I think too much of life is focused on the negative, instead of looking around for the positives. I am no exception to this rule. It is easier to see the bad than the good, but it how you refocus your priorities that matter <personal opinion alert!>.
In my earlier life, I was very selfish as most twenty-somethings are. As I matured, I began to think of people around me and what would make them happy. Sometimes concentrating too hard on this and loosing myself in the midst. My forties were a wake up call. I started them with a diagnosis of cancer and then had to shift my priorities. I had to take time for me first and everything else second and further down the line.
I took each day as it came at me and found that I had a lot more peace within myself when I didn't focus on the negative around me but tried to find the positive. Sometimes it is easy to falter and go back into the woe is me attitude, but I have decided to take some advice from myself and make one positive step forward. Each day I will remind myself that no matter what life throws at me I can be thankful for something which brings me joy, happiness and/or peace. It doesn't have to be a monumental thing, it is about looking for something rather than letting it find you.
Today my joy is: watching my sleeping pup with his head on a pillow and not a care in the world. Looking at him gives me a feeling of joy and endless love.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
There is always a reason
A long time ago I read the book the Celestine Prophecy which is basically about one mans journey to enlightenment. What has stuck with me from the book is that each person we meet has a message for us whether we take the time to find it out is a different story. Have you ever been thinking of someone that you haven't seen in years and then all of a sudden see them several times? Basically that is the jest. Nothing is a coincidence but it is what you make of the moment that determines your path.
What am I getting at?
There are good days and bad days. Lately I have been kind of in the dumps and today I had a conversation with a lady who has had breast cancer. She is one of my clients who makes me laugh with her exuberant nature. She is part of a paddling group and keeps encouraging me to come out after reconstruction. Normally we just have a friendly chat when she comes in but today she stayed longer and we spoke more about her "story". People have told me how strong willed I am and how they admire my attitude during my treatment. Well until you have met M you don't know bravery at all.
She went through her treatment almost 20 years ago. Had to have 3 surgeries to get rid of the cancer. Had cobalt treatment as she refused chemo..which makes chemo seem like a walk in the park. Since her surgeries she has had several more for other reasons, severe allergic reactions and recently a broken arm where she was in a cast from her shoulder to her wrist. During her remarkable story she was more worried with others around her while she did not seem to take pity on herself. She is single and is going through all of this with the help of a couple of close friends and a very positive attitude.
I believe M came and told me her story today to lift my spirits and realize that I am thankful for all of the love and support I have. Everyone has good and bad days and now when I get down I am going to think of M and realize that every cloud has a silver lining and mine is named Marilyn.
What am I getting at?
There are good days and bad days. Lately I have been kind of in the dumps and today I had a conversation with a lady who has had breast cancer. She is one of my clients who makes me laugh with her exuberant nature. She is part of a paddling group and keeps encouraging me to come out after reconstruction. Normally we just have a friendly chat when she comes in but today she stayed longer and we spoke more about her "story". People have told me how strong willed I am and how they admire my attitude during my treatment. Well until you have met M you don't know bravery at all.
She went through her treatment almost 20 years ago. Had to have 3 surgeries to get rid of the cancer. Had cobalt treatment as she refused chemo..which makes chemo seem like a walk in the park. Since her surgeries she has had several more for other reasons, severe allergic reactions and recently a broken arm where she was in a cast from her shoulder to her wrist. During her remarkable story she was more worried with others around her while she did not seem to take pity on herself. She is single and is going through all of this with the help of a couple of close friends and a very positive attitude.
I believe M came and told me her story today to lift my spirits and realize that I am thankful for all of the love and support I have. Everyone has good and bad days and now when I get down I am going to think of M and realize that every cloud has a silver lining and mine is named Marilyn.
Monday, April 22, 2013
C is for cookie
I have been a good girl as of late. Watching what I eat and ensuring I am getting healthy doses of all of the cancer fighting foods to make sure that bitch don't come back. I have been walking more, and I have even gotten a yoga class going at work. Who would have thought?
