So Close

My surgery date is within sight and I am filled with mixed emotions. Excited to finally put this chapter behind me and nervous about what to expect from the operation. What will the girls look like afterwards and how much pain will I really be in.

I wandered off to my appointment. Well that's a little bit of a lie. It was more like Mario Andretti driving, as my appointment was at 7am and at 7am I was still 5 minutes away from the hospital, not including parking. I called ahead to let them know I was running late and as I run up to the desk to check in I realized I had to sign a piece of paper and then sit down and wait....and wait...and wait...while the receptionists had their coffee break and talked about some personal going ons before waddling their way over to the sign in sheet and then call me.

I handed over my health card for check in and we went through what my morning would look like. Go downstairs to get blood work. See receptionist 1 NOT 2. Then come back up here and wait, then you will see a nurse, anaesthesiologist and get an EKG. Ok was not expecting blood work or an EKG but whatever.

Off I went to the blood collection room to Receptionist 1...who told me to drop my paper and have a seat. So I dropped my paper but apparently I had to go behind a 4' wide wall and sit in those three assigned seats. I came prepared and pulled out my book. I no sooner got through 2 pages and was called in. I explained that she should draw the blood from my left hand not right. Then she tried to find a vein. I explained as she put on the tourniquet that it is easier to draw from my hand, but she was determined to find one in the crook of my arm. She even put on two bands and then gave up and went for my hand...it took me alot not to smirk (I must be growing as a human being). The way she put it in hurt as she had to flick it up to get the blood to flow but I didn't care, just get it done!

Before I knew it I was out of there and back up to wait. Two more pages down and the nurse called me in. We went over my chart and allergies. Are you allergic to latex she asks? No I have issues with the adhesive, paper tape is fine. Ok, she said and made note of it. We went over somethings, like how to care for the dressing and what to bring for the hospital but she couldn't answer a lot of the questions I had and basically would find that out after the surgery. What questions?
1. How many drains will I have
2. Will they be out before I leave the hospital
3. Can you mark that I want my nubbin' gone
4. What prescription will the give me for pain
etc...
The only thing she could inform me is that I will be in pain...A LOT of it. I was prepared for the pain, but didn't need it reiterated.

Out I went to a smaller room and before I pulled out my book I was called in for my EKG. Wrong order but go with the flow. We chatted a bit and then I laid down and she started hooking me up to a variety of wires and even one on my foot. She looks at me and says, you're healthy. Yup!

Get dressed and back out to the waiting room. Pull out my book, finish the chapter and then barely got through the next page and was called by anaesthesiologist, well their resident anyways. Who went through my chart
A: You're allergic to latex?
Me: No, I have sensitivity to the adhesive.
A: What does it do?
Me: Causes blisters over my skin
A: Oh that's bad...
Me: yup!
A: Do you snore?
Me: (pause) Doesn't everyone?
A: Laughs...probably
Me: How would I know, I'm sleeping. (I'm a riot some days)
A: Laughs...good point
A: Do you have sleep apnea
Me: (pause) Let's just go with no
A: Has anyone noticed you stop breathing
Me: Only when they put a pillow over my face....too far?
A: Shakes his head
A: Do you have any caps or crowns.
Me: (I had a line for this but decided to forgo it) No caps and no crowns
A: Open your mouth
Me: What you don't believe me?
A: No I want to see if any of your teeth have spikes to them as the metal depressor can chip teeth
Me: WHAT?
A: I've never seen it happen but I have to forewarn people
A: Do you have problems with drugs
Me: Nope give them to me....drug me up...I'm no hero
A: Ok Ok I will see you on the 26th
Me: Yup Later

I am sure I am the talk of the lunch room after that one....and after 3 hours spent there they tell me I am healthy and ready to go. Really, I could have told you that in about 5 seconds and saved myself the time. Only 1.5 weeks to go:)