I have been "lucky" in the sense that my appointments have been quickly followed by another appointment. Thus, not allowing me much time to think. My appointment with the surgeon was scheduled for the week after my diagnoses. Of course I spent some time researching him and discovered that he specializes in breast cancer...so in my mind a good guy to have.
Unlike other parts of the hospital, where it is hurry up and wait, we arrive to a newly organized section. At least I hope it is newly organized as they were still debating about how to work the numbering system....not giving me a lot of confidence here ladies. Once their debate was over, a new file was created for me, where they continued to put more and more papers into...I don't think my record was this big from birth onward. They know it's just one boob right...how big is your file if it is two.
My husband was not missing this appointment due to the results of the last one. Plus I needed someone to help remember/understand some of the possible information I was about to be given. We were directed into a room that was a fair size. I disrobed and put on the johnny shirt.
Side note: The Johnny shirt is a cruel piece of material. Different departments want you to put it on different ways. This so called shirt doesn't look good either way...one size does not fit all. Plus shirts don't go to mid-calf. If you put it on with the top tie facing forward it wants to choke you. If the tie goes in the back you have to be a contortionist to tie the bottom tie. I think "Johnny" was in an insane asylum...just saying I need to design something better.
Knock knock. <don't you always want to say ...come back in 5 minutes> A woman peeks her head around the corner and sees my husband. A shock look goes over he face <did I get the wrong room> then her gaze falls on me and she enters. She explains how the process will work.
- She is a resident <as in student>
-She will ask a series of questions
-She will do an examination
-She will report her findings to the doctor outside
-The doctor will come in, do an exam himself
-He will have a discussion with us about our next steps
Seems straight forward....
Step 1:Question Period
Dr J: So you know you have Invasive ductal carcinoma
Me: I do now <this is good in the scheme of things as from my neurotic googling I know this is the most common type>. You have to realize my doctor technically never told me I had cancer.
Dr. J <puzzled look>
Dr J: Do you have a family history of BC
Me: Not that I am aware of. My mother was adopted.
Dr: J: Do you smoke
Me: No
Dr J: How much do you drink
Me: Maybe 1 glass a week
Dr J: Have you noticed an increase in tiredness
Me: No
Dr J: Have you lost any weight
Me:sigh ...No
Dr J: Have you had a decrease in appetite
B:<belly laughter> NO!
<evil sideways glance from wife>
Step 2: Examination
I hop up on the table. I get groped on my right side then my left
Dr. J: Wow that tumor is quite large and you can feel the definition of the two
Now I probably should have responded with "why thank you" but thought this may be inappropriate.
A little more touch touch, poke poke and we were done. Then she left the room. <this sounds like some of my past relationships>
Step 3: dun dun dun..the Doctor enters
Again he does the touch touch, poke poke. Only he does a little extra and circles my breast around saying, "I don't think it has attached to the chest wall" <ok this is good> but it has attached to the skin. He then turns to Dr. J ..Do you know how I know it has attached. She has a blank look, I await with curiosity...how Dr. T..how? You can see the puckering when you press it inward.....oh yeah you can.
Dr. T: Ok that's it you can get up....wait...<how come I have all of this touching and no one has yet bought me dinner. >
I get up..contort myself with the shirt and sit back down. Dr. T turns to me and looks me straight in the eye.
"You have to have a mastectomy. The tumor is too large to have a lumpectomy. You will have chemo. It will be Tuesday and I will confirm the time"
GULP ..Today is Thursday. That is only 4 days away. He went on to explain some details but my mind had glazed over...all I heard was you are young <wait did he call me young> and therefore the cancers tend to be aggressive. You probably have noticed it growing rapidly....yes. Any questions? <Questions? No my mind is drawing a blank....might have something to do with the "system overload" sign blinking in front of me"
As he was writing a bunch of stuff on my chart he is questioning Dr J on some items. If I need to take out the sentinel nodes, which nerve can I cut?Pause..answer: incorrect. Questions 2: What nerve do I want to stay away from: Pause..answer: incorrect. <jokingly..but not really> I look him in the eye...You're doing the surgery ..right? Yes..Pause...answer. CORRECT!
They leave the room, I get dressed and try to take in the information but it is too much. Then Nurse L walks in..sees my face and proceeds with caution. Ok so your surgery is at 7:30am Tuesday morning...you have to be here for 6:30am.
WAIT>>>Dr. T just walked out the door how did it get scheduled so quickly? She hands me a folder and a series of books and ask if my family Dr gave me "THE" book.<Intelligent Patient Guide on Breast Cancer> Nope. I am thinking at this point I should switch doctors. Armed with an array of "light" reading she begins to explain each of the items she has given me along with what the drain I will need to take care of looks like. I am once again overwhelmed by the information I have been given and need to digest it. Did I hear the word drain?
She writes down my next appointment which is the next day for training??? Then directs us to the bowels of the hospital for blood work. My knees wobble. It will be less than a month from the time of my very first mammogram to having surgery. I am pretty sure this is the fast track!
I had planned to go back to work after this but after getting into my car I realized..."who am I kidding, I am not even sure I know how to get out of the parking lot at his moment" Breathe In. Breathe Out. You can do this!
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