I take a truckload of vitamins to the point where I feel like I am keeping the economy going. ....but every once in a while an urge creeps in...and bursts through my taste buds and dammit..I WANT A COOKIE!
I have never been one to deprive myself of something (my ass proves that point). So I am of the belief that if I want a cookie, I will have a cookie. One slight problem....we have no cookies in the house. My options are a) make a cookie b) go out and buy a cookie or c) no cookie for me. Let's face it, option "c" was never on the table but it looked sad to only have two options. We are still trying to experience spring here and the thought of going out to get a cookie seemed ridiculous...so option "a" it was.
Since I am making the cookie I thought I would look for a "healthier" version to make as opposed to the normal yummy butter laden, sugar coated option. While I am always a fan of picture cookbooks - I like to know what the end result should look like- I decided to grab for my Looney Spoons book and came across two cookies which sounded pretty good but opted for the chocolate chip one because...ahh hello!- chocolate!
I mixed up the ingredients and had a sample of the batter(some one had to be the taster) and thought..these are pretty good. Rolled them into little balls and squashed them with a fork <I am not sure if this part makes me a bit sadistic but I do like squashing the cookies..reminds me of making mud pies as a child> and put them in the oven. After 10 mins I pulled them out and they didn't look a whole lot different than when I put them in.
I waited until they cooled down. I have burnt the roof of my mouth one too many times to eat them hot, and took one bite, which lead to another and I thought...for a little cookie they are satisfyingly delicious. So here is the recipe.
Cookies For Rookies-The Looney Spoons Collection
1 1/4 cups flour
1 cup oats
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 cup unsalted butter at room temperature
1/3 cup peanut butter
1 egg
1/3 cup mini chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Using a mixer, beat together brown sugar, butter, peanut butter and egg on low speed till well blended. Add dry and chocolate chips and mix well.
Using a cookie scoop, scoop out dough 2 inches apart onto greased or lined cookie sheets. Flatten with a fork to 1/4 inch thickness. Bake about 7 minutes. Watch to make sure cookies don't dry out and over bake.
I am already looking forward to the ginger cookie aka Option 2.
I take a truckload of vitamins to the point where I feel like I am keeping the economy going. ....but every once in a while an urge creeps in...and bursts through my taste buds and dammit..I WANT A COOKIE!
I have never been one to deprive myself of something (my ass proves that point). So I am of the belief that if I want a cookie, I will have a cookie. One slight problem....we have no cookies in the house. My options are a) make a cookie b) go out and buy a cookie or c) no cookie for me. Let's face it, option "c" was never on the table but it looked sad to only have two options. We are still trying to experience spring here and the thought of going out to get a cookie seemed ridiculous...so option "a" it was.
Since I am making the cookie I thought I would look for a "healthier" version to make as opposed to the normal yummy butter laden, sugar coated option. While I am always a fan of picture cookbooks - I like to know what the end result should look like- I decided to grab for my Looney Spoons book and came across two cookies which sounded pretty good but opted for the chocolate chip one because...ahh hello!- chocolate!
I mixed up the ingredients and had a sample of the batter(some one had to be the taster) and thought..these are pretty good. Rolled them into little balls and squashed them with a fork <I am not sure if this part makes me a bit sadistic but I do like squashing the cookies..reminds me of making mud pies as a child> and put them in the oven. After 10 mins I pulled them out and they didn't look a whole lot different than when I put them in.
I waited until they cooled down. I have burnt the roof of my mouth one too many times to eat them hot, and took one bite, which lead to another and I thought...for a little cookie they are satisfyingly delicious. So here is the recipe.
Cookies For Rookies-The Looney Spoons Collection
1 1/4 cups flour
1 cup oats
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 cup unsalted butter at room temperature
1/3 cup peanut butter
1 egg
1/3 cup mini chocolate chips
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Using a mixer, beat together brown sugar, butter, peanut butter and egg on low speed till well blended. Add dry and chocolate chips and mix well.
