Time flies when you are having fun, or just not at the hospital constantly...I guess those are both the same thing. My much anticipated appointment with my radiation oncologist came and went..yup..you heard me.
I had waited for quite awhile for this appointment. Only to have it moved another 2 weeks. The day finally came to see what my future appointments held. I sat looking at the waiting room I looked at all of the people around me who were in various stages of their treatment and one who was filling out the initial paperwork. I thought..this chapter is closing and I am a better person for it. I do appreciate things more, I attempt to have more patience and try to enjoy each day as it comes.
Oh wait the nurse just called my name..off we go.
Nurse M: How are you feeling
Me: Still have the hot flashes..about 4-5 a day
Nurse: Anything else?
Me: Nope
Nurse: How are your bowels
<why does everyone want to discuss my poop..ok let's just get it out there...I fart and they are not always "gentle whispers"..I poop and yes sometimes it smells more than others..I can tell when I have had corn..THERE...it's all out there in cyber land now!>
Me: Normal <evil glare at husband just in case he decides to speak up..aka makes a smart ass remark>
Nurse: Any questions before I get Dr. R?
Me: Reconstruction?
Nurse: I will look and make sure the paperwork has been sent in. Change and Dr. R will be in shortly
And with that she disappeared...enter Dr. R
He does a quick exam feeling under each armpit. He mentioned I have scar tissue under my left arm pit...ahh Dr. R are you drinking? My surgery was on the right? No scar tissue just tight tendons. Still do my arm exercises each day to keep up the mobility.
He checks my lungs by me breathing in and out. Asks how my energy level was and tells me a couple things
1. I should be having 1000 mg of vitamin D daily <ok apparently me outside is not enough>
2. Walking is good so long as I am slightly winded by the end of the walk..ok I guess I need to pick up the pace
3. Eat a diet rich in fruits and vegetables...easy peasey
and that's it.
What do you mean that is it?
No blood work, no cat scans?
What if it comes back?
Basically he said he didn't want to see me until his retirement party.
Dr R just broke up with me and I am not sure how I feel about it.
I am elated that I am no longer considered a cancer patient but I have spent the past year of my life with these people and now they are onto someone who needs their attention more than a "healthy" person.BUT..on the flip side...I now feel a bit lost, sad and confused. Every book, person you talk to and movie always has a follow up after chemo and radiation. I know I was a superstar but......sniff
bye bye cancer centre you were great to me..but I have to go now...and celebrate!
Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cancer. Show all posts
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Empty Nest
It is hard to believe that it has been close to a year since my whole ordeal began. In what time it would take to have a baby I found a lump, had surgery, did chemo and radiation, had a vacation and I am now back to work. I guess time does fly even when you are not having fun.
The odd thing is that you need to go back to normal. If I can even remember what normal is. Normal feels like a lifetime ago. Meanwhile, my body has changed in appearance but my attitude has not. Guess that should be put on the wish list for "slightly altered". Going back to a conversation that doesn't involve how I am feeling, looking or when my next appointment is...is...well..odd to say the least.
People still ask how I am doing when they first see me after awhile, but quickly move past. I am not adverse to talking about my cancer experience..obviously..but I am glad there are more <and better> things to talk about and look forward to. Like singing to Glee Karaoke and wondering if the neighbours will call to shut us down, planting and replanting the same poor perennials until I find their "forever home", waking up to a snoring husband, puppy and cat..knowing they are all content even if I can't sleep, laughing like idiots with my family until your belly hurt or someone pees their pants- you know who you are -and still forever trying to find the best molasses ginger cookie.
While I will never forget my experience, and I personally am reminded of my having cancer on a daily basis, I have gone back to days where the C word is is a rarity as opposed to a continuous conversation. I have moved on. My days now consist of daily tasks and chores, summer time fun and lots of laughter. So sorry for you cancer, but you are no longer my child to care for. I am done with you. I am kicking you out the door, and I am looking forward to being an empty nester.
The odd thing is that you need to go back to normal. If I can even remember what normal is. Normal feels like a lifetime ago. Meanwhile, my body has changed in appearance but my attitude has not. Guess that should be put on the wish list for "slightly altered". Going back to a conversation that doesn't involve how I am feeling, looking or when my next appointment is...is...well..odd to say the least.
