Docetaxel is my latest drug in the cocktail elixir of round 4. It is the only drip for the next three rounds. I had been prepared for the many side effects of this one but thought I would hold off judgement as I had gone through the first ones without many side effects. Chemo takes place on a Wednesday and then within 24-36 hours after the fact I was to get an injection of Neulasta. It is meant to help increase your immune system but can also cause muscle and joint pain.
So in I go for chemo with my "tree root" vein which they are unable to use. They heat up my hand with a warm blanket and then go searching for another vein source. Nurse K thinks she has one, but doesn't get in...then tries again on the underside of my arm...ok THAT hurts...but does not succeed. She calls over Nurse W <as they only poke you 2x before getting someone else...they are kind like that>. Nurse W searches all over, heats me up again and then goes in...nope...sigh..but the 4th time is a charm and we're off. Sometimes this drug can cause an allergic reaction when then inject it so they sit with you for a bit to ensure everything is all good. And for once I am doing well..no coughing fits, no numbness in fingers and toes all good. I sit quietly observing all around me while my husband is up observing a gentlemen next to us get injected through a port. Sick husband!
After an hour they do the flush and off I go. Well that was nothing! The next morning I wake up a little tired but I am pleased that I am not hitting the 1/2 hour wall like the first three rounds. I am a bit tired but I can push through this one. Then comes the injection, you have the option of having VON come into do this but my husband is a trained professional so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and let him inject me. I have never used any type of illegal drug in my life and now I am being injected with a $2000 legal drug...kind of seems off..maybe I should have tried some cheaper stuff first..but I am a girl with expensive taste. The needle was like a skin scratch and I felt some fluid move but within a minute you would never have known it was done. <Injected into my side stomach...lots of fat layers to hide the pain> Unlike my arm, which now looked like a pin cushion full of bruises and injection sites. Good job hunny!
I did start taking the ibuprofen and got the prescription done up for the Tylenol 3s but wasn't sure I needed them as this chemo seemed to be going well. Then I woke up the next morning and felt like I was getting the flu. Every muscle in my body felt like it was seizing and it felt like my cough was coming back. Although it was hard to tell as the acid reflux came back with a vengeance during the night and felt like it had burned my throat. Maybe I was getting the flu...I took a shower and massaged my muscles and felt good..I then got out of the shower and all things seized again..oh..ooh..did I mention this was Christmas Eve.
I went out and did some errands which turned out to be faster than anticipated, given the day, and came home. I started feeling really tired and decided to lay down..the only problem with this was that everywhere ached, so after an hour of fighting with positions I got up, took a bath and wrapped some presents. I tried to have a drink but it burnt my throat even more and I just gave up. Damn it ...it was Christmas and I was going to suck it up. We went out a friends house but after an hour of trying to move around to get comfortable and drinking water I thought..maybe we should go home...I walked through the door and went to bed with a hot water bottle. Not that this did any good as I flip flopped the whole night trying to find one place that was comfortable, only to discover there were none to be found. Although my husband did roll over to me and said..I'm a little cold...do you think you could have a hot flash right about now...seriously? Do you want the Christmas tree shoved up your ass? Actually I was a little chilled too but did not wish for the hot flashes.
The next day between the pill popping, a couple of baths massaging the pain, the acid reflux continuation and the hot flashes I was thinking MERRY F%^KING CHRISTMAS! I did manage to move around the house as small step walking seem to help..avoid stairs though..they hurt...got dressed..occasionally found myself staring at walls ...I made it to Christmas dinner. I was lucky as I only had to show up...not that I was much fun...two large hot flashes and tunnel vision later, my taste bud seem to have gone out of whack as well...I was only too happy to get home to bed....I think I got about an hours sleep as I had constant hot flashes that lasted almost 3 hours.
At one point I thought I should take my temperature but decided that would not get an accurate reading..then I thought..should I go to emergency as this is cannot be normal...but did I ...no...I laid there soaking through my pajamas, occasionally getting up to walk around but got cold...and went back to bed. The next two days I laid as low as I could. I was ready to have a full mental breakdown but kept thinking..this has to change at some point right? It can't last for three weeks..can it? I was due to go to a family function but decided this was not my best decision and family understands.