Using a cookie scoop, scoop out dough 2 inches apart onto greased or lined cookie sheets. Flatten with a fork to 1/4 inch thickness. Bake about 7 minutes. Watch to make sure cookies don't dry out and over bake.
I am already looking forward to the ginger cookie aka Option 2.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Happy Anniversay...to me
It is truly amazing what a difference a year makes. This time last year I was just as happy as I am today. The difference is I was heading into my last radiation treatment with my skin falling apart and today I am back together but still have a slight tan in the radiation region. Over the past year I have concentrated on a healthy mind and spirit and this coming year is going to be continuing but adding in the healthy body part.
I have had great support from my family and friends and strangely from people I have never known before. I am not an emotional person but I do have tears in my eyes as I think of all that I have been given in the past year and how truly lucky I am. Yes I have HAD cancer but I have one year down and many more to go.
I feel stronger than ever and have climbed to the top of the mountain. I have stood and paused for a moment to look out over the land and now I cannot wait for the next adventure to begin as I run towards the finish line.
I have had great support from my family and friends and strangely from people I have never known before. I am not an emotional person but I do have
I feel stronger than ever and have climbed to the top of the mountain. I have stood and paused for a moment to look out over the land and now I cannot wait for the next adventure to begin as I run towards the finish line.
Friday, February 22, 2013
High Maintenance Alert
I have never been one of "those girls" who spend hours primping and preening in front of the mirror. Now don't get me wrong, I am far from being no maintenance, but I would like to have thought of myself as low maintenance. Considering I used to get ready faster than my husband proves my point.
That has all gone to pot though. I used to have the basics in makeup. Now I am thinking of a way to organize my many pots of items that up until a year ago I never knew existed. Really..who uses cheek highlighter? I am as fake as the come.
What used to take 5 minutes and under now takes close to 15 minutes..and this is just the makeup portion of the morning. By the time I draw on my eyebrows, make my skin look lifelike and my eyelashes look fuller<at least that is what the package says> and add a bit of lip gloss; I find myself pressed for time...and I still have to do my hair...and get dressed. Yes getting dressed has become a low priority, I am always happy when my socks match and I do not look like a wrinkled laundry heap.
I hate to admit it..but maybe I should have kept up the wig. There was a bit of freedom in taking two seconds to plop it on my head and off I would go. Now I am busy trying to fill in the bald spots on my head. My mother told me the other day that cancer ages you..boy she nailed that one...at the rate I am going, by the time I am 80 it is going to take the whole day just to get ready. Given the fact that I like to go to bed early, by the time I get dressed I may as well just put on my nightgown.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not willing to throw away the hair dye or razors and go completely mad..but maybe someday I will wake up and forget about my hair looking like I stuck my finger in a light socket...leave my prosthetic to rest for the day and go for a walk-- OK that actually made me laugh out loud. I am thankful my husband loves me through my vanity but am happy that he loves me because of it too. For you my dear I will draw my eyebrows in daily!
That has all gone to pot though. I used to have the basics in makeup. Now I am thinking of a way to organize my many pots of items that up until a year ago I never knew existed. Really..who uses cheek highlighter? I am as fake as the come.
What used to take 5 minutes and under now takes close to 15 minutes..and this is just the makeup portion of the morning. By the time I draw on my eyebrows, make my skin look lifelike and my eyelashes look fuller<at least that is what the package says> and add a bit of lip gloss; I find myself pressed for time...and I still have to do my hair...and get dressed. Yes getting dressed has become a low priority, I am always happy when my socks match and I do not look like a wrinkled laundry heap.