People still ask how I am doing when they first see me after awhile, but quickly move past. I am not adverse to talking about my cancer experience..obviously..but I am glad there are more <and better> things to talk about and look forward to. Like singing to Glee Karaoke and wondering if the neighbours will call to shut us down, planting and replanting the same poor perennials until I find their "forever home", waking up to a snoring husband, puppy and cat..knowing they are all content even if I can't sleep, laughing like idiots with my family until your belly hurt or someone pees their pants- you know who you are -and still forever trying to find the best molasses ginger cookie.
While I will never forget my experience, and I personally am reminded of my having cancer on a daily basis, I have gone back to days where the C word is is a rarity as opposed to a continuous conversation. I have moved on. My days now consist of daily tasks and chores, summer time fun and lots of laughter. So sorry for you cancer, but you are no longer my child to care for. I am done with you. I am kicking you out the door, and I am looking forward to being an empty nester.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Doin` the jig
So...yesterday should have been the final hurrah but due to a broken down machine, I have been extended by one day. I realize it is only one day -which I did try to get out of- but mentally that one extra day was draining. I had set my sights on being done on a particular day and when that day came and went it was hard to swallow. But today is the day and if the machine breaks down today it better be really broken, else I may have a baseball bat in hand to make sure it doesn`t come back up. I am done and mentally checked out from this whole cancer thing.
My skin is also crying ``uncle`` as it is peeling, weeping and not so pretty looking. I have flamazine to put on it has gone past the top layers of skin. You know it looks bad when the doctor shrinks back going ohhh.
My husband and I have decided that after I am finished this last treatment that we will end this ordeal the same way we started. Having dinner at a really nice restaurant. Only this time I will have a drink and no tears. Only big happy smiles and maybe a jig. Cheers!
My skin is also crying ``uncle`` as it is peeling, weeping and not so pretty looking. I have flamazine to put on it has gone past the top layers of skin. You know it looks bad when the doctor shrinks back going ohhh.
My husband and I have decided that after I am finished this last treatment that we will end this ordeal the same way we started. Having dinner at a really nice restaurant. Only this time I will have a drink and no tears. Only big happy smiles and maybe a jig. Cheers!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Itchy and Scratchy
I am 12 treatments in of radiation (half way) and have developed small water blisters on my upper part of my chest. I would love to scratch them to pieces but know this will only complicate things. I feel like a kid who has chicken pox and should tape oven mitts on my hands to prevent the scratching.
The urge sometimes to scratch is high. So instead I look like Napoleon and lay my hand over the area in hopes it will calm down. This is not an act to perform in public though..just sayin'.
I have been using Lubriderm for sensitive skin but I think it is time to move onto something with some medication in it as I still have 13 more treatments to go through. At the rate I am going, I will have weeping skin by the end of this..again did I mention how attractive this process is. Just when you think, this isn't so bad..whammo!
I see the doctor tomorrow..supposedly.. as up until now I haven't had any reason to actually see him so he has not come out to play. They forewarned me that it would be around my third week before anything would happen and boy are they right. One day my skin was slightly tanned with a ting of red and the next it had little bumps on it. Then those bumps became itchy ..I am blaming it on the rubber pad days which brings the radiation to the surface and causes my skin to get more red on those days.
I have to keep reminding myself that I am half way through this cycle and I would rather do this than the last three cycles of chemo any day. So wish me luck as I go through the next two weeks looking like I have scabies with my hand in my shirt and hoping my husband doesn't buy a shirt which reads "I'm NOT with Scratchy".
The urge sometimes to scratch is high. So instead I look like Napoleon and lay my hand over the area in hopes it will calm down. This is not an act to perform in public though..just sayin'.
I have been using Lubriderm for sensitive skin but I think it is time to move onto something with some medication in it as I still have 13 more treatments to go through. At the rate I am going, I will have weeping skin by the end of this..again did I mention how attractive this process is. Just when you think, this isn't so bad..whammo!
I see the doctor tomorrow..supposedly.. as up until now I haven't had any reason to actually see him so he has not come out to play. They forewarned me that it would be around my third week before anything would happen and boy are they right. One day my skin was slightly tanned with a ting of red and the next it had little bumps on it. Then those bumps became itchy ..I am blaming it on the rubber pad days which brings the radiation to the surface and causes my skin to get more red on those days.