Also on day 5-6 my taste buds flared up to 3x their normal size and everything I ate had no flavour and tasted like sawdust...oh did I mention the insane diarrhea..yup...keeps getting better and better. I am one attractive lady!
On day 6 I decided I should get a massage. Someone rubbing me with heat and oil for an hour was a good thing. I was lucky to get in on such short notice and I took it as a good sign. The moment I got on the table and the large heating pad was put on was the first moment of relief I felt in 6 days. I have not gone for a massage since before my surgery as I wasn't sure how to approach the situation, but being in constant pain for 6 days makes you get over any inhibitions or embarrassment you have. I just flat out told L that I was going to take off my wig, I am in chemo, I only have one breast and please help me. L was great and she wasn't phased at all. She got the extra big heating pad, extra pillows to help prop me up so I laid flat and we laughed and giggled for an hour about our crazy dog stories. <She wins those ones>, Afterwards I got up and for the first time in many days I walked without pain. Why had I waited so long? How long will this last? When is the next available appointment?
And the good news is that I have found McDonald's banana-strawberry fruit smoothies are a relief to my mouth. I don't care if they have sugar in them...being able to "eat" something with flavour overrides this. I will try to make another massage appointment with in the next two days as L is booked, need to buy smoothie supplies...oh and did I mention that a hemroid has decided to flare up and the sides of my mouth have cracked...fun times....I think I should buy a pharamcy as I seem to be there often enough!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Who's the boss of you
Ok so I was all cocky thinking these first rounds were no big deal. Then chemo stuck me in the ass and made me realize whose boss in all of this ...and it is not me. After my third round the vein they had been using for the three rounds decided to become irritated. It all of a sudden got hard and felt like a "tree root". I couldn't straighten my arm or carry any weight in it. I could feel the vein from the point of where the injected me all the way to my armpit and it HURT to touch it. I called the cancer centre and they said this is common and to apply heat on a regular basis, take Tylenol <checking temp first> for 48 to 72 hrs. Well this was a bit difficult to do as we were on the road visiting family, but I did get a hold of a hot water bottle and attempt this as often as possible.
And to top it off the Saturday before my last chemo I did not follow my own chemo rules by keeping up with my snacking every two hours and staying away from grocery stores on the busiest day. I got a bit run down and a cold found its way into my system. So here I am visiting family with a constant running nose, a cough that sounded like I had emphysema and should be taken to emergency. Fun times.
Normally a cold for me takes about 3-5 days to get over but 4 weeks later I still have the occasional cough and the running nose took almost 3 weeks to go away. As for the vein, I can still feel it but at least I can only feel it in my lower arm portion as opposed to from my wrist to my armpit. I still put the occasional hot water bottle on it..but it just goes to show that I am not the boss of me! Who knew? Apparently everyone but me..lol.
And to top it off the Saturday before my last chemo I did not follow my own chemo rules by keeping up with my snacking every two hours and staying away from grocery stores on the busiest day. I got a bit run down and a cold found its way into my system. So here I am visiting family with a constant running nose, a cough that sounded like I had emphysema and should be taken to emergency. Fun times.
Normally a cold for me takes about 3-5 days to get over but 4 weeks later I still have the occasional cough and the running nose took almost 3 weeks to go away. As for the vein, I can still feel it but at least I can only feel it in my lower arm portion as opposed to from my wrist to my armpit. I still put the occasional hot water bottle on it..but it just goes to show that I am not the boss of me! Who knew? Apparently everyone but me..lol.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Look Good Feel Good
There is a program at my local hospital <check yours as they seem to be everywhere> called the Look Good, Feel Good Program. This program teaches skin care and makeup for women <or I suppose some men out there> going through cancer. As one of the wonderful <sarcasm alert> things that the chemo drugs do to you is dry out your skin. At times I can put on what feels like 10 lbs of cream and 2 seconds later it looks like I haven't put any on.
I booked this appointment weeks in advance - it books quickly- as I felt that I should wait until I had a couple rounds of chemo under my belt so I looked more "cancerish". I arrived a couple minutes early but found out quickly that I was the last to arrive...anyone who knows me, knows this is normal for me. I was quickly ushered to a seat and the next thing I know a box of items is being unloaded in front of me. It seems like the never ending box of all new and well known products. All products in the box are based upon skin tone and all alcohol free..good for dry skin.
