To hell and back

When people talk about having been through cancer they talk about the war they have been through. While I cannot relate to our troops I can relate to a war on my body and I have the battle scars to prove it. It is one week since the end of my radiation and my skin still continues to peel. Some in new spots, some in old spots. Under my armpit it has peeled down to what looks like the dermis layer -very gross- and was all weepy and not pretty smelling after the day.

I am back to having showers and find the water running down the front is soothing. I am also soaking the skin at night aka taking a bath and find that each day that my skin is not as painful as the day before. I can wear a bra for the day but have developed an appeal for the freedom of not wearing one. I think I might have been a nudist in a former life...although I am sure my neighbours appreciate my clothed self...not to mention my family and friends.

I think I am close to the end of the peeling stage and still slap a mixture of flamazine, hydro cortisone and lubriderm on various areas as my chest and armpit as they are all at various stages.

As I look at my hands, I wonder where my pretty nails have gone. Instead I am left with `tiger lines`` and what looks like I have slammed several of my fingers in a car door. It looks like my nails are going to peel off in layers as they grow out but at least it doesn`t look like they are going to fall off...my toes are another story.

I have been watching my toes, as a chemo side effect is loosing nails...as opposed to being THAT bored. I am sad to say that one of my big toes is not going to win. While the other one might not look so pretty it is nothing that some nail polish cannot disguise. I am just hoping the other one will hang on until after my pedicure and trip..else my sandal days may cause some unusual foot staring.

My ``root`` vein is still hanging around like an unwanted friend but it is not as apparent as it use to be and the blown out vein lines are fading each day. They now look the colour of a week old bruise.

In all of this it is sometimes hard to see the silver lining but there are some: my real hair is growing in...even in the bald patches. Mind you some of it looks like pubic hair but I guess beggars can`t be choosers. I now have one eyelash on its way in and if you look reallllly close you can see some eyebrows too. But the biggest news is that the hot flashes have started to decrease...whoot whoot! I have gone from having 15-20 a day -so basically soaked the whole day and feeling like I peed myself- to 6-10 a day and only slightly damp!

I went out last night and had a glass of wine with dinner, only had one hot flash during the concert and came home with energy to spare...watch out world...I`M COMING BACK!