a pap test with the move up, move down scenario playing out. <sorry to the men who have never had this lovely experience>
Once I was lined up, out came the fancy measuring tools..yup a ruler. The lights were turned off and I realized there was a laser level above and beside me. The table moved up and down until the markings matched. Then they marked where my tattoos were. The second technician talked throughout the process to let me know what was going on. I felt like a flasher as every two seconds as the constantly whipped my shirt open and closed to ensure I hadn't moved. Then they left the room.
A machine that looks like the bottom part of a microscope started to rotate over my head and position itself above my chest with a paddle looking piece moving to my back. The one over my head/chest had a orb hat contained a series of metal bars which started shifting into a programmed pattern which for me consisted of two dashes and something that looked like half a mouse followed by two dashes. Two buzzing nosies went off <which I later learnt were the xrays> then both technicians came back in made sure I was still lined up and left the room again. Again more buzzing noises and the machine moved sideways. In came the technicians and told me I was doing great...ahhh I am just lying here.
On and off with the lights..yup still lined up...trust me I wasn't moving. Hell, I was barely breathing. They told me the radiation therapy would now begin and what felt like about a minute later I was being told to relax my arm and the table was being lowered. I was finished. It took about half an hour from start to finish but it felt like about 10 minutes. I got changed and went home and that was that. One down 24 more to go.
Day 2 was a little different. I had one of the same technicians and one new one <well..new to me>. I was told that every second day I would have this rubber pad placed on me as it brings the radiation closer to the surface. In order to keep the pad in place they used this advance technology...called masking tape to tape me down. I literally looked like I was in Gulliver's travels with long strips of masking tape from one side of me to the other. I joked that these pictures had better not show up on facebook....I am not sure they got the joke..I guess that is more of a day 10 joke.
It didn't feel any different and I was in and out in 20 minutes, but I realized that the wait time to get into this room could be long as they were a half hour behind schedule. The good part <if it can be called that> is that when you register it tells you how far behind each of the rooms are. Kind of like the wait times being posted a Disney..except the group of people is less and the lineup isn't as entertaining. A room filled with people in Johnny shirts..some of which need to be longer (much) and bigger is not something you want to see at anytime of the day.
I kept hearing people say they had one more treatment or were finished today ...sigh...but hey, I am at the point where I only have 21 more to go.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Tattin' it up
So the first tattoo I ever had was two dots from my core biopsy; which they cut off. My second tattoo is four dots, about the size of a pen tip...sad I KNOW!
How did I get these four dots? Well these are my radiation markers to be used to line me up for the process..wish I could say I got them in a more exciting way..but ..sigh..not so much.
I was quite surprised that I got in to an appointment so soon after my first meeting with the radiation oncologist, but I figured they had a space and I was there to fill it. As per normal, I was slightly late for my appointment, as I spent about 10 minutes roaming around our lovely hospital parking lot with a bunch of other cars before I decided...screw this and found a spot on the street. My tardiness was ok as the doctors/therapists were running behind as well.
I registered at the desk and then waited...what?...it is the first place that I didn't have to take a number first. I sat in a room half filled with people in Johnny shirts and the other half must have been "supporters".
BUT...I did wait 20 minutes before my name was called, and sadly I was the first person to leave the room in that period. I thought, well they are just going to get me changed and then back out I will go...but I was incorrect and was lead to a room down the hallway by one of the therapists. Now I should point out this is a radiation therapist as opposed to one who you lay down on the couch for and tell them all your woes. These therapists lay you on a machine and zap you!
She explained the process which I was about to go through, told me about discounted parking and left the room while I got changed into a johnny shirt..actually 2 -one on with ties in the back and one with ties in the front..guess this department doesn't have robes. As I was finished changing in comes Dr R who is wondering how I am doing and if I have any questions. Nope, let's get this party started.