The class lasted for about 2 hours and we started by all taking off our makeup. Any woman knows that this has to be a very secure environment to bare it all in front of 9 other strangers. I wasn't sure what to expect from this class as I didn't know anyone who had gone to it, but I do recommend it. Did they teach me anything I didn't know...not really but the product I scored was unreal.
In the box:
- 2 skin toners
- 1 box of makeup remover wipes
- 1 face cream
- 1 sunscreen
- 1 under eye toner
- 2 hand/body creams
- 1 foundation press powder
- 2 liquid foundations
- 1 eyeliner
- 1 eye shadow compact <4 colours>
- 1 blush
- 1 mascara
- 1 brow pencil
- 1 lip liner
- 3 lipsticks
- 1 lip gloss
- 1 lip conditioner
I felt like Christmas came early and while in the end I may not use all of the products given I did look good and feel great when I left there. After a while the group loosened up and shared stories but this soon lead to the "great wig debate". Apparently, most women prefer scarves to wigs and our group was all about the wigs. I like taking the path less traveled..the scenery is always better.
It was fun to see a variety of wigs and these too are available to borrow for FREE...my favorite word..free. It was also great to see a group of women from a variety of backgrounds, ethnicity's, stages of cancer and ages all come together and laugh about something none of us have any control over. It made me realize how many of us there are out there and how thankful I am to have the hospital I go to in my area. A big shout out here to all of the volunteers who make this process a little easier.
I booked this appointment weeks in advance - it books quickly- as I felt that I should wait until I had a couple rounds of chemo under my belt so I looked more "cancerish". I arrived a couple minutes early but found out quickly that I was the last to arrive...anyone who knows me, knows this is normal for me. I was quickly ushered to a seat and the next thing I know a box of items is being unloaded in front of me. It seems like the never ending box of all new and well known products. All products in the box are based upon skin tone and all alcohol free..good for dry skin.
The class lasted for about 2 hours and we started by all taking off our makeup. Any woman knows that this has to be a very secure environment to bare it all in front of 9 other strangers. I wasn't sure what to expect from this class as I didn't know anyone who had gone to it, but I do recommend it. Did they teach me anything I didn't know...not really but the product I scored was unreal.
In the box:
- 2 skin toners
- 1 box of makeup remover wipes
- 1 face cream
- 1 sunscreen
- 1 under eye toner
- 2 hand/body creams
- 1 foundation press powder
- 2 liquid foundations
- 1 eyeliner
- 1 eye shadow compact <4 colours>
- 1 blush
- 1 mascara
- 1 brow pencil
- 1 lip liner
- 3 lipsticks
- 1 lip gloss
- 1 lip conditioner
I felt like Christmas came early and while in the end I may not use all of the products given I did look good and feel great when I left there. After a while the group loosened up and shared stories but this soon lead to the "great wig debate". Apparently, most women prefer scarves to wigs and our group was all about the wigs. I like taking the path less traveled..the scenery is always better.
It was fun to see a variety of wigs and these too are available to borrow for FREE...my favorite word..free. It was also great to see a group of women from a variety of backgrounds, ethnicity's, stages of cancer and ages all come together and laugh about something none of us have any control over. It made me realize how many of us there are out there and how thankful I am to have the hospital I go to in my area. A big shout out here to all of the volunteers who make this process a little easier.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
2 for 1
I have been a little neglectful in filling you in on the last two rounds of chemo. I have just had #3 of 6 so I am half way through the chemo portion. Can I get a whoot whoot! Luckily these three rounds have been pretty much the same...lots of pee breaks, constant eating to control the awful acid reflux, chemo fog aka large mental blocks, and limiting activity in the first week to 1/2 hour stints.
In the grand scheme of things and compared to others stories...I blew right through these. I have heard other people talk about not being able to handle the downward elevator...which sucks because chemo is on the 11th floor! Others are having dramatic mood swings, I just call that me! Some have talked about extreme fatigue and severe nausea...thankful I have not had either.....NOW....having said that, my first three rounds were the same drug. The next three rounds will be different. Only one injection of Docetaxil. They mix things up a bit but having me take a steroid the day before and after. Currently I am only taking them for three days after...and so far no weight gain from them but I do swell up a bit..wearing rings or should I say getting them off has become challenging at times.
