Four Years and Counting

My yearly visits to my surgeon seem more like a social call than an appointment. Everything today flowed as it should. I woke up not tired, traffic was minimal, I got to my appointment early and got called early.

Seeing Dr. T is always an adventure, as he is poking me and checking my lymph nodes we begin our odd conversation which started with cell phone charging and ended with why men should NEVER wear bicycle shorts.

I am happy to report that my four year mark is clean and healthy. (Can I get a whoot whoot) Expecting my yearly visits to end next year he informs me that I still have a couple more years of seeing him. What?

Hey if you need me to pop by to amuse you I can bring soup and do a dance, but nope...medical appointment it is. So the "girls" have a couple more years for display purpose. It's because I had triple negative and he doesn't want that beast rearing it's head on his watch.  If these appointments keep that nasty C word away then I will visit him every year for however long he wants.

But secretly (not so much any more) I don't mind if they all run like today....as the girls stand proud.

Cancer, Cancer Everywhere

It has been a long time since I felt the need to express myself through this blog, but once again I find myself drawn to the creative outlet. Why? So much is going on in the world that my issues seem small and selfish.

I'm not sure if it is my age or just the world we live in, but it feels like every time I look at the news or pick up the phone someone is affected by cancer. The last few months, especially December, hit really close to home, with many people close to myself and my family being diagnosed with aggressive forms of cancer or other medical issues. It has really hit me hard. I have realized I am a survivor...a "lucky one".

In my immediate family alone, three out of five of us have had cancer and survived. We have beaten the odds, and no offense universe but it WILL remain that way. We all had/have the moment of "will we live?" but I believe each of us truly believed we would. I'm not saying that there is never a feeling of wondering if it will return, there always is...but as time passes that question rarely comes to light.

How do you get through each day if you do not know what your future holds?

I have said this before and I mean it...I am surrounded by amazing people. For instance, W has been diagnosed with a metastasized cancer and has taken on aggressive radiation. He can feel parts of his body hurting him like it never did before. This is his second battle with cancer and he remains positive and upbeat. He has a beautiful wife, two great children and three grand babies he cherishes. His future is unknown and he lives each day taking baby steps. Others in his situation may be negative or give up, but not W. He was a teacher in professional career and it shows as he continues to teach us how to live while battling a disease. Many people told me I was brave but when I look at W and his challenges, I feel he is the one who is brave and when he doesn't want to be, he has built a support system around him who will take on the fight for him.  This is the true testament to his generous nature.

Now I turn my focus to another beautiful soul in my life, L. I have know her for 15+ years. She may be my hairdresser but over the years I have been lucky enough to call her a friend. She has lost a husband in a tragic way, had several severe medical issues, separated from another husband bankrupted her and is a general scum of the earth, and now is awaiting a diagnoses from her biopsy. She is self employed, no children but has a mother who has been through cancer twice and survived. Her mother is her rock, but L is an amazing, giving person on her own. She is already a survivor for what she has been through. While she doesn't have any monetary wealth she has taken the time to know her clients, many of whom care for her as I do. No matter what her biopsy result is, L knows she is loved by many.

Unfortunately, my list of those around me could go on as above and maybe I will continue to share their stories in synopsis format but for now I need to take a step back and acknowledge their positive influences on my life. While I do not see them or have contact with either of them on a regular basis I hope they know how much I think of them.

I guess that is what gets you through each day, knowing that tomorrow is a day worth living for. I remember finding myself staring blankly off into space during my treatments and thinking I am more than a disease, I am strong, I am determined and most of all...I am loved.

Closing the Chapter

My final surgery is done! I have two boobs that look like a finished product even only two days after surgery. When I look back on the past three years, parts seem to be a blur, others..crystal clear. While I will always be reminded that I had cancer, and won, it will not be who I am as a person.

I am currently standing at a cross road. One journey behind me and a new one to forge ahead on to. What will it be is anyone's guess. Even mine. I am currently unemployed, happy and healing. I am surrounded by people who love me and whom I love back.

While the outcome of this journey is not as I planned, nor could I have predicted, I am looking forward to all the universe has to offer. In a way it has offered me a free pass now I have to decide what to do with it. Watch out 2015, you are MY year.

Getting things done

I have always been a procrastinator. I discovered I do well under pressure and as a result find myself putting things off to the last minute and then rushing like a mad woman to get things done. I am sure my parents shake their heads and wonder where this trait came from.

My mother can get up and have 20 things done before most people have their coffee. While I can stare at a project thinking "I should get that done" and then think or I could do something else. "Else" wins more often. I look around my house at the many little projects I should do, but have yet to.  It is not about having money or time to do them as most do not cost anything and I appear to have time. I would rack it up as lack of interest in doing them.

Now that we are getting later into fall I have no choice but to finish a couple exterior projects. Some will have to wait until spring but it is time to get a move on. So I challenge myself to complete 10 items before Christmas, I would post the list but I don't want you to fall asleep from the lack of thrill they involve.

Maybe next year, I will have a painting party and rally up everyone for a potluck and bring your paint brush to paint the exterior of my house. This way all the procrastinators and proactive people can unite while crossing an item off my list. Who knows maybe some of the productiveness may rub off on me...but don't get your hopes up.

Under the Knife-Part II

It is hard to believe the summer has gone by so fast, only to realize it is decision time again.  Time to decide about my "one up, one down" issue. I was so tired of hospitals and doctors that I wanted the summer away from it, and with the exception of my yearly mammogram I managed it.

