The Break Up

Time flies when you are having fun, or just not at the hospital constantly...I guess those are both the same thing. My much anticipated appointment with my radiation oncologist came and went..yup..you heard me.

I had waited for quite awhile for this appointment. Only to have it moved another 2 weeks. The day finally came to see what my future appointments held. I sat looking at the waiting room I looked at all of the people around me who were in various stages of their treatment and one who was filling out the initial paperwork. I thought..this chapter is closing and I am a better person for it. I do appreciate things more, I attempt to have more patience and try to enjoy each day as it comes.

Oh wait the nurse just called my name..off we go.

Nurse M: How are you feeling
Me: Still have the hot flashes..about 4-5 a day
Nurse: Anything else?
Me: Nope
Nurse: How are your bowels
<why does everyone want to discuss my poop..ok let's just get it out there...I fart and they are not always "gentle whispers"..I poop and yes sometimes it smells more than others..I can tell when I have had corn..THERE...it's all out there in cyber land now!>
Me: Normal <evil glare at husband just in case he decides to speak up..aka makes a smart ass remark>
Nurse: Any questions before I get Dr. R?
Me: Reconstruction?
Nurse: I will look and make sure the paperwork has been sent in. Change and Dr. R will be in shortly

And with that she disappeared...enter Dr. R

He does a quick exam feeling under each armpit. He mentioned I have scar tissue under my left arm pit...ahh Dr. R are you drinking? My surgery was on the right? No scar tissue just tight tendons. Still do my arm exercises each day to keep up the mobility.

He checks my lungs by me breathing in and out. Asks how my energy level was and tells me a couple things
1. I should be having 1000 mg of vitamin D daily <ok apparently me outside is not enough>
2. Walking is good so long as I am slightly winded by the end of the walk..ok I guess I need to pick up the pace
3. Eat a diet rich in fruits and vegetables...easy peasey
and that's it.

What do you mean that is it?
No blood work, no cat scans?
What if it comes back?
Basically he said he didn't want to see me until his retirement party.

Dr R just broke up with me and I am not sure how I feel about it.

I am elated that I am no longer considered a cancer patient but I have spent the past year of my life with these people and now they are onto someone who needs their attention more than a "healthy" person.BUT..on the flip side...I now feel a bit lost, sad and confused. Every book, person you talk to and movie always has a follow up after chemo and radiation. I know I was a superstar but......sniff

bye bye cancer centre you were great to me..but I have to go now...and celebrate!

Saddle Up

I have been back to work for just over two weeks and I am thankful when Friday roles around. I feel like I am 8, where I want to stay up past 9:30pm but my eyes and body work against me. I am tired at the end of each day and some night it is an effort to change into my pjs. The other night I stayed up until 11pm on a Saturday night and paid for it the next day. I spent the whole day in a fog and realized that I am still in need of my beauty sleep.

I went to see my oncologist today for what I thought would be my next schedule of appointments, only to learn that he is signing off on me. Since the radiation oncologist was the last to see me, he is the lucky winner of my future appointments. I feel kind of sad to leave Dr. R and Nurse H, but realize there are <unfortunately> many more to care for behind me. While my treatment is over my care is not. They both think I am crazy for going back to work so soon and not to push it....ahh did I mention how many steps I climbed in Greece??? Plus, let's face it..I am stubborn and didn't see the need to hang around the house when I could be at work earning money!

I am taking care of myself and attempting to exercise <shhh don't tell my body> and eat well. I cannot believe it has been almost a year since I found a lump. When I was being diagnosed I thought the journey would take forever. Now when I look back it feels like it was a flash...almost..not real...almost. My eyelashes are growing and so is my hair. While neither is growing at any quick rate, I see changes for the good every day.

While waiting to see the doctor today I was getting frustrated with how late he was running. Then I discovered that he was late because a woman who is 36 years old, and has had breast cancer, both breasts removed and the cancer has returned to her lungs and liver, is now receiving more bad news; which she will have to go home and tell her 4 year old daughter. I thought to myself, relax, no need to rush, time is something I am lucky to have on my side. Tomorrow I get to wake up, knowing my body is getting better each day. I am loved beyond words from a large support network and feel blessed for everything I have. Others are not so lucky, but today...luck is on my side. I feel like a girl who has won the lottery...called LIFE!