I am still had the coughing fits during the injection of the epirubicin which is apparently the first in the history of this hospital. Oh well..there is my claim to fame...although this round I drank 1.5L of water during the 1/2 hour it took to inject it and it still wasn't enough and needed more water...crazy really. If you told me I had to drink that much water in a short amount of time I would have said you were nuts but as it turns out it was easy and I didn't even notice that it was gone until I coughed...and coughed...and coughed. Where is that Popsicle for injection 2 when you need it.
Mind you, there are a couple guidelines I do recommend as I was a bit of a bad girl and went out after the 3rd round of chemo instead of going home to rest. The nurses were not worried so why should I be...but if you decide to do this, I do advise:
1. Not wearing so many layers...hot flashes came in plenty of waves..this might have something to do with the tank top, shirt, sweater and down jacket I decided to wear in +14 weather
2. Do not walk up hills, this is hard to avoid where I live but by the time we hit the top of the hill, I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest. this went away shortly but did not help with the hot flashes
3. Do not drink caffeine...it will not help with the heat
4. Do not dance for 2 hrs in a venue full of 10k ppl...sit occasionally
5. BUT I wouldn't have done any differently as it was a great way to say bye bye chemo round number 3
In the grand scheme of things and compared to others stories...I blew right through these. I have heard other people talk about not being able to handle the downward elevator...which sucks because chemo is on the 11th floor! Others are having dramatic mood swings, I just call that me! Some have talked about extreme fatigue and severe nausea...thankful I have not had either.....NOW....having said that, my first three rounds were the same drug. The next three rounds will be different. Only one injection of Docetaxil. They mix things up a bit but having me take a steroid the day before and after. Currently I am only taking them for three days after...and so far no weight gain from them but I do swell up a bit..wearing rings or should I say getting them off has become challenging at times.
I am still had the coughing fits during the injection of the epirubicin which is apparently the first in the history of this hospital. Oh well..there is my claim to fame...although this round I drank 1.5L of water during the 1/2 hour it took to inject it and it still wasn't enough and needed more water...crazy really. If you told me I had to drink that much water in a short amount of time I would have said you were nuts but as it turns out it was easy and I didn't even notice that it was gone until I coughed...and coughed...and coughed. Where is that Popsicle for injection 2 when you need it.
Mind you, there are a couple guidelines I do recommend as I was a bit of a bad girl and went out after the 3rd round of chemo instead of going home to rest. The nurses were not worried so why should I be...but if you decide to do this, I do advise:
1. Not wearing so many layers...hot flashes came in plenty of waves..this might have something to do with the tank top, shirt, sweater and down jacket I decided to wear in +14 weather
2. Do not walk up hills, this is hard to avoid where I live but by the time we hit the top of the hill, I thought my heart was going to come out of my chest. this went away shortly but did not help with the hot flashes
3. Do not drink caffeine...it will not help with the heat
4. Do not dance for 2 hrs in a venue full of 10k ppl...sit occasionally
5. BUT I wouldn't have done any differently as it was a great way to say bye bye chemo round number 3
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
EI..EI..Ohh
I am not sure how other people do it but this whole EI thing is crazy!
My office does not have short term disability and since it was highly recommended <and enforced by my oncologist and surgeon> to not work during the chemo and radiation process, I agreed to take the time off. To be honest, my surgeon was willing to sign me off after my surgery. But let's face it, I am not a good stay at home person so the 6 months I was taking off would be more than enough for me.
So I worked up until my first day of chemo which happen to fall on a Wednesday. So on Wednesday morning I filed my EI report and dropped off the necessary paperwork to a local office. I was told with an illness/injury claim the waiting period was 28 days. 28 DAYS! I at least knew my last day for awhile and had time to prepare/save..but if you injure yourself tomorrow and live pay cheque to pay cheque what then?
I was also told that the benefits would only last for 15 weeks..so me taking 6 months didn't exactly add up. My work does have long term disability but I figured that the difference in the time between EI ending and me going back to work wasn't worth the hassle of applying for it. Apparently <only from what I hear> that insurance for LT disability is not easy to get and takes several months of "fighting" to prove you are sick. At this time I think of people with terminal cancer or people with families and think ...Yikes what resources do they have! This could financially ruin people.