I hate to admit it..but maybe I should have kept up the wig. There was a bit of freedom in taking two seconds to plop it on my head and off I would go. Now I am busy trying to fill in the bald spots on my head. My mother told me the other day that cancer ages you..boy she nailed that one...at the rate I am going, by the time I am 80 it is going to take the whole day just to get ready. Given the fact that I like to go to bed early, by the time I get dressed I may as well just put on my nightgown.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not willing to throw away the hair dye or razors and go completely mad..but maybe someday I will wake up and forget about my hair looking like I stuck my finger in a light socket...leave my prosthetic to rest for the day and go for a walk-- OK that actually made me laugh out loud. I am thankful my husband loves me through my vanity but am happy that he loves me because of it too. For you my dear I will draw my eyebrows in daily!
Friday, February 15, 2013
Vanity is hair
I know I have written a lot about hair, but when you go from having lots to none you become slightly obsessed. All my life I have fought with my hair (too thick, too curly) and to this day there has been no exception. I am here to testify <can I get a witness> that no matter what type of hair you have there is a solution out there, you just have to find it.
My hair is slowly growing back in but my eyebrows have stopped their growth. I actually had to get them waxed the other week. Not because they were unruly, quite the opposite. I actually was getting confused as to where I should pencil them in. I had hairs growing in places where I didn't want them. Isn't that always the way? They can't fill in at the ends..no they have to choose a space between my upper eyelid and brow. So a waxing I went. I actually have a brow shape now to help with the drawing...thank you Anastasia makeup!
Now to get personal. My body hair has kind of come back...with the exception of a "personal region". I figure lots of woman pay for what I now have naturally so I am ok with this. Let nature reign.~that might have been too much information, phfft!
The top of my hair has been looking sparse and the back of my head is looking like male pattern baldness. So I started venturing to other blogs and read up on what has and hasn't worked- or more like what I am and am not willing to try. What did I decide upon?
Biotin. It is a vitamin (H to be exact) which does a bunch of things like help follicle growth. The good news...can help your metabolism increase and promote hair growth...bad news...side affect is facial hair...but I will take my chances
Next I have perfected the comb over and hairspray combo. Mind you I think my husband is going to take out shares in hairspray and invest in a gas mask at the same time. Is it really my fault that he walks in just as I am in the hairspray fog?
And lastly, I have found a product on amazon called Toppik. I think it is basically flakes of hair dye that you sprinkle into the parts of your hair to give it a fuller appearance. I have only been using it a couple of days, so I have yet to master the back bald spot but so far I am impressed with the results. It says that it will not run but I still held my breath when a drop of melting snow hit my head and ran down. All I could think of was will my hair run down my face..the answer <thankfully> was no, but I am not sure I am ready to test it in a downpour --yet!
So for all of you out there trying to find ways to help your locks look more lush, straight or curly...join the millions of other women and get your fingers clicking through the web to find a product for you...may the hair gods be forever in your favour!
My hair is slowly growing back in but my eyebrows have stopped their growth. I actually had to get them waxed the other week. Not because they were unruly, quite the opposite. I actually was getting confused as to where I should pencil them in. I had hairs growing in places where I didn't want them. Isn't that always the way? They can't fill in at the ends..no they have to choose a space between my upper eyelid and brow. So a waxing I went. I actually have a brow shape now to help with the drawing...thank you Anastasia makeup!
Now to get personal. My body hair has kind of come back...with the exception of a "personal region". I figure lots of woman pay for what I now have naturally so I am ok with this. Let nature reign.~that might have been too much information, phfft!
The top of my hair has been looking sparse and the back of my head is looking like male pattern baldness. So I started venturing to other blogs and read up on what has and hasn't worked- or more like what I am and am not willing to try. What did I decide upon?
Biotin. It is a vitamin (H to be exact) which does a bunch of things like help follicle growth. The good news...can help your metabolism increase and promote hair growth...bad news...side affect is facial hair...but I will take my chances
Next I have perfected the comb over and hairspray combo. Mind you I think my husband is going to take out shares in hairspray and invest in a gas mask at the same time. Is it really my fault that he walks in just as I am in the hairspray fog?