I am led across the hallway with all of my clothes bundled in my arms and wearing my johnny shirt, knee high socks and dress shoes...maybe I should have thought about this part when getting dressed this morning as this was not the fashion statement I was going for. In the room there are three people <women> all of whom are busy getting the cat scan machine ready for me. They ask me to lay down on the bed...ahh...I am holding a bunch of clothes, my jacket and my purse...oh yeah...just put those over there....I assumed she meant the ledge as opposed to a machine which looked semi important. Then I took off my shoes and laid on the bed.
They asked if I wanted a hot blanket as the room is freezing! Yes please for my legs. This is when Therapist A says..oh I should have told you that you could have left your pants on...NOW YOU TELL ME. I disrobe and take my arms out of the johnny shirt. All three survey the scar and decide how they are going to go about this. The oldest of the three states "When I used to do this we would mark it here" WAIT...what is that word "used to"? I got the impression really quickly that they are not used to seeing breast patients who have had lymph nodes removed as they debated quite some time over how to include that part of the scar. They made a plan of attack and measured me up, made some markings and placed on the wire tape <which had a series of triangle cutouts which looked like arrows>. They eyed up my one breast and "matched" it to the other side. Then outlined the scar...needless to say there was a lot of this tape on me. I looked like a package that said "This way up".
Dr. R came in to survey the outline and ended up ripping half of it off and making the area bigger...ahh...my original breast was not that big..but thanks?! They then attempted to align me...but it was easier when I just said "I'm not aligned...let me just move"..sometimes it is easier to just do it yourself. Then they pressed the magic button and sent me through the cat scan a couple of times. Once they were satisfied with the line up, they came out with transparencies. Two in fact, and drew the outline of the tape and the scar. Is is sad that your scar doesn't fit on one 8.5x11 sheet?
After they were satisfied with their "template" they took off the tape, injected me with a needle filled with ink in four spots and I was done. They left the big room and went into the little room while I got changed..and then came out and took my picture. Apparently I will get an ID tag to let the therapists know that they have the right person. Ok I am sure there are not lots of people out there willing to take my spot but do what you need to do. They told me that my radiation was scheduled to begin in three weeks...ahh ...issue. I still have one more chemo. "You do?" ...did I mention I am not feeling very confident right now? They went out of the room and came back...ok we've rescheduled you until Feb 23rd...that makes more sense.
So the bad news in all of this is that my second tattoo is four little dots and the good news is that I will be finished this phase two weeks earlier than anticipated. That I can handle!
How did I get these four dots? Well these are my radiation markers to be used to line me up for the process..wish I could say I got them in a more exciting way..but ..sigh..not so much.
I was quite surprised that I got in to an appointment so soon after my first meeting with the radiation oncologist, but I figured they had a space and I was there to fill it. As per normal, I was slightly late for my appointment, as I spent about 10 minutes roaming around our lovely hospital parking lot with a bunch of other cars before I decided...screw this and found a spot on the street. My tardiness was ok as the doctors/therapists were running behind as well.
I registered at the desk and then waited...what?...it is the first place that I didn't have to take a number first. I sat in a room half filled with people in Johnny shirts and the other half must have been "supporters".
BUT...I did wait 20 minutes before my name was called, and sadly I was the first person to leave the room in that period. I thought, well they are just going to get me changed and then back out I will go...but I was incorrect and was lead to a room down the hallway by one of the therapists. Now I should point out this is a radiation therapist as opposed to one who you lay down on the couch for and tell them all your woes. These therapists lay you on a machine and zap you!
She explained the process which I was about to go through, told me about discounted parking and left the room while I got changed into a johnny shirt..actually 2 -one on with ties in the back and one with ties in the front..guess this department doesn't have robes. As I was finished changing in comes Dr R who is wondering how I am doing and if I have any questions. Nope, let's get this party started.
I am led across the hallway with all of my clothes bundled in my arms and wearing my johnny shirt, knee high socks and dress shoes...maybe I should have thought about this part when getting dressed this morning as this was not the fashion statement I was going for. In the room there are three people <women> all of whom are busy getting the cat scan machine ready for me. They ask me to lay down on the bed...ahh...I am holding a bunch of clothes, my jacket and my purse...oh yeah...just put those over there....I assumed she meant the ledge as opposed to a machine which looked semi important. Then I took off my shoes and laid on the bed.