My work insurance does have a critical illness clause which I didn't know about until they told me. It is a percentage of your salary that you get as a one time payment. The process does not begin until 90 days after your diagnosis and will not be paid out until after your EI claim ends but it is nice to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am also thankful that I am on B's medical insurance. While my medications are not obscene (about $100-$150 per month) I am glad that I only have to pay the filling fee, as this is an expense which I do not need to pay while I am in the "waiting period" of EI.
So I waited about 3 weeks and received my password to login and file a report online. I did this honestly and told them that while my employer put down that my last day worked was the 18th they paid me for the additional three days in the pay period. After I spent the next 20 minutes filling out the initial report it kicked me out and told me my report was not complete and to call a 1-800 number. When I did I was "helped" by a very rude person with no common sense. < I would have peed in his cornflakes too!>
First he told me that my first problem was that I worked 2 days and I need to have 5 consecutive days where I am sick. So I asked "Are you telling me I need to be sick on a Friday as opposed to a Tuesday?" This made no sense to me...and he replied yes??? First scolding for actually working as I should have played hooky. He also told me that I would need to have my ROE adjusted as my work put down my last day for which I was paid was incorrect. I asked if he could adjust this on his end as it was noted in the boxes below that they had paid me for a full week but had made a slight error in one box. His question was "Why would your employer pay you for a full week when you only worked two days"..which I responded "because they are nice and care about me". Apparently, to him this was in the realm of nonexistent. He wanted me to call and ask my employer if they had indeed paid me for a full week...URGH why would I lie?? I hung up the phone fuming.
I waited 5 minutes and called back. Luckily I got someone who was VERY helpful and just moved my start date back a couple of days and common sense actually did not elude him. He made a couple of quick adjustments to my claim and I had to go back in the following week to complete a one week report but all was good. So all I had to do now was sit and wait another 3 weeks to be paid. This is where our system is messed up. If you are legit sick you get 15 weeks but if you don't feel like working after you have been laid off you can take your full 52 weeks...what am I missing here? Apparently sanity.
My office does not have short term disability and since it was highly recommended <and enforced by my oncologist and surgeon> to not work during the chemo and radiation process, I agreed to take the time off. To be honest, my surgeon was willing to sign me off after my surgery. But let's face it, I am not a good stay at home person so the 6 months I was taking off would be more than enough for me.
So I worked up until my first day of chemo which happen to fall on a Wednesday. So on Wednesday morning I filed my EI report and dropped off the necessary paperwork to a local office. I was told with an illness/injury claim the waiting period was 28 days. 28 DAYS! I at least knew my last day for awhile and had time to prepare/save..but if you injure yourself tomorrow and live pay cheque to pay cheque what then?
I was also told that the benefits would only last for 15 weeks..so me taking 6 months didn't exactly add up. My work does have long term disability but I figured that the difference in the time between EI ending and me going back to work wasn't worth the hassle of applying for it. Apparently <only from what I hear> that insurance for LT disability is not easy to get and takes several months of "fighting" to prove you are sick. At this time I think of people with terminal cancer or people with families and think ...Yikes what resources do they have! This could financially ruin people.
My work insurance does have a critical illness clause which I didn't know about until they told me. It is a percentage of your salary that you get as a one time payment. The process does not begin until 90 days after your diagnosis and will not be paid out until after your EI claim ends but it is nice to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I am also thankful that I am on B's medical insurance. While my medications are not obscene (about $100-$150 per month) I am glad that I only have to pay the filling fee, as this is an expense which I do not need to pay while I am in the "waiting period" of EI.