And lastly, I have found a product on amazon called Toppik. I think it is basically flakes of hair dye that you sprinkle into the parts of your hair to give it a fuller appearance. I have only been using it a couple of days, so I have yet to master the back bald spot but so far I am impressed with the results. It says that it will not run but I still held my breath when a drop of melting snow hit my head and ran down. All I could think of was will my hair run down my face..the answer <thankfully> was no, but I am not sure I am ready to test it in a downpour --yet!
So for all of you out there trying to find ways to help your locks look more lush, straight or curly...join the millions of other women and get your fingers clicking through the web to find a product for you...may the hair gods be forever in your favour!
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Sizing Up
All my life I wished for bigger boobs. When I was younger and a very late bloomer in the breast department, I was teased and called "Rosebud" for my lack of development. I would look at my mom and wonder why her double D's didn't happen for me. While other girls were getting training bras and some even getting real bras I sat longingly wondered when I would have a chance to have my bra strap slapped.
Well let me be the first to say bras are not all they are cracked up to wish for, let alone something to fill them. While I do not have (had) large breasts, I do OK. Actually after having a mastectomy was the first time I thought smaller breasts would be better for two reasons
1. V necks are no longer an option with the prosthetic
2. Less taken off
As I have gotten older (and wider) my breasts have continued to grow. Most women's breasts decrease in size when they have weight loss..but oh no..oddity alert...mine have stayed the same. Which is good and bad. Over the past year I have gone through some changes (ya think?) and you would think those changes are mainly over, but no! The breast Gods have decided to play a cruel joke on me and grant me my wish of increasing my breast size. This would be great...IF I HAD TWO!!!
Unfortunately only having one real and one plastic makes things difficult when the real one decides to grow...since the plastic one stays the same. This makes for a bit of a challenge getting dressed in the morning. Right now I have one which is normal looking and one that looks like it is deflating. It is hard to believe that one nonexistent boob can cause so much of an issue. Who knew that at the young age (hey the cancer dr.s called me young) of 41 that I would be stuffing my bra with what ever I can find to even things out. I thought about getting an inflatable boob but what if it breaks? Is looking like you are lactating worse or better than a boob fart?
I always try to look for the light at the end of the tunnel. After my latest phone call to the plastic surgeon to see where I am on "the list", I discovered that THIS June or July maybe my time..whoot whoot...new boob(ies) here we come....maybe I should consider two brand new ones because my guess is that after the reconstruction they don't upgrade you for free.
Well let me be the first to say bras are not all they are cracked up to wish for, let alone something to fill them. While I do not have (had) large breasts, I do OK. Actually after having a mastectomy was the first time I thought smaller breasts would be better for two reasons
1. V necks are no longer an option with the prosthetic
2. Less taken off
As I have gotten older (and wider) my breasts have continued to grow. Most women's breasts decrease in size when they have weight loss..but oh no..oddity alert...mine have stayed the same. Which is good and bad. Over the past year I have gone through some changes (ya think?) and you would think those changes are mainly over, but no! The breast Gods have decided to play a cruel joke on me and grant me my wish of increasing my breast size. This would be great...IF I HAD TWO!!!
Unfortunately only having one real and one plastic makes things difficult when the real one decides to grow...since the plastic one stays the same. This makes for a bit of a challenge getting dressed in the morning. Right now I have one which is normal looking and one that looks like it is deflating. It is hard to believe that one nonexistent boob can cause so much of an issue. Who knew that at the young age (hey the cancer dr.s called me young) of 41 that I would be stuffing my bra with what ever I can find to even things out. I thought about getting an inflatable boob but what if it breaks? Is looking like you are lactating worse or better than a boob fart?
I always try to look for the light at the end of the tunnel. After my latest phone call to the plastic surgeon to see where I am on "the list", I discovered that THIS June or July maybe my time..whoot whoot...new boob(ies) here we come....maybe I should consider two brand new ones because my guess is that after the reconstruction they don't upgrade you for free.
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