They asked if I wanted a hot blanket as the room is freezing! Yes please for my legs. This is when Therapist A says..oh I should have told you that you could have left your pants on...NOW YOU TELL ME. I disrobe and take my arms out of the johnny shirt. All three survey the scar and decide how they are going to go about this. The oldest of the three states "When I used to do this we would mark it here" WAIT...what is that word "used to"? I got the impression really quickly that they are not used to seeing breast patients who have had lymph nodes removed as they debated quite some time over how to include that part of the scar. They made a plan of attack and measured me up, made some markings and placed on the wire tape <which had a series of triangle cutouts which looked like arrows>. They eyed up my one breast and "matched" it to the other side. Then outlined the scar...needless to say there was a lot of this tape on me. I looked like a package that said "This way up".
Dr. R came in to survey the outline and ended up ripping half of it off and making the area bigger...ahh...my original breast was not that big..but thanks?! They then attempted to align me...but it was easier when I just said "I'm not aligned...let me just move"..sometimes it is easier to just do it yourself. Then they pressed the magic button and sent me through the cat scan a couple of times. Once they were satisfied with the line up, they came out with transparencies. Two in fact, and drew the outline of the tape and the scar. Is is sad that your scar doesn't fit on one 8.5x11 sheet?
After they were satisfied with their "template" they took off the tape, injected me with a needle filled with ink in four spots and I was done. They left the big room and went into the little room while I got changed..and then came out and took my picture. Apparently I will get an ID tag to let the therapists know that they have the right person. Ok I am sure there are not lots of people out there willing to take my spot but do what you need to do. They told me that my radiation was scheduled to begin in three weeks...ahh ...issue. I still have one more chemo. "You do?" ...did I mention I am not feeling very confident right now? They went out of the room and came back...ok we've rescheduled you until Feb 23rd...that makes more sense.
So the bad news in all of this is that my second tattoo is four little dots and the good news is that I will be finished this phase two weeks earlier than anticipated. That I can handle!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Beam me up
The next phase in this lovely process for me is radiation. I went to my consultation appointment with hopes of 3 weeks of radiation but in my mind, I knew that it was probably going to be 5 weeks. I was told to arrive at 10:15am but my appointment was at 10:45am and to expect to be in the appointment for an hour.
There were not may questions I had at this point as I have been thinking after surgery and chemo, radiation has to be the "easy part". After all, all I have to do is lay there, I can do that! So we showed up, grabbed a number, checked in and sat and waited...and waited...and waited. At about 10:45am we were called, again the first time meeting Nurse M and she makes me stand on a scale..seriously...these people are not going out for congeniality awards. She then escorts us to a room in some serious need of an update and asks about my current ailments. I am thinking how much time is this appointment?
I run through the latest issues I have has with this chemo, aching muscles <not joints>, loss of taste, diarrhea, peeling skin and swollen right hand, loss of most of my eyelashes and eyebrows....it's been a daily joy ride. Nurse M has a sense of humor <yeah> and we laugh the whole way through..really at this point it has become a daily laughter on what will happen tomorrow....
She says Dr R will be by in about 15 minutes...45 minutes later in walks Dr R. Who then asks if I have any immediate questions..nope...am I on any medication besides the chemo drugs..nope...ok exam time. Put the Johnny shirt on with ties to the back....everyone wants this thing on a different way.
He checks my neck, and I breathe in and out while he checks my lungs...then does and inspection of my scar as well as my left breast. He asks "are you having reconstruction?"...yes..."hmmm..that changes my approach" ...????
Apparently my wanting reconstruction means he will have to zap me with a lower dose over a longer period. I will have 25 rounds on my chest wall and 16 rounds on my lymphnodes above my chest wall. It will be sessions of 10mins over 5 weeks. This is a large commitment but it takes my risk of recurrence from 20% to 5% and I like those odds...95% of it never coming back sounds much better than 80%.