So I waited about 3 weeks and received my password to login and file a report online. I did this honestly and told them that while my employer put down that my last day worked was the 18th they paid me for the additional three days in the pay period. After I spent the next 20 minutes filling out the initial report it kicked me out and told me my report was not complete and to call a 1-800 number. When I did I was "helped" by a very rude person with no common sense. < I would have peed in his cornflakes too!>
First he told me that my first problem was that I worked 2 days and I need to have 5 consecutive days where I am sick. So I asked "Are you telling me I need to be sick on a Friday as opposed to a Tuesday?" This made no sense to me...and he replied yes??? First scolding for actually working as I should have played hooky. He also told me that I would need to have my ROE adjusted as my work put down my last day for which I was paid was incorrect. I asked if he could adjust this on his end as it was noted in the boxes below that they had paid me for a full week but had made a slight error in one box. His question was "Why would your employer pay you for a full week when you only worked two days"..which I responded "because they are nice and care about me". Apparently, to him this was in the realm of nonexistent. He wanted me to call and ask my employer if they had indeed paid me for a full week...URGH why would I lie?? I hung up the phone fuming.
I waited 5 minutes and called back. Luckily I got someone who was VERY helpful and just moved my start date back a couple of days and common sense actually did not elude him. He made a couple of quick adjustments to my claim and I had to go back in the following week to complete a one week report but all was good. So all I had to do now was sit and wait another 3 weeks to be paid. This is where our system is messed up. If you are legit sick you get 15 weeks but if you don't feel like working after you have been laid off you can take your full 52 weeks...what am I missing here? Apparently sanity.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wigging Out
The loss of my hair has not only been emotionally painful but physically as well. I knew the day was inevitable but still shed many tears over what I would look like bald. Each day after chemo I pulled my fingers through my hair to see if today was the day. I was always overwhelmed with relief when I realized I was "safe" for another day.
I think <no expert here> that the hair loss portion of chemotherapy is more traumatic for women than men. Women make a ritual out of their hair and I am no exception. I love going to my hairdresser, curling up reading magazines by the fire in the winter with the best hot chocolate and a glass of wine in the summer. L and I would laugh and giggle for the whole two hours. When it came time for what both of us assumed would be my last appointment for awhile we were an emotional wreck. We even started with a glass of wine to get our emotions under control. I had decided to cut my hair short in anticipation of my future. My hair had not been long in a long time but I went from shoulder length to a pixie cut. I did love my new do but it was a constant reminder of what was to come.
After my first round of chemo I went to a wig consultant as I had heard it could take 7-10 days to get one in and you lose your hair approx 14 days after chemo so there was no time to waste. I called around and discovered there was a huge difference in what services were provided with the wig as well as the price. I choose a place that was more expensive but it offered a full consultation, the wig, stand, shampoo and conditioner and styling.
Now the real vs synthetic. I opted for synthetic only due to cost. I could not justify $1000-2000 for a real hair wig which I was hoping to have for only 6 months. There are different types of caps and this is where the wigs are separated, get what is most comfortable and you feel will not come off. I went for the "Cadillac" version of the cap. It is full mesh cap with rubber pads and tightens in the back. It fit my head and there was no chance that thing was coming off. Overall choosing a wig is pretty basic. Pick the cap, pick the length and pick the colour. Hence the reason choosing someone who can style it makes all the difference.
The chemo school did forewarn me that when hair loss was about to occur it would feel like a too tight pony tail. What they didn't tell me is that it would feel like 500 too tight pony tails. On day 10 after chemo my head was really sensitive to the point where it hurt to wash it. Laying my head on a pillow was by no means soothing and I was thinking at this point a geisha pillow would come in handy.
I think this is your body's way of coming to terms with hair loss. By day 12, I was thinking we were going to need new plumbing. My hair, even as short as it was, was coming out in droves. Everywhere I looked there was hair on the floor around me. I took the dog for a walk and there were streams of hair coming out from my head. So much so that I checked my head a lot during this time to ensure no bald spots were occurring.
I called D to find out where my wig was and made an appointment for day 14. I have always had fine hair but a ton of it. You have over 100,000 hairs on your head and I was losing about 10 at a time. If I ran my fingers through my hair it looked like I had cut a chunk out. I figured at this rate I would be bald by day 14.
On day 13 I did not run my fingers through my hair as I was in conserve my hair mode. I didn't go anywhere but I did wash it but admittedly did not brush it. I started to, but I was brushing out more hair than I think was on my head. I then decided I was ready for my hair to be gone. I had come to terms with it and knew that <unfortunately> thousands of other woman had been in this same place before me.