I have to keep reminding myself that I am half way through this cycle and I would rather do this than the last three cycles of chemo any day. So wish me luck as I go through the next two weeks looking like I have scabies with my hand in my shirt and hoping my husband doesn't buy a shirt which reads "I'm NOT with Scratchy".
Thursday, December 1, 2011
2 for 1
I have been a little neglectful in filling you in on the last two rounds of chemo. I have just had #3 of 6 so I am half way through the chemo portion. Can I get a whoot whoot! Luckily these three rounds have been pretty much the same...lots of pee breaks, constant eating to control the awful acid reflux, chemo fog aka large mental blocks, and limiting activity in the first week to 1/2 hour stints.
In the grand scheme of things and compared to others stories...I blew right through these. I have heard other people talk about not being able to handle the downward elevator...which sucks because chemo is on the 11th floor! Others are having dramatic mood swings, I just call that me! Some have talked about extreme fatigue and severe nausea...thankful I have not had either.....NOW....having said that, my first three rounds were the same drug. The next three rounds will be different. Only one injection of Docetaxil. They mix things up a bit but having me take a steroid the day before and after. Currently I am only taking them for three days after...and so far no weight gain from them but I do swell up a bit..wearing rings or should I say getting them off has become challenging at times.
I am still had the coughing fits during the injection of the epirubicin which is apparently the first in the history of this hospital. Oh well..there is my claim to fame...although this round I drank 1.5L of water during the 1/2 hour it took to inject it and it still wasn't enough and needed more water...crazy really. If you told me I had to drink that much water in a short amount of time I would have said you were nuts but as it turns out it was easy and I didn't even notice that it was gone until I coughed...and coughed...and coughed. Where is that Popsicle for injection 2 when you need it.
Mind you, there are a couple guidelines I do recommend as I was a bit of a bad girl and went out after the 3rd round of chemo instead of going home to rest. The nurses were not worried so why should I be...but if you decide to do this, I do advise:
1. Not wearing so many layers...hot flashes came in plenty of waves..this might have something to do with the tank top, shirt, sweater and down jacket I decided to wear in +14 weather
2. Do not walk up hills, this is hard to avoid where I live but by the time we hit the top of the hill, I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest. this went away shortly but did not help with the hot flashes
3. Do not drink caffeine...it will not help with the heat
4. Do not dance for 2 hrs in a venue full of 10k ppl...sit occasionally
5. BUT I wouldn't have done any differently as it was a great way to say bye bye chemo round number 3
In the grand scheme of things and compared to others stories...I blew right through these. I have heard other people talk about not being able to handle the downward elevator...which sucks because chemo is on the 11th floor! Others are having dramatic mood swings, I just call that me! Some have talked about extreme fatigue and severe nausea...thankful I have not had either.....NOW....having said that, my first three rounds were the same drug. The next three rounds will be different. Only one injection of Docetaxil. They mix things up a bit but having me take a steroid the day before and after. Currently I am only taking them for three days after...and so far no weight gain from them but I do swell up a bit..wearing rings or should I say getting them off has become challenging at times.
I am still had the coughing fits during the injection of the epirubicin which is apparently the first in the history of this hospital. Oh well..there is my claim to fame...although this round I drank 1.5L of water during the 1/2 hour it took to inject it and it still wasn't enough and needed more water...crazy really. If you told me I had to drink that much water in a short amount of time I would have said you were nuts but as it turns out it was easy and I didn't even notice that it was gone until I coughed...and coughed...and coughed. Where is that Popsicle for injection 2 when you need it.
Mind you, there are a couple guidelines I do recommend as I was a bit of a bad girl and went out after the 3rd round of chemo instead of going home to rest. The nurses were not worried so why should I be...but if you decide to do this, I do advise:
1. Not wearing so many layers...hot flashes came in plenty of waves..this might have something to do with the tank top, shirt, sweater and down jacket I decided to wear in +14 weather
2. Do not walk up hills, this is hard to avoid where I live but by the time we hit the top of the hill, I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest. this went away shortly but did not help with the hot flashes
3. Do not drink caffeine...it will not help with the heat
4. Do not dance for 2 hrs in a venue full of 10k ppl...sit occasionally
5. BUT I wouldn't have done any differently as it was a great way to say bye bye chemo round number 3
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