He seemed a little pensive and then said "You seem very relaxed". I am thinking...what is the appropriate response because I think "Hey man, I have found out I had cancer, had a breast taken off and am going through chemotherapy...I am thinking not much more can phase me"..but reply politely <how strange> with it is what it is....then he turns to B and asks him how he is doing..."fine, I see this stuff all the time in my profession".
On a side note, this doctor started several positive support groups and I think he was disappointed that we were not going to be his latest participants. Don't get me wrong, I think support groups are useful but there are times when I get tired of talking about myself <hard to believe> so the last thing I want to do is hear other stories...let me get through this and then maybe....
Dr R left after he said he would see me back in about a month for a run through and final consultation before the radiation began <4-5 weeks after my last chemo>.
Nurse M returned with a consent form for me to sign explaining that I was aware of the side effects..
-Scarring on the lung <permanent>
-Sun burn <temporary>
-Aching of ribs <temporary>
-Fatigue <temporary>
She handed me some reading material and we were off. I spent more time waiting for something to happen than I did in the actual appointment but I think this is how my radiation is going to go as well.
There were not may questions I had at this point as I have been thinking after surgery and chemo, radiation has to be the "easy part". After all, all I have to do is lay there, I can do that! So we showed up, grabbed a number, checked in and sat and waited...and waited...and waited. At about 10:45am we were called, again the first time meeting Nurse M and she makes me stand on a scale..seriously...these people are not going out for congeniality awards. She then escorts us to a room in some serious need of an update and asks about my current ailments. I am thinking how much time is this appointment?
I run through the latest issues I have has with this chemo, aching muscles <not joints>, loss of taste, diarrhea, peeling skin and swollen right hand, loss of most of my eyelashes and eyebrows....it's been a daily joy ride. Nurse M has a sense of humor <yeah> and we laugh the whole way through..really at this point it has become a daily laughter on what will happen tomorrow....
She says Dr R will be by in about 15 minutes...45 minutes later in walks Dr R. Who then asks if I have any immediate questions..nope...am I on any medication besides the chemo drugs..nope...ok exam time. Put the Johnny shirt on with ties to the back....everyone wants this thing on a different way.
He checks my neck, and I breathe in and out while he checks my lungs...then does and inspection of my scar as well as my left breast. He asks "are you having reconstruction?"...yes..."hmmm..that changes my approach" ...????
Apparently my wanting reconstruction means he will have to zap me with a lower dose over a longer period. I will have 25 rounds on my chest wall and 16 rounds on my lymphnodes above my chest wall. It will be sessions of 10mins over 5 weeks. This is a large commitment but it takes my risk of recurrence from 20% to 5% and I like those odds...95% of it never coming back sounds much better than 80%.
He seemed a little pensive and then said "You seem very relaxed". I am thinking...what is the appropriate response because I think "Hey man, I have found out I had cancer, had a breast taken off and am going through chemotherapy...I am thinking not much more can phase me"..but reply politely <how strange> with it is what it is....then he turns to B and asks him how he is doing..."fine, I see this stuff all the time in my profession".
On a side note, this doctor started several positive support groups and I think he was disappointed that we were not going to be his latest participants. Don't get me wrong, I think support groups are useful but there are times when I get tired of talking about myself <hard to believe> so the last thing I want to do is hear other stories...let me get through this and then maybe....
Dr R left after he said he would see me back in about a month for a run through and final consultation before the radiation began <4-5 weeks after my last chemo>.
Nurse M returned with a consent form for me to sign explaining that I was aware of the side effects..
-Scarring on the lung <permanent>
-Sun burn <temporary>
-Aching of ribs <temporary>
-Fatigue <temporary>
She handed me some reading material and we were off. I spent more time waiting for something to happen than I did in the actual appointment but I think this is how my radiation is going to go as well.
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