Now I might talk the talk, but getting in the car to go to my wig appointment was a whole other ballgame. It was like going to meet my maker and the 50 steps from the car to the front door took many long deep breaths. B had come with me and I had already decided he would be the first to see my head shaved. I couldn't see it happen. D was awesome and when I told her I couldn't watch she understood.
She spun me around and began cutting <she cuts your hair to 1/8" long as the wig and a newly bald head would be too sensitive together>. She even took the effort to move any cut hair away from falling on the cape. When she was done B looked at me and said...you have good shaped head. D massaged my head with a tingly product which felt great and soothing. It was the least painful my head had been in days. It was a relief.
She left the room and B said..it doesn't look bad. I turned my head slightly to the mirror and did a quick peek...was he crazy! Quick, turn my head back. Won't be doing that again for awhile. Bravery is not my forte.
Once the wig was on D spun me back..well that looked pretty good. She parted it, shaped and styled it. Wow this thing actually looks like hair!
That night I took off "Molly" and stared in the mirror. I was more than hair. I had gone through so much in a short period of time and come through it in what I term as easily. This was one more hurdle that I had crossed over. It was <in my mind> the high jump of hurdles. From now on I am on the healing side of this crazy cancer thing. Now quick put a hat on because my head is freezing!
I think <no expert here> that the hair loss portion of chemotherapy is more traumatic for women than men. Women make a ritual out of their hair and I am no exception. I love going to my hairdresser, curling up reading magazines by the fire in the winter with the best hot chocolate and a glass of wine in the summer. L and I would laugh and giggle for the whole two hours. When it came time for what both of us assumed would be my last appointment for awhile we were an emotional wreck. We even started with a glass of wine to get our emotions under control. I had decided to cut my hair short in anticipation of my future. My hair had not been long in a long time but I went from shoulder length to a pixie cut. I did love my new do but it was a constant reminder of what was to come.
After my first round of chemo I went to a wig consultant as I had heard it could take 7-10 days to get one in and you lose your hair approx 14 days after chemo so there was no time to waste. I called around and discovered there was a huge difference in what services were provided with the wig as well as the price. I choose a place that was more expensive but it offered a full consultation, the wig, stand, shampoo and conditioner and styling.
Now the real vs synthetic. I opted for synthetic only due to cost. I could not justify $1000-2000 for a real hair wig which I was hoping to have for only 6 months. There are different types of caps and this is where the wigs are separated, get what is most comfortable and you feel will not come off. I went for the "Cadillac" version of the cap. It is full mesh cap with rubber pads and tightens in the back. It fit my head and there was no chance that thing was coming off. Overall choosing a wig is pretty basic. Pick the cap, pick the length and pick the colour. Hence the reason choosing someone who can style it makes all the difference.
The chemo school did forewarn me that when hair loss was about to occur it would feel like a too tight pony tail. What they didn't tell me is that it would feel like 500 too tight pony tails. On day 10 after chemo my head was really sensitive to the point where it hurt to wash it. Laying my head on a pillow was by no means soothing and I was thinking at this point a geisha pillow would come in handy.
I think this is your body's way of coming to terms with hair loss. By day 12, I was thinking we were going to need new plumbing. My hair, even as short as it was, was coming out in droves. Everywhere I looked there was hair on the floor around me. I took the dog for a walk and there were streams of hair coming out from my head. So much so that I checked my head a lot during this time to ensure no bald spots were occurring.
I called D to find out where my wig was and made an appointment for day 14. I have always had fine hair but a ton of it. You have over 100,000 hairs on your head and I was losing about 10 at a time. If I ran my fingers through my hair it looked like I had cut a chunk out. I figured at this rate I would be bald by day 14.
On day 13 I did not run my fingers through my hair as I was in conserve my hair mode. I didn't go anywhere but I did wash it but admittedly did not brush it. I started to, but I was brushing out more hair than I think was on my head. I then decided I was ready for my hair to be gone. I had come to terms with it and knew that <unfortunately> thousands of other woman had been in this same place before me.
Now I might talk the talk, but getting in the car to go to my wig appointment was a whole other ballgame. It was like going to meet my maker and the 50 steps from the car to the front door took many long deep breaths. B had come with me and I had already decided he would be the first to see my head shaved. I couldn't see it happen. D was awesome and when I told her I couldn't watch she understood.