So back to see Dr. L who actually has a resident who DID NOT ASK my complete history, only asked more or less as to why I was there. Yeahhh student (I did thank her for this).  Forget the gown, let's do this.

He looks at me and agrees I am uneven. He talks a couple of ways to do things and finally I just say (because I'm like that) why dont you put an inplant in the left and one in the right and keep them both up instead of trying to make them look more natural and bring them down. I'm not trying to be Dolly Pardon here but who cares if they look fake. I am happy to have two. I'm ok showing them off.

Really if I am going to do this, let's make them perky and envious. So it has been decided...a bit lower on the right and a small inplant of the left and I should be good to go. For the next ten years at least (inplants do have a shelf life-insert boob humour) and by then I will probably need more of an overhaul anyways. Then I will throw in my eyes and take some fat out of my butt and add it elsewhere. Maybe into someone else who needs it....I could be a fat donor!

So I am tentatively booked for December 17th. As I tried for the last surgery date before Christmas. Now let's see if the OR gods agree..

A difference in time

I have been doing a lot of reflecting lately. As I sit here this morning, coffee in hand, mellow music playing I began thinking of all of the changes the past year have held for me. Most people do this on New Years, but who am I to follow the norm. I like to create my own path, and that I have.

About a year ago my world was severed in half as my husband and I separated and I wondered what my life held. I am happy to say that through shear power and determination my life a year later is peaceful, happy and I am stronger than ever.

I realized that while people called me brave for battling cancer, I never felt brave. I had no option, I needed to go through the steps and the outcome was not really in my hands. My life over the past year has made me feel brave. I chose every day to move forward. I chose to make decisions that would affect my financial well being. I chose happiness.

I could have chosen to wallow in sadness and shut out the world. Instead I opened myself up to new ideas, adventure and love. And I have received the same back in buckets.  I have done things on my own that I am not sure I would have tackled before. I am proud of myself.

Support systems offered me a foundation to be able to build up from, but I feel more myself than I ever have. While I would have preferred not to have had to do what I did, I was left facing a fork in a road at many moments and I am happy that I chose strong, positive choices.

A year in review

• Separation
• Bought a house
• Put on a Christmas party
• Chopped Wood
• Shovelled Snow...hired a plowing service...fired a plowing service...shovelled snow
• Went on vacation
• Got comfortable dining out...by myself
• Laughed lots
• Changed jobs
• Tear of sorrow, tears of happiness
• Smiled at the smallest moments and held tight to them
• Started taking more photos
• Gave up caring what others think
• Started speaking out
• Took a leap of faith
• Chose to wake up happy
• Love, lots of love
• Surrounded myself with positive people
• New adventures
• New friends, old friends
• Surgery, healing
• Took back my health
• Said no when I didn't want to, without guilt
• Enjoyed the quiet moments
• Construction
• Asked others for help
• Stood still

I have always been a strong female, thanks to my mother. Today I feel like I could take on anything and succeed. Tomorrow might feel different, but that's the difference in ME. I don't think about tomorrow. I think about today and how to make each moment count. I am responsible for my own happiness, my own success and my own path. I am excited about the adventures which await me. So with heart in hand, my will and determination I face the fork in the road and walk confidently down the path not caring whether it is the "right one" but will face whatever comes head one. 

Thank you for all of my family and friends and fur babies who have helped me over the past year in more ways than you could ever know. You have made me strong enough to walk on my own and for that I am forever grateful. Love to you all.

Playing Catchup

It feels like a long time since I have sat and collected my thoughts long enough to write a post. Probably because it has! So here goes the "Cole's note" update on what has been going on since my last post:

• Tissue expansion completed, only to find out the expander is not a long term option for me as it is already deflating. Another operation will be required to replace the expander with an implant.
• I have been occasional pains in my "good" boob and some in my right one as well. It is just scar tissue and massaging it feels good. Although it seems a little odd to be rubbing my own boobs. Looking for a pool boy to do odd job and I don't have a pool...or any money to pay them.
• Summer fun has been happening despite the rain, wind and lack of sun. Nothing like camping in the rain and celebrating my birthday with no power thanks to a post tropical storm.  We were all set though with a cabin, Coleman stove, fire, alcohol and great company.
• Had my yearly mammogram and all is good. Two years down! whoot whoot.
• My family doctor has left the country (literally) and I am awaiting a replacement. I have lack of faith in the next one already and they haven't even been appointed
• I changed jobs. New people, new environment. It's odd but I am just beginning to settle in and find my role. Moving back to agency life allows for my creativity to flow. Now if I could only get people on board to live in my happy positive bubble my island would not be so lonely.
• I met a great guy who likes to do a lot of the same things I do. We go for drives, cook up yummy things, watch cooking shows, and talk until 3am...I must admit I am a smitten kitten. 

It's hard to believe it is Labour Day weekend already and the summer has flown bye. What does the fall bring? Doctor appointments, possible surgery, birthdays and lots of laughter. I have not posted any pictures on this blog but I have decided to change that up to give you a glimpse of my summer fun catch up.

Somedays he's pretty perfect

I took up construction

My walk to work

Lobster Time

Music Fun

Harbour Life

What we will do for a photo

Greek Time

Cabin in the woods...before the hurricane

Cooking up a feast

Driving Discovery

Patio time

Girl's Night

Iron man drives the ferry

Gay Pride Parade

Food Truck Festival

Beach Life

We eat well!

Crazy Driver alert

You never know where Batman will show up