She spun me around and began cutting <she cuts your hair to 1/8" long as the wig and a newly bald head would be too sensitive together>. She even took the effort to move any cut hair away from falling on the cape. When she was done B looked at me and said...you have good shaped head. D massaged my head with a tingly product which felt great and soothing. It was the least painful my head had been in days. It was a relief.
She left the room and B said..it doesn't look bad. I turned my head slightly to the mirror and did a quick peek...was he crazy! Quick, turn my head back. Won't be doing that again for awhile. Bravery is not my forte.
Once the wig was on D spun me back..well that looked pretty good. She parted it, shaped and styled it. Wow this thing actually looks like hair!
That night I took off "Molly" and stared in the mirror. I was more than hair. I had gone through so much in a short period of time and come through it in what I term as easily. This was one more hurdle that I had crossed over. It was <in my mind> the high jump of hurdles. From now on I am on the healing side of this crazy cancer thing. Now quick put a hat on because my head is freezing!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
The days following
Believe me when I say the "chemo fog" they talk about is true. The week following my first round of chemo, I could not put full sentences together. It was as if all the neurons were misfiring and making any life changing decisions during this period is not recommended. I got half way through making dinner and forgot what I was making...not good when dealing with open flames.
Napping is also recommended. Don't get me wrong I am a girl who has always loved her naps but things are different now. I felt like Wile. E. Coyote when he hits the wall, slides down it and decides...this is a good place to nap. I was good in half hour stints. Then I would hit the wall and have to sit down...I was good to go in about 10 minutes and this is when you realize...I guess something is definitely going on and my body is trying to cope.
To top it off, acid reflux has found its way to my body. I have never had any heartburn or acid reflux in my life...yes this keeps getting better. I have found that I am able to keep this under control with a slight amount of food..literally a couple pieces of carrot or a piece of cheese and it goes away. Although a piece of cheese is not overly appealing at 2am so I have opted for animal crackers during this time. Gotta keep the kid in me going after all. Plus water is your best friend....keep drinking it...the constant bathroom breaks suck but at least it keeps away the dryness in your mouth.
Then there are the drugs. I only have to take them for a couple of days which is good because one of the steroids makes me looked sunburned and alcohol during this time is meant to be eliminated...and this is probably when you want it the most. After the first week was over, my body, mind and spirit started coming back. The fog lifted and my energy level came back and for the next two weeks it was like nothing was going on.
I didn't get any mouth sores, but did find myself in the first week biting the inside of my mouth..but I blame that on the fog. I also didn't get the aching joints or some of the other side effects so all in all one week out of three to be down isn't so bad..right...?
I did check my hair each day to see if it was falling out. On the 12th day after chemo I started noticing strands of hair coming out...but that is another story for another day.
Stay tuned.
Napping is also recommended. Don't get me wrong I am a girl who has always loved her naps but things are different now. I felt like Wile. E. Coyote when he hits the wall, slides down it and decides...this is a good place to nap. I was good in half hour stints. Then I would hit the wall and have to sit down...I was good to go in about 10 minutes and this is when you realize...I guess something is definitely going on and my body is trying to cope.
To top it off, acid reflux has found its way to my body. I have never had any heartburn or acid reflux in my life...yes this keeps getting better. I have found that I am able to keep this under control with a slight amount of food..literally a couple pieces of carrot or a piece of cheese and it goes away. Although a piece of cheese is not overly appealing at 2am so I have opted for animal crackers during this time. Gotta keep the kid in me going after all. Plus water is your best friend....keep drinking it...the constant bathroom breaks suck but at least it keeps away the dryness in your mouth.
Then there are the drugs. I only have to take them for a couple of days which is good because one of the steroids makes me looked sunburned and alcohol during this time is meant to be eliminated...and this is probably when you want it the most. After the first week was over, my body, mind and spirit started coming back. The fog lifted and my energy level came back and for the next two weeks it was like nothing was going on.
I didn't get any mouth sores, but did find myself in the first week biting the inside of my mouth..but I blame that on the fog. I also didn't get the aching joints or some of the other side effects so all in all one week out of three to be down isn't so bad..right...?
I did check my hair each day to see if it was falling out. On the 12th day after chemo I started noticing strands of hair coming out...but that is another story for another day.
Stay